This story is from the comments by /u/unseemly_gentleman that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account "unseemly_gentleman" appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are highly detailed, nuanced, and consistent over a year-long period. They share specific, personal experiences (e.g., desisting, using binders, dealing with dysphoria) and offer practical advice that reflects a deep understanding of the detrans/desister experience. The language is natural, with personal asides, self-corrections, and a clear, evolving perspective that is characteristic of a real person navigating a complex issue. The user also demonstrates a balanced, non-dogmatic viewpoint, criticizing both gender-critical ideology and transmedicalism, which aligns with the passionate but diverse views found in the detrans community.
About me
I started feeling uncomfortable as a girl in my teens, which I now see was rooted in trauma and internalized misogyny. I lived as a man for four years, but binding caused me serious pain and health problems. I realized medical transition wasn't for me and began detransitioning at 22. I’ve found peace by rejecting gender roles and now live happily as a very masculine woman. My journey taught me that you don't need to alter your body to be yourself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve found a sense of peace. It all started when I was around 15 or 16. I began to feel deeply uncomfortable with being a girl, and that’s when I first started to think I might be trans. I now see that a lot of this was rooted in trauma and internalised misogyny. I was emotionally abused by a lot of the adult women in my life when I was younger, and my own sister bullied me viciously for my entire childhood for being fat, autistic, and gender non-conforming. I also realise now that the TV I watched filled my head with a lot of sexist ideas about what it meant to be a woman.
I’m autistic, and I think that played a big part in how I experienced my body and social expectations. I socially transitioned to living as a man for nearly four years. I used a male name and he/him pronouns, and I wore binders exclusively. I was an idiot about binding, though; I’d wear it for 18 hours or more a day, regularly. It caused me a lot of pain and breathing problems, and I’ve had to do deep breathing exercises and chest stretches to try and reverse the damage. I’m lucky I didn’t permanently deform my ribs.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. I got to a point where I realised medical transition wasn’t right for me. I’m 22 now, and I started to socially detransition a few months ago. I see myself more as ‘desisted’ or ‘reidentified’ than detransitioned, because I never medically altered my body. My dysphoria has subsided enough that I no longer feel the need to pursue that path. I waited until I was 22 to make this decision, and I’m glad I did. I tell any young person having doubts to wait. You have your whole life to decide.
A huge part of my healing was untangling my feelings about womanhood. I realised a lot of my dysphoria was actually a form of escapism from the trauma and the pressure to conform. I started surrounding myself with positive content from women and non-misogynistic creators, and it changed how I saw myself. I don’t feel a strong connection to womanhood, but I don’t hate being seen as a woman anymore. I identify internally as genderfluid now, which helps me understand the dysphoria that still comes and goes.
I live as a very masculine woman. I dress exclusively in men’s clothing and I’ve switched from a binder to a high-impact sports bra that flattens my chest nicely without the pain. I have a naturally androgynous body, which I’ve come to appreciate. I’ve learned that you don’t have to medically transition to be happy. I’m a butch, bisexual woman, and I’ve found a lot of liberation in just refusing to conform to gender roles in any way.
I don’t regret my social transition. It was a necessary part of my journey to understanding myself. But I am critical of the pressure within some trans communities to medically transition. I believe there needs to be better safeguarding in trans healthcare to help people figure out if it’s truly right for them, especially when there are other factors like autism, OCD, or trauma involved. I’ve been harassed online for saying that, with people accusing me of being transphobic, but I think it’s a conversation we need to have to protect vulnerable people.
I’ve benefited from this time of exploration. I’m on antidepressants now that work for me, I’m in my third year of university, and I have a wonderful group of friends. I’m finally learning to live for myself, not for an idea of what I’m supposed to be.
Here is a timeline of the main events:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15/16 | First started feeling gender dysphoria and began to think I was trans. |
| 18 | Began socially transitioning to live as a man (name, pronouns, binding). |
| 18 | Started volunteering at a summer camp, which didn't alleviate my dysphoria. |
| 19 | Met a supportive group of friends who knew me as trans. |
| 22 | Realised medical transition wasn't for me and began socially detransitioning back to living as a masculine woman. |
| 22 (Now) | Living as a gender non-conforming woman, using she/her pronouns, and identifying as genderfluid. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/unseemly_gentleman:
Im so sorry this is happening to you, my trans masc friend got mad at me too when i desisted but after a serious conversation it was all good.
I think you need to sit down with your roomie and have a very serious conversation to get over whatever is making her behave like this. Begin with asking her why its bothered her so much, she might be projecting insicurity in her identity onto you.
idk if its helpful but looking at those photos i had no idea what you were meaning untill i looked in the comments. For you this is clearly a serious issue that you need to come to terms with but from an outside view nothing is amiss about your body hair. Dark/thick body hair on women is perfectly normal and natural, even if it was caused by T for you. Keep strong and please dont hurt yourself, for your sake.
This is disgusting... the fact that people are now completely associating being detrans with being far right and transphobic is just... heart breaking. Last week i was dealing with just the most selfish and brick wall trans and cis people harrasing me on r/actual_detrans because i dared to think trans healthcare needs safe guarding. Im just so sick of this shit.
I dont think there truly are 17K of us detrans folk here, I think a large sum is made up of lurkers who have no experience. That's not to diminish the importance of this sub or the people here, i just think cos its a public forum and there are people with no experience who have an agenda to exploit us (gender critical ideologists mainly) an curious people.
You didnt murder anyone. You just changed your outward appearence and how others view you. Thinking about this like you are a seporate person who murdered and stole the life of someone else is the most toxic and dangerous thing you can do.
Please get a therapist to help you cope with this.
She is you. You are her. You are the same person, just with a new appearence and name. Does every person who change their name murder someone? No. What you are experiencing is a delusion and you need help because thinking like this is clearly destroying you.
i am fully aware of the irrational hatred some trans people hold towards detransitioners and how that further alienates and victimises detrans people. This is why whenever I encounter someone behaving like this I call them out. I dont think i ever claimed that its exclusively terf rhetoric.
Edit: but if i have, im sorry and I was wrong.
I think what's going to be an important thing for you to talk about with your therapist is that this wasn't a different person, it was just you going through a different period in your life. I am in no way a qualified professional but this is reminiscent of a trauma coping mechanism where you subconsciously section off memories that hurt you in such a way that they feel like they didn't really happen to you, that is something to bring up with your therapist because they will know far more about that.
Also, it sounds like you have a lot of regrets, and forgiving yourself is how you heal from those regrets and choices you made in the past.
A teen that is no longer a child did not murder the child. A homeless person who becomes a wealthy buisness and home owner did not kill the homeless person.
People are in a constant state of change, and a drastic change that alters the way others view you does not mean you murdered your past.
Transmedicalism is such a toxic aspect of the mainstream trans community.... i wish un-medicalised trans people were normalised so that you could find people like you with ease. There are trans communities where transmedicalism is frowned upon and people with illnesses/disabilities or even just the personal choice not to transition medically are accepted and celebrated but you have to track them down. I found myself falling in with folks like that on tumblr, which is a pretty anti-truscum space tbh, but with anti-truscum folks it can be a toss between them being normal people or people obsessed with their identity just as much.