This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's comments are highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over time. They describe a long, complex personal history (e.g., a 10-year desire to transition, 6 years on testosterone, 3 years off) with specific, plausible physical and psychological experiences. The language is personal and reflective, not repetitive or scripted. The passion and critical views expressed are consistent with the genuine anger and harm that some detransitioners feel.
About me
I was born female and my discomfort started with puberty, as I desperately wanted to be male. I was on testosterone for over six years, which caused permanent changes to my voice and body hair, and I damaged my lungs from binding. I realized I could never actually become male and that my severe depression needed separate treatment. Now, three years after stopping, I am learning to live as a female with a body that’s been permanently altered. I regret the physical changes and wish I had been encouraged to address my mental health first.
My detransition story
My journey with gender has been long and complicated, and it’s taken me a lot of years to get to where I am now. I was born female, but from a young age, I never felt quite right. I was androgynous looking and tall, and even before I did anything, people would sometimes mistake me for a guy. I think my discomfort really started during puberty. I hated the changes, especially developing breasts. I just wanted to be male.
I wanted to transition for about ten years before I was even old enough to do anything about it. Back then, about fifteen years ago, the process was different. They had something called the Real Life Experience, where you had to live as your target sex for a whole year before you could get hormones. It seemed mortifying, and it scared me. I put off medically transitioning for years because I was afraid of the surgeries and medications.
When a clinic near me started doing informed consent for hormones, I finally decided to go for it, but there was a six-month waitlist. By the time I got the appointment, I had lost my job, and they wouldn’t treat me because I didn’t have insurance. Later, after I moved to the Midwest, I saw a new psychiatrist. I had some pretty serious mental health issues at the time—I was even in a clinical trial for experimental medication—but after only three sessions, he wrote me a referral letter to an endocrinologist. He was very flippant about my dysphoria. The endocrinologist’s office was also surprisingly casual; they had me practice injecting saline into my leg instead of giving me the actual testosterone on the first visit. It felt irresponsible.
I was on testosterone for a little over six years. The changes happened, but they weren’t all good. My voice dropped permanently, and I grew a lot of body hair, even on the underside of my arms. I have to shave my face every morning, and I still have a five o'clock shadow by the afternoon. But the physical effects were worse than I expected. I’ve heard from others, like Buck Angel, that long-term T use can cause serious damage to female reproductive organs, like fused cervixes, leading to painful orgasms. Mine were terrible on T, and while they went back to normal after I stopped, I’m still worried about a higher risk of organ damage and cancer later in life.
I also bound my chest for years, and even though I stopped three years ago, I still have breathing problems. I’m in physical therapy to try and improve my lung capacity and endurance, but it will probably never be normal for someone my age and size.
The biggest turning point for me was realizing that no matter what I did, I would never actually be male. I was scheduling surgery and looking at the results, and I saw that they were never perfect. There would always be scars, a need for revisions, and I’d be on hormones for life just to maintain an approximation. I would never be a "maintenance-free" male. I saw that a lot of people get 90% of the way there and then hit a wall, realizing there's nothing more they can do. I think that’s a big reason for the high suicide rate among post-op trans people. I decided that learning to tolerate my body as it is would be easier than going through surgeries and possibly hating the results.
I also struggled with severe depression throughout this whole time. The trans communities I was in pushed this idea of a race to the finish line—get the surgeries, do the social transition, and you’ll be happy. But when you get there and you still feel empty, then what? For me, the depression was its own monster. Some days, even now, I wake up and just want to rot in bed for no reason. I couldn’t function without seeing a psychiatrist and getting proper medication. I believe that treating the depression separately was crucial.
I was sexually abused and have a history of mental illness, but none of my doctors ever considered that might be connected to my desire to transition. I still fit the diagnosis for gender dysphoria, but my understanding of it changed. I came to believe that you can’t actually change your sex, and the attempt to do so is deeply unhealthy. For me, it became an impossible goal.
Now, I’ve been off testosterone for about three years. It took over a year for people to start regularly seeing me as female again. My voice is deep, and I have a lot of body hair, so it’s awkward. I feel uncomfortable in both bathrooms because of my stubble and voice. I don’t try to wear women’s clothes; I’m more comfortable in men’s clothing, and I’ve found that having long hair is the biggest factor in people gendering me as female. If I wear it down, I’m seen as a woman almost all the time.
I don’t regret exploring my gender, but I do regret the permanent physical changes. I think if I had been encouraged to look deeper into my depression and trauma first, my path might have been different. My thoughts on gender now are that it’s a social concept, and I’ve made peace with being a female who is just uncomfortable with some of the physical aspects of that. I don’t think medical transition is the right answer for everyone, and I wish there had been more emphasis on therapy that wasn’t just about affirming the transition.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Started feeling intense discomfort with female puberty, hated developing breasts. |
| ~15-25 | Wanted to transition but was too young/afraid; delayed for about 10 years. |
| ~25 | Attempted to start hormones via informed consent clinic but was denied due to losing my job and insurance. |
| ~26 | Moved to the Midwest; saw a new psychiatrist and received a referral for hormones after only 3 sessions. |
| 26 | Started testosterone therapy. |
| 26-32 | Was on testosterone for a little over 6 years. Experienced voice drop, significant body/facial hair growth, and binding-related breathing issues. |
| 32 | Stopped testosterone after realizing medical transition could not make me male and fearing surgical outcomes. |
| 32-35 (Present) | Living as a detransitioned female. Dealing with permanent voice and hair changes, and ongoing physical therapy for breathing problems. |
Top Comments by /u/ursa_subpar:
This is gonna be a little gross and TMI, but these are the things that caused me to stop transitioning.
I know Buck Angel has a video, and some other famous FtMs I can't think of, about how extended use of T caused really painful damage to their reproductive organs: fused cervices and such. Lots of them talk about painful orgasms because of this. Personally my orgasms were shit on T, but luckily they went back to normal after I stopped. I'm still looking at an increased likelihood of organ damage and cancer down the line.
I grow crazy body hair, even on the underside of my arms. All over my face and down my neck, its itchy and terrible when I wake up. I shave my face every morning and I have a 5 o'clock shadow by the time I leave work. Using the bathroom is awkward at best because I have stubble on my face and a very deep voice and while I know I'd no longer pass in the men's room, I fear making other women uncomfortable in the ladies room.
I have physical therapy to improve endurance and lung capacity, even three years after I stopped binding. I have trouble breathing sometimes and it doesn't just...repair itself on its own. It will probably never be "normal" for someone my age and size.
The biggest thing is: look at surgeon's portfolios and realize that the results they are choosing to show are their BEST WORK. Ask yourself if you could live with the final results you see, or worse. Dissatisfaction with final appearance and lack of sexual function contributes to the insane level of trans suicide post-op.
I was sexually abused and mentally ill, but I didn't rush into transition and none of my doctors ever considered it part of the issue. I was diagnosed with dysphoria and still fit the definition. I wanted to transition for 10 or so years before I was old enough to do so, and I spent 6 years transitioning before I stopped.
Basically, I feel like the available surgeries would be inadequate. I feel like I can learn to tolerate myself as I am easier than I could if I had surgery and absolutely hated the results. If you're happy with the options available, that's fine, but make sure you do your research on post-op results.
I am still dysmorphic, I would still be diagnosed as trans. But I came to realize that nothing could change my sex, not really. Over time my understanding has evolved and I see that not only is transition impossible, the attempt is deeply unhealthy and for males, is the appropriation of a lived experience that does not belong to them.
Basically just because medical science says you can (you can't) doesn't mean you should.
I don't want to have a female body, hips, vagina, chest, female facial features ecc.
T will not change these things. Expensive, cosmetic, non-functional surgery can sort of change some of these things.
i don't want to be female. I would rather be a hyper feminine male, but not a female.
The number one reason that I detransitioned is that I realized I would NEVER be male. I spent years of my life working toward it and when I was scheduling surgery, I realized the possible results were not perfect. I would require surgical revisions, I would carry scars, I would need hormones for the rest of my life to maintain a sort of maleness. I would never be a maintenance-free male. I feel like people focusing on transition as their number one goal, ignoring the rest of their lives leads to a lot of regret and needless pain. And a lot of people get as close as they can, 90% to their target sex, and realize there's nothing else they can do. I imagine this is why a good percentage of post-op trans attempt and commit suicide.
I have a male name still, I also hate my birth name and I think changing it now to something feminine feels...weird? I'm used to my name and I'd rather just leave it. Reading your post got me thinking about it and I realized, people will sometimes ask my gender/pronouns (less and less as time goes on without T) but no one has EVER asked me why I have a boy's name. It's pretty trendy to give girl children "boy" names, I know a girl named Bradley, I think people just go with it.
As for the bathrooms, maybe try asking a stranger where the bathroom is and seeing which one they point you to? I think women are better at telling when someone is a GNC woman, even if you look masculine it'll be a safer bet to use the women's room than the men's. IMO
I wouldn't suggest "playing up" any sort of personality traits that dont come naturally to you, because if it's uncomfortable it will eventually fall apart. If you want to be perceived a particular way, in my experience people subconsciously respond to hair and clothing. Even if it's not super fitted, the cut of women's pants can lead people to assume you're female if they aren't super sure from other indicators.
I felt a lot of this while I was transitioning; it was really hectic in my head and I was racing to the end. But when it's like that in trans communities, pushing you through this race, you get to the end, you do all the surgeries, all the social transition, and you don't feel any better, where do you go from there?
Having no interest in job, hobbies, relationship activities, sounds like you have depression. Alongside dysphoria it can seem easier to just treat the symptoms physically and hope the depression will fade as you make drastic strides in other areas. But depression is it's own monster and it doesn't care how far along you are with other goals or how much you "should" like your life. Without medication, some days I wake up and I just want to sit in bed and rot, not for any one reason, I'm just done. I could not function without seeing a psychiatrist.
Your mood is really worrying to me, and I implore you to look into a purely psychiatric treatment. Step away from focusing on your body. You seem open to the idea that how you feel is because of brain chemistry and you remind me of how I felt when I was at my worst. For me depression was a huge factor and I really feel like it may be for you too. I hope you can find treatment that really helps you, and that you reach out to crisis counselors if your ever feeling really hopeless.
Long-term testosterone use is linked to cramps in the abdomen and groin; menopause with no hormone replacement is linked to increased risk of dementia. I haven't been in the same situation, I'm actually the only (de)trans man I know who didn't end up getting weird cramping in the groin. If it's any consolation, estrogen on it's own shouldn't "refeminize" you, a lot of the side effects of T are permanent.
I was on T for a little over 6 years, been off for about 3. It took over a year for people to start regularly gendering me as female.
My voice will always be pretty deep now, and I'll probably never be comfortable wearing clothes from the women's section. Tbh I have no interest in trying to figure out women's clothing sizes and I'm more comfortable in men's clothes, but I remember when I started transition wearing men's clothes made a big impact in people gendering me as male, so going back to women's clothes would probably make a difference.
I've grown my hair out and that seems to be the big decider. When I wear my hair down I get gendered female nearly 100% of the time, when I wear a hat it's closer to half the time, maybe more.
As a caveat, I was really androgynous and relatively tall when I started; I got called a dude a fair amount before I ever started hormones. If your features were more feminine to begin with you may revert to that more easily. However any depth of voice you've got, as well as body hair growth, is here to stay. Hair follicles could even keep activating for a while without you actively taking T, so don't be freaked out if that happens.
If there's anything specific that you want to know about, I can try to remember the exact sequence of how things happened for me. I wish you luck in finding a presentation that you're comfortable with.
When I was young in trans communities, ~15 years ago, there was something called the Real Life Experience (RLE.) It was an accepted medical standard, and people in the community knew they would have to find a therapist and then spend a year living as their target sex BEFORE they could start hormones. This was a pretty mortifying experience, because if you think a fair number of trans people dont pass now, imagine people without any hormones attempting a very adamant social transition so they wouldn't be denied hormones for not trying hard enough.
I put off medically transitioning for years out of fear surgery and medication. When a clinic near me started trying out an informed-consent model for hormones, the waitlist was so intense it took me a little over 6 months to get an appointment. And once i finally saw them they declined to treat me not because I wasn't a good fit in their opinion (they actually praised me for my self-actualization?) but because in between making the appointment and actually seeing the doctor, I had lost my job.
When I moved to the midwest and started seeing a new psychiatrist, it took 3 sessions to be referred to an endocrinologist for hormones, despite the fact that I had some pretty intense mental diagnoses in my medical history and at the time I was in a clinical trial, testing experimental medication. It's weird thinking back on it because I remember the doctor being very flippant and dismissive when I described my dysphoria, but wrote me the letter anyway.
On that thought, the people at the endo's office were pretty blasé about it too. They were supposed to have me take my first shot in the clinic under observation, but they said they didn't want to make me go to the pharmacy and come back so had me draw a syringe of saline and inject it into my thigh muscle so they could show me proper intramuscular injection technique. Seems a little irresponsible, no?