This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this user account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The comments display a consistent, nuanced, and deeply personal narrative about the user's journey as a desister. The writing has a natural, introspective flow with personal anecdotes (e.g., mentioning their Russian origin and their mother's advice) and a coherent, evolving philosophy that is characteristic of genuine lived experience. The passion and critical thinking shown are consistent with a real detransitioner or desister.
About me
I started questioning my gender as a teenager because I was a tomboy and felt a lot of pressure about being a woman, which made me think I might actually be a man. My mom gave me crucial advice to wait before making any big decisions about my body, which I'm so grateful for now. I realized my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with society's narrow rules for how a woman should be. I chose to unlearn those harmful ideas instead of changing myself, and I now see that I can be a masculine woman. While some discomfort remains, I've found peace in knowing my feelings are valid and that my existence as I am is enough.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was a huge tomboy and never felt like I looked "woman-like" enough. I felt a lot of pressure and discomfort with the idea of being a woman, and for a while, I genuinely thought I might be a man. I believed that to be truly masculine, I had to be a man. That feeling was really strong.
Looking back, I see now that my discomfort wasn't really about my body itself, but about my narrow view of what a woman is supposed to be. I felt disconnected from the images and roles society pushes on women. I think a lot of my feelings were a reaction to that—a desire to escape the things society places on women. I was presented with a choice: either continue down the path of believing I was a man to feel comfortable, or lean into the discomfort of unlearning all these harmful societal ideas about womanhood. I chose the second option.
I realized that comfort isn't the most important thing in life. Some of the worst decisions I've ever made were based on chasing a feeling of comfort. Now, I try to use my feelings as a clue to dig up what internal belief is causing them, rather than letting them dictate my life. I came to believe that my existence alone proves that my way of being is valid for a woman. I am me, and I am in a female body, so by definition, my feelings and experiences are those of a woman. There's no one way to be.
I never took hormones or had any surgeries. My mom gave me some really good advice; she told me that being a teen is hard and confusing in every aspect of life, and that I should wait until I was older to make heavy, irreversible decisions about my body. I'm so grateful for that. It’s a big reason why I’m a desister and not a detransitioner.
I don't regret exploring my gender, but I'm glad I didn't medically transition. I've learned that I can be masculine and be a woman. There's nothing wrong with being gender non-conforming. The discomfort I feel about my body and my sex is normal and expected—it's hard to be a woman, both physically and socially. But that doesn't mean I should change my body. It means I should change my perspective.
I think these feelings of discomfort will probably never go away completely, and that's okay. Feelings aren't the be-all and end-all. Any sensible person would sometimes be uncomfortable with their body and wish things were different. Understanding that has helped me calm down a lot.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13-16 | Felt intense discomfort with womanhood and societal expectations. Began to question if I was a man. |
| 17 | My mom advised me to wait on any major decisions about my body until I was older. This was a pivotal moment for me. |
| 18 | Began to consciously detach the concept of masculinity from being a man. Started the process of unlearning societal ideas about gender. |
| 19 | Became content with identifying as a masculine woman. Realized I could express myself fully without changing my body or identity. |
Top Comments by /u/varayare:
That being (still) uncomfortable with my body and sex is normal and expected - its hard to be a woman physically and socially, but that doesn't mean that i should change myself. And that i mostly wanted to escape the things society placed on me and i can already escape them while being a woman.
That being a teen is hard and confusing in every aspect of life, so i should wait until im older to make such heavy and irreversible decisions about my body ( < that's something my mom really did tell me and im grateful for that, its one of the reasons im a desister, not detrans)
That i can be masculine and be a woman and there's nothing wrong with being GNC. And that i already can live and express myself how i want, and do most of the things that will matter in my everyday day life without changing myself into a man.
A bit off topic, but Im also from Russia, hi!
I just wanted to say that I don't think that left/right spectrum, in an american sense, can be applied to our situation. Its an extremely american-centric view on politics that is being pushed on the rest of the world because of how many media is controlled by America. I have a lot of people in my life that don't fall into either categories, or at least not that are used in an american sense. Even on the classic 2x2 polical grid there's more nuance than ever brought up in American discourse)) and 2x2 is already pretty simplified.
P.s I really glad to see a russian here haha...
I have the same experience, i never looked "woman-like" enough and was (and is) a huge tomboy.
I also felt weird about wanting to become a man because of my masculinity, but i think its an expected reaction - i think that these feelings are ingrained in us and continue to apper because of how long concepts of masculinity and being a literal man were linked in a traditional society. But it doesn't have to be this way.
I became more content with myself when i purposefully decided that i will detach concept of masculinity from being a man. Its a long process - unlearning this gut reaction, i really do think that we can be truly masculine and still identify ourselves as women, and it wouldn't make our masculinity less valid or make us not "real women". I often felt like a have to be "a man" to trurly give in into my masculinity and to feel it being "real", but no, i don't have to. Woman is just a body - not a role, type of behavior, presentation, "state of mind" or some feeling - all of these things are just "me" and "me" happened to be in a female body. That's it and that's okay. There's no contradiction, actually. Even if it feels like it.
Of course. I think these feelings probably will never go away completely, but that's okay - feelings are not be all end all in life (imo, at least)
I even think that feeling uncomfortable about your body and sex is very expected and kinda reasonable - the body itself is hard to "wear", specific problems due to your sex are another lever of difficulty and then there's social expectations and all of these roles. Any sensible human being would be, at least sometimes, uncomfortable with their body and would wish that the things were different. Then i think about it this way it calms me down haha.
I just saw that my discomfort about me being a woman was actually due to my narrow view of what "a woman" is and can be.
Even though my discomfort is real - the reason i feel it is kinda not. Idk if i can explain it in a few words, but i feel this discomfort because of what is expected from women in society, the associations it brings up and how often image of "a woman" is shown in all parts of our life - in the end i don't feel connected to these images and roles. The "kick" here is - that society, and by extension me, are wrong. There is no "woman image", or "vibe", or role, or feeling - and even though my brain was involuntary infected by this imagery and the uncomfortable feelings it creates are there and real - i understand that this isn't actually true.
And i was presented with a choice - to continue to make myself comfortable with the idea of "me being a man, actually" or to lean into discomfort of a long process of unlearning this idea of women having a certain "vibe" i don't feel connected to. I inevitably choose the second option, because i don't see comfort as the greatest value in my life. I much rather be living the truth while feeling discomfort.
I also dont see my feelings as the most important part in a decision making, at least not anymore - in my life - the worst decisions ive even made were feelings based and were due to my seek for comfort. Its not that i now completely disregard my feelings always everywhere, but im definitely cautious about it and i think its a right thing to do. Im a firm believer in that a lot of our feelings are a result of harmful beliefs we have about ourselves and others. And then i get some "feeling" - i now use it as a lead to dig up what my internal belief is making it and if that belief is actually substantial. Its not that we are guilty for having certain harmful beliefs or that feelings created by these beliefs are not real, but the final decisions and way of life should be informed by as much logic and reality as possible, i think. Maybe that's a bit harsh or hot of a take in our modern world, but its something that actually kinda set me free, so i live by this.
I came to believe that my existence by itself should destroy for me the idea that i'm not a woman. Because i am me, and I'm in a woman's body. Which means - woman like me can actually be. Because how i feel is not actually a "man feel" - its MY feel, and because I'm in this body - it is by definition the feelings and experiences of a woman. I don't have and could never have any other. Sounds morbid at first, but its actually freeing and kinda inspiring. it feels morbid because we are used to how society shows us what "woman feel" and "man feel" is. And society is often very wrong.