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Reddit user /u/velutian's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 25
female
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
influenced online
got top surgery
now infertile
puberty discomfort
had religious background
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's posts show a consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex narrative of detransition. They discuss deeply personal and specific details—such as grieving top surgery scars, hormonal health issues, and the psychological process of reconciling femininity—that are difficult to fabricate convincingly. The tone is passionate and personal, which aligns with a genuine detransitioner's perspective.

About me

I grew up in a strict Christian environment where my masculine traits made me feel like a failed woman. I started taking testosterone and had top surgery, thinking being a man was the only way to be accepted. After a few years, health issues made me realize I was just trying to escape rigid beauty standards. I've stopped hormones and returned to living as a woman, embracing my masculinity as a part of me. I've learned to love myself and see my scars as part of my story, even with my regrets.

My detransition story

My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated. I was born female, but from a young age, I never felt like I fit the very narrow idea of what a girl was supposed to be. I grew up in a strict, conservative Christian environment where the rules for how to be a proper woman were rigid and unforgiving. Because I was a bit bigger, hairy, and had more masculine personality traits, I was constantly berated by my church and even my peers for not being girly enough. I internalized this message that if I couldn't be the right kind of woman, then I was worthless.

This led to a lot of self-hatred and a deep discomfort with my body, especially during puberty. I hated my breasts. I felt like my body was all wrong. I thought if I could just be a man, then all my masculine traits would finally be acceptable. I didn't realize then that being a masculine woman was even an option. I was also misdiagnosed with PCOS as a teenager because doctors tried to medicalize the fact that I was hairy and chubby, which just reinforced the idea that my body was broken and needed to be fixed.

I was heavily influenced by what I saw online and eventually came to believe I was transgender. I started identifying as a trans man. I took testosterone for about three years. In a lot of ways, it felt like a magic cure-all. My mental and physical health seemed to improve dramatically; I felt skinny, happy, and healthy. I later found out that some of the health issues it seemed to solve, like my hemochromatosis, were actually pre-existing conditions that had just gone undiagnosed.

During my transition, I got top surgery. I did it more or less on a whim, and it's something I now regret. I grieved the loss of my breasts heavily and I'm still sad about the permanent loss of sensation. The results also aren't even; I have one flat side and one side that's like a small A-cup. If I could go back, I would have gotten a breast reduction instead. But I can't change it, so I've had to learn to live with it. I try to focus on the positives, like how much easier it is to run or how I can just throw on a shirt without a bra.

After three years on testosterone, I started experiencing symptoms of early, HRT-induced menopause. That was a wake-up call. I began to realize that I wasn't escaping the beauty standards and social expectations that made me hate myself; I was just trying to evade them. I came to understand that being masculine doesn't necessarily mean you are a man. I decided to stop testosterone and return to living as a woman, to return to my femininity.

Detransitioning has been a battle. At first, I thought I couldn't possibly be cis because my body had been permanently changed. I even tried to call myself non-binary to make other people more comfortable. But I've learned that I don't owe anyone an explanation. I've had to unlearn all those twisted ideas about what it means to be a woman. I am a gender non-conforming woman, and that is okay. I've discovered that the woman I am now is just as wonderful, if not more so, than the girl I used to be. Things I worried would alienate me from my femininity, like my deeper voice, have ultimately enriched it.

I have learned to love myself, scars and all. They are a part of my story. I don't regret my entire journey because it brought me to a place of self-acceptance, but I do have specific regrets, like my top surgery. My thoughts on gender now are that the binary is far too rigid, and we should all have the freedom to be who we are without having to change our bodies to fit in.

Age Event
12 Had a cyst surgically removed; began being misdiagnosed with PCOS.
Teen Years Experienced intense puberty discomfort, hated developing breasts. Felt immense social pressure to conform to feminine standards.
Early 20s Started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone.
23 Got top surgery.
25 After 3 years on T, began experiencing menopause-like symptoms. Stopped taking testosterone.
26 Accepted myself as a detransitioned, gender non-conforming woman.

Top Comments by /u/velutian:

12 comments • Posting since September 27, 2021
Reddit user velutian (detrans female) explains how detransitioning forced her to confront the strict beauty standards and social expectations of femininity she was trying to evade by transitioning, and asks if others with conservative upbringings also felt it was easier to be a trans man than a gender non-conforming woman.
63 pointsNov 8, 2021
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Detransitioning has been a battle of unmarrying myself from the beauty standards and social expectations that I thought made femininity unsuitable for me. When I transitioned, I was not escaping those beauty standards, but instead I was trying to evade them. Living as a gender non-conforming woman has forced me to confront those twisted ideas and expectations about feminine existence and learn how to live authentically as myself.

Did anyone else grow up with such a strict view of the gender binary (as a result of being raised Christian/conservative/whatever else) that they eventually came to the conclusion that it would be easier or more socially acceptable to be a stealth trans man than to be a woman that didn't meet society's standards?

I thought if I could be a man, all my masculine body traits and personality aspects would be acceptable. But I didn't realize until I transitioned that being masculine doesn't necessarily equate to identifying as a man.

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) explains her decision to post for the first time, thanking the community for its support in her detransition journey.
33 pointsSep 29, 2021
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I've been creeping on this sub for months on a different account. I finally feel secure enough in my identity to post here and show my face.

Thanks to the lovely people here who have been supportive and showed me that it's never too late to change one's mind. 💕

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) explains her journey of self-acceptance, discovering that the woman she is now is more wonderful than her past self and that features like her deep voice have enriched her femininity.
11 pointsNov 8, 2021
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Amen to this!

I was so devastated that I'd never "get back" who I was before... But I'm discovering that the woman I am now is just as (if not more!) wonderful than the girl I used to be. And things that I was worried would alienate me from my femininity (like my deep voice) have ultimately enriched it. Simply put, I am who I am, and I have learned to love myself.

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) explains why she stopped taking testosterone despite it being a "magic cure-all" for her mental and physical health, including resolving a previously undiagnosed hemochromatosis.
9 pointsDec 17, 2021
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Same here! I experienced less health problems (both mentally and physically) when I was on testosterone. Life before and after T has been filled with panic attacks and physical illness... But it's important to me to be who I am, so I'm not taking it anymore. But man, it was a fucking magic cure-all for me. I used to joke that it was my "skinny-happy-healthy" drug.

(side note: I had thought that T caused my hemochromatosis... turns out I had just been undiagnosed my whole life and nobody checked my blood counts until after I started T!)

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) explains her initial reluctance to identify as cis after detransitioning and her realization that she doesn't need to identify as nonbinary to make others comfortable.
6 pointsDec 6, 2021
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Oof, I feel called out lol.

When I first realized I was detrans, I just thought there was no way I could ever be considered cis because... well, "my body isn't cis." So, I tried to make other people more comfortable by saying, "oh, well, I'm nonbinary." But you're right, that isn't how it works! I'm getting used to making people uncomfortable.

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) explains how social pressure to be more feminine and the comfort of living without breasts shaped her gender identity.
4 pointsNov 9, 2021
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I totally agree! Minus the wearing men's clothes, I feel more comfortable acting in ways that are more "manly." I think that it mattered more to people when I was younger. Most people don't blink an eye now, but I was constantly berated by the church and even my secular peers for not being girly enough, and it just got engrained way too deep.

Living without breasts has helped me a lot, too - even if I do occasionally mourn the fact that they're gone. It's a part of my identity now.

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) discusses her complex feelings of regret and acceptance after getting top surgery, including grief over lost sensation, but also appreciating the practical benefits and learning to love her scars.
3 pointsNov 13, 2021
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Hey! I thought I had written a reply to this already, so apologies for the delay.

I got top surgery more or less on a whim and I do regret it. I grieved the loss of my breasts heavily over the summer and still am sad about the permanent loss of sensation.

But I no longer obsess over it! And I just remind myself how much easier it is to run now. And as much as I love wearing sports bras, it's nice to just throw on a shirt without anything underneath it. And on sweaty hikes in the summer, I can just go shirtless if I choose. And I look SO good in turtlenecks now. Focusing on the the things I like about my "new" body definitely helps.

There is also something powerful about these scars. Even if I dislike the way they look, and even if I regret getting them, they're a part of who I am. I've learned to accept other aspects of myself, and to love myself, so I have learned to love these, too.

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) discusses being 50/50 on her top surgery, citing satisfaction with a flat chest but regret over painful scar tissue and uneven results, and wishes she had chosen a breast reduction instead.
3 pointsDec 17, 2021
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I am 50/50. I hated having breasts, so I guess I like the way I look more now - but I also hate having painful scar tissue and uneven results (which my surgeon insisted was totally normal, but I have a fully flat side and a total a-cup round tit...). If I could go back I would get a breast reduction instead. But I can't, so I'm living with it!

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) explains the difference between a gynecologist and an endocrinologist for hormone care, advising to see both and have them share records.
3 pointsNov 17, 2021
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Your gynecologist definitely can prescribe estrogen, but they're more likely to be well versed in hormones as they relate to birth control. An endocrinologist will be useful for monitoring your hormone levels.

I have found that my gynecologist (as great as she is) It's for the most part indifferent to hormonal issues. You might want to see an endocrinologist simply to have someone who is more empathetic and understands the stress and health effects that these sort of hormone changes can bring.

I think it's great to see both. As long as they both have access to your records, they can work together. In my experience, they won't know to communicate unless you ask them to (unless they're just super great and are really invested in your case lol).

Reddit user velutian (detrans female) discusses early menopause symptoms after stopping testosterone, advises on seeking holistic and medical care for gynecological and UTI issues.
3 pointsDec 6, 2021
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I started experiencing symptoms of menopause after 3 years on T. My endo described it as an early, HRT-induced menopause. I've only been off for about nine months now and my periods have also been back like clockwork, but I'm not experiencing those symptoms anymore, so our situations are obviously different.

I'm sorry your doctor has been dismissive; the natural response is to tell you to talk to a medical professional, but they aren't always empathetic to female issues (and let alone detrans female issues). While you're waiting to see your new GP (and ideally get a referral to a gynecologist or endocrinologist), you could look into seeing a holistic medicine practitioner (most have medical doctorates and are well trained, but research them first! Speaking from experience.). I find that these practitioners are often more empathetic. They'll be able to advise diet and lifestyle changes and herbal remedies to help. And a lot of the time, I've found that with issues like these, a regular doctor is just going to tell you to make lifestyle changes anyway (without going into as much detail or help you implement them, as a holistic practitioner would).

Also (and I am not a doctor, so take this with a grain of salt), some of what you're describing sounds like PMS and not necessarily menopause. Either way, healthy diet + exercise will most likely help, and if not, the solution is most likely some sort of hormone replacement option. I don't know if you're seeing a doctor and getting a culture done every time you have a UTI, but in my experience, UTI symptoms can be a result of something like interstitial cystitis and not necessarily a bacterial infection - again something that is literally only treatable by lifestyle changes (and sometimes physical therapy).