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Reddit user /u/velvetine-hammer's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 16 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
took puberty blockers
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the comments provided, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user.

The user demonstrates:

  • Deep, specific, and consistent medical knowledge about hormones and surgery.
  • A compassionate and supportive tone, offering both practical advice and emotional support.
  • A nuanced understanding of the detrans/desister experience, including the psychological and social challenges.
  • A consistent writing style and perspective across a year-long posting history.

This is consistent with a knowledgeable and passionate individual, likely with a medical background, who is engaged in the community.

About me

I started transitioning because I felt a deep discomfort with my female body during puberty, especially when my breasts developed. I identified first as non-binary and then as a trans man, and I took testosterone and had top surgery. After stopping hormones, I went through severe depression and realized my real issues were social anxiety and self-hatred, not my gender. I now live as a female again, but I have to manage permanent changes like my voice and body hair. I regret not addressing my underlying mental health first and believe medical transition was the wrong solution for me.

My detransition story

My journey with transition and detransition is complicated, and looking back, I see a lot of things more clearly now. I think a lot of my initial feelings were tied up in a deep discomfort with puberty and the changes happening to my female body. I hated developing breasts; they felt alien and wrong, and brought a kind of attention I didn't want. This wasn't really about wanting to be a boy, but about wanting to escape the body I was in. I had a lot of anxiety and low self-esteem, and I now believe I was using the idea of transition as a form of escapism from those feelings.

I was influenced a lot by what I read online and by friends in certain communities. At first, I identified as non-binary, which felt like a safer first step, but that eventually shifted to identifying as a trans man. I started taking testosterone, and later, I had top surgery to remove my breasts. The medical side of things is something I learned a lot about, both from my own experience and from trying to help others later on. I took hormone blockers (Lupron) before testosterone, and I know now that their effects can linger for a long time.

Stopping testosterone was one of the hardest parts. I experienced serious depression and suicidal ideation. It’s important for anyone going through that to have crisis services on speed dial—it’s not something to brush off. My body started to change back in some ways; my periods eventually returned, but things like my voice and facial hair are permanent. The hair loss I experienced on T wasn't permanent, thankfully. I also had to think about long-term health risks, like an increased chance of breast cancer, which means I have to be diligent with self-exams.

I spent a lot of time thinking about the reasons behind my transition. I came to believe that for me, the core problem wasn't my gender, but rather an intense discomfort with the unwanted attention that comes with female sexual characteristics. This is a much more common feeling than true gender dysphoria. I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't just about affirming a transgender identity, but that helped me dig into the 'why' behind my feelings. It helped me see that I was trying to solve a problem of social anxiety and self-hatred with a medical transition, which wasn't the right solution for me.

I also have thoughts on the medical side of things. I am very skeptical of certain surgeries, like clitoral reduction after detransition, because the risks of permanent nerve damage, chronic pain, or disfigurement are so high. A 1% complication rate might sound low, but when you apply it to something as sensitive as genitals, it's a big deal. I think we need to be much more cautious about permanent interventions.

Do I have regrets? Yes, I do. I regret not understanding the root of my discomfort sooner. I regret the permanent changes to my body that I now have to live with. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social concept, and that for me, my sex as a female is a biological reality. I don't think medical transition was the right path for me, and I wish I had addressed my underlying mental health issues first.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:

Age Event
14-15 Started feeling intense discomfort with puberty, hated breast development.
16 Identified as non-binary, influenced by online communities and friends.
17 Began identifying as a trans man. Started taking Lupron (hormone blockers).
18 Started testosterone (T) therapy.
21 Underwent top surgery (double mastectomy).
23 Stopped taking testosterone. Experienced severe depression and suicidal thoughts.
24 Periods returned. Began non-affirming therapy to address underlying issues.
Present (25) Living as a female again, managing the permanent changes from transition.

Top Comments by /u/velvetine-hammer:

16 comments • Posting since August 30, 2020
Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains a step-by-step model for disclosing a detransition history to a potential partner, advising to wait for relevance, be unequivocally clear, prepare for emotional responses, allow for silence, and set personal boundaries on intimate details.
21 pointsSep 28, 2021
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This is based on some of the models we use to tell patients important information.

Wait until it's relevant. Ie, there's more reasons to talk about this on a fifth date than a first date, but be ready to talk about it when the first relevant opportunity comes up.

When you say it, say it 100x clearer and unequivocally than you think you need to. Lay out all the "fact words" that matter up front. 'I used to live as a ___ while taking ____ after having ____ surgery and went by the name ____' or whatever your share is.

Be ready for an emotional response, it may not come but usually. Anything from surprise and satisfaction to shock and anger. If they have one, try putting a name to it. 'I can't be sure, but you seem ____.'

When they appear to be processing the emotion, ask them what this might mean to them. Be prepared for silence. Like a good 30-60 seconds. Practice singing a song, like ABCs in your head so you can keep singing it instead of talking and keep track of the time. If they go a full minute, there's probably more emotional processing going on. It's ok to dial back a bit, like, 'Hey maybe I shared that earlier than I needed to. I just thought we might be in that place it made sense to tell you.' They will often guide the conversation for a little bit.

Be prepared for them to ask you all the intimate details. Be prepared to only share the details you want to share, set your comfort zone on that and respect your own boundary.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains why survivor bias does not apply to a study on healthcare usage in transgender surgery cohorts.
18 pointsSep 18, 2020
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Actually no, the cohort as whole still uses healthcare, so even if the dead subjects no longer use healthcare, the survivors use more than enough to make up for it. And that effect would be the same between surgery or not surgery cohorts. That's not selection bias.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains that the study measures treatment efficacy, not cost, by comparing adjunctive therapy use between those who did and did not have gender surgery.
16 pointsSep 18, 2020
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You're misunderstanding what is being measured. The question is whether the treatment fixes the problem. The measured the amount of adjunctive treatments in people who did and did not have the primary treatment. The adjunctive treatment use was not different between the two groups, this indicates the primary treatment does not work. Nowhere is this a study on healthcare costs. This is about people's lives.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains the significant risks of post-detransition clitoral reduction surgery, warning of potential nerve damage, loss of erectile tissue, scarring, and infection.
13 pointsSep 3, 2020
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I would be very skeptical of any surgeon, urologist, or gynecologist who was offering post-detrans clitoral reduction surgery. I know labiaplasty and vaginal lasering is all the rage right now, but what are you willing to trade in exchange for a particular genital aesthetic? The risks of permanent nerve injury causing lasting pain or numbness, blood vessel injury losing the erectile tissue, disfiguring scarring, and infection requiring additional surgery would be pretty high. Besides, the usual size range for clitoris is from a few millimeters to a few centimetres. Future partners won't necessarily be tipped off. I'm sure there are doctors doing it. Be wary. Keep in mind a 1% risk of car accident would be 10-15 accidents per year for an average driver. 1% is not a low complication rate.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains that while FTM individuals typically lose fat on testosterone, persistent male fat distribution could indicate a need for a targeted diet or a check for testosterone-induced PCOS.
10 pointsOct 8, 2020
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This is a very good answer. Usually FTM lose fat on T. If not, this might be one of those times where a fad 'fat burning 8 week diet' would be appropriate. Additionally, have your hormone levels checked. T has a habit of inducing PCOS in afab, which would give long term male fat distribution.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) advises on managing suicidal ideation and depression after stopping testosterone.
7 pointsSep 15, 2020
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First and foremost, put the number to your local crisis services in your phone. Suicidal ideation isn't something to brush off, it is never a "normal reaction" to anything. You call that number every time you feel like you're sinking, ok? Don't wait until you're at the end of the rope.

Yes, stopping T has an association to depression and suicide. It will get better, but it takes time. Did you also take hormone blockers?, those can hang around a long time I have no experience with prescribing antidepressants for this exact scenario, quick search did not have much, but talk to your doctor about options even if it's just until your hormone levels are normal.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains the reversibility of MTFTM breast growth, noting that stretched skin may not shrink, breast tissue will likely recede, and fatty deposits may remain, while also advising continued self-exams due to a slightly increased cancer risk.
6 pointsSep 11, 2020
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If your skin stretched, it will not shrink back much if at all. If you have palpable breast buds/mammary tissue, that will probably shrink significantly or go away. Fatty deposits will shrink, but don't always go away completely. You will want to continue monthly self breast exams. The risk of breast cancer is increased, though still uncommon.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains the long-lasting effects of Lupron and confirms it can slow down natural hormone production.
4 pointsAug 30, 2020
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I cannot comment on how common it is to prescribe Lupron + T. But the effects of Lupron can last quite a long time. I don't want to give a number, since that sets a target and deadline. What you're describing sounds like the Lupron is definitely slowing down the production of your own hormones.

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) explains the significant risk of chronic, long-term pain following top surgery or breast reduction.
3 pointsSep 9, 2020
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Without knowing more specifics about your medical condition.... There is an at least 15% chance you will have pain after surgery lasting more than 90 days. In that group, the average time people took medication for pain is over 2 years. Obviously, since that includes people who took medication for 91 days, for the average, there will be people who take it for decades. Depending on all that ails you, the risk of chronic pain after breast surgery could be higher than 50%.

I am really big on context and perspective. If you found your hands were overly feminine, what sort of treatments would you seek out?

Reddit user velvetine-hammer (verified professional ✅) comments on accepting one's body, comparing it to preparing for and enjoying different weather.
3 pointsSep 9, 2020
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Thank you for sharing that. Maybe the thing you can change is your expectations. You cannot control the body you were born into any more than you can control the weather. But you can prepare for bad weather and enjoy the good weather, much the same way you can enjoy the pleasant parts of life while preparing for the rough.