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Reddit user /u/verisimilitudinosity's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 20
female
took hormones
regrets transitioning
homosexual
autistic
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user demonstrates:

  • Personal, nuanced experience with detransition (e.g., short-term testosterone use, specific physical and emotional changes).
  • Consistent, complex viewpoints that don't align with a single ideological script. They critique both pro-transition and gender-critical perspectives.
  • Engaged, conversational dialogue, including admitting when they haven't worded something well and building on others' points.

The passion and criticism present are consistent with a genuine desister/detransitioner who has experienced harm and is thoughtfully grappling with the topic.

About me

I was a masculine girl from a conservative area, and strangers started calling me "sir" as a teen, which I liked. I later identified as a trans man and took testosterone for a short time before stopping. That brief experiment helped me realize I didn't need to be a man to be myself. I now understand I am just a very masculine woman, and my autism likely made me hyper-fixate on gender as an answer. I'm finally comfortable and have no major regrets, as I learned to accept who I always was.

My detransition story

My whole journey with gender has been complicated, and looking back, I see how many different pieces fit together. I was always a masculine girl. From a young age, I preferred men's clothes and kept my hair short. I grew up in a conservative area, and by the time I was 16, strangers were already calling me "sir." At the time, I didn't know why it felt so comfortable, but it did. It felt like an affirmation that I looked the way I wanted to. I wasn't trying to pass; I was just being myself, and people saw me as a boy. I was kicked out of the women's bathroom a few times because people genuinely thought I was a man.

I identified as bisexual and dated mostly lesbians before I ever started questioning my gender. When I eventually came out as trans, it was really hard to tell my ex-girlfriend that I couldn't see her anymore because I was a man. That was a painful conversation. I started identifying as a trans man and began taking testosterone. I was also working in construction at the time, so I was already in a masculine environment.

I was only on testosterone for about six or seven weeks. Some family issues came up, and I had to stop. In that short time, the changes were subtle. I developed a bit more body hair, but I was practically hairless to begin with, so it wasn't a huge difference. My voice dropped from a high soprano to a lower alto range. I noticed some bottom growth and found it a bit easier to build muscle at work. But then I stopped.

After stopping, most of the changes reversed or softened. My voice lightened up, though I still speak in a lower register than I did before T. I regained comfort in my upper singing range. The bottom growth stayed, but the heightened sensitivity went away. The extra body and facial hair still grows back if I shave, but much slower now. The muscle I'd gained faded. It became clear to me that such a short time on hormones didn't lock me into anything permanent.

During this time, I was trying to figure things out. I even spoke to a therapist, Sasha Ayad, who is known for working with people questioning their gender. I was an adult, completely willing to engage, but I found her arguments weak. Whenever I offered a counterpoint, she couldn't argue against it. It was unhelpful and made me doubt that approach could help anyone, especially a teenager.

My thoughts on gender have evolved. I don't really identify as a trans man anymore. I see myself as a very masculine woman. I think my initial desire to transition came from a place of enjoying being seen as male because it aligned with my natural masculine appearance. It felt easier than trying to fit into a box of what a woman "should" be. I also think being autistic played a role. People often dismiss autistic people's ability to know themselves, but I believe we can. However, the fixation that comes with autism might have made me hyper-focused on gender as an explanation for my discomfort.

I don't have major regrets about my short medical transition. It was a brief experiment that helped me learn what I truly needed, which was to accept myself as a gender non-conforming woman. I'm grateful that I didn't experience any serious health complications or permanent infertility from my short time on T. I benefited from stepping back and realizing that medical transition wasn't the right path for me. I'm now comfortable with my body and my identity.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
16 Strangers began regularly mistaking me for a male and calling me "sir" because of my naturally masculine appearance.
Early 20s Identified as bisexual, dated mostly lesbians. Came out as a trans man.
Early 20s Started testosterone therapy.
Early 20s Stopped testosterone after 6-7 weeks due to family issues. Experienced mild, reversible changes.
Early 20s Realized I was a masculine woman, not a trans man. Stopped identifying as trans.
Present Comfortable living as a gender non-conforming, masculine woman.

Top Comments by /u/verisimilitudinosity:

11 comments • Posting since November 27, 2020
Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) comments on vascularity and gender perception, reassuring a detransitioning user that their arms look feminine and that vascularity decreases after stopping testosterone.
8 pointsJan 5, 2021
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Your arms look more feminine than mine did pre-t lol! Vascularity is such a funny thing for people to gender, and while I get that it can be an insecurity no matter what, your arms read pretty instantly as female to me. Also, from what I know, vascularity goes down a lot after stopping testosterone, just rather gradually.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) explains that a year on hormones is a short time, and that perceived body widening is likely muscle, not bone, which can be reduced by changing workout routines.
7 pointsDec 31, 2020
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All I can say is, a year is not a terribly long time from a hormone changes point of view. Feel your shoulders and waist -- what's widening them? I'd put money on it being muscle. T doesn't change those bones an awful lot unless you are YOUNG when you start. Personally, I love a broad shouldered lady, as do many others, but past that: muscles and fat are in constant flux! If you don't work out your shoulders or obliques, those muscles will get smaller, and your body will look more traditionally feminine. If you focus on cardio and legs, you'll expedite that! All that said, your body knows what it's doing, and gradual as it may be, things will change. In the mean time, get you someone who appreciates your body as is -- I promise there are tons of folks out there.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) explains that transgender behavior is not unique to humans, citing the book "Biological Exuberance" and the specific example of trans-feminine sheep who adopt female behaviors without a mating purpose.
6 pointsJul 20, 2021
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There's this great book called Biological Exuberance about homosexual, intersex, and trans behaviours as observed in a wide range of animals. It's a slightly older book, and a lot of the behaviours that it describes as being transsexual are more accurately described as intersex conditions (they present as physical traits, often associated with an animal's fertility and hormone levels). This often means ostracization for those animals, and often comes with infertility and other physical issues that would prevent the passing on of these animals genetic materials.

However, a few animals do display behaviours that would fall under what is now considered transgender. Most notably (this is not a joke) sheep. Trans femininity is a real observed phenomenon found in wild ovines. Biologically male animals who are horned, fertile, and physically capable will adopt female behaviours (urinating posture, bucking off male suitors) and even be allowed by the females to enter sex segregated groups of ewes, something that would be impossible for a male to do uncontested. This serves no purpose in mating, as these sheep will not attempt to mount the females of the group, which makes it an incredibly unique thing. In many animals, appearing androgynous serves its own sexual advantage within the biological niche (see cuttlefish mating behaviours), while these sheep are just straight up transgender.

So, trans behaviours are not totally unique to humans, although there isn't a great wealth of research on the subject just yet.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) critiques a detransition study's methodology, suggesting its vague definitions of "detransition" and "gender affirmation" may skew results and calls for better long-term data.
6 pointsDec 16, 2021
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I appreciate your rigour in going though this, but your first point here isn't really supported. The use of quotes around the word detransition does seem suspect and may be intentional or unintentional fear mongering, but it could just as easily be the way that the authours choose to differentiate a term that may be unfamiliar to their readers. Past that, the article as you've shown it doesn't define gender affirmation, and it would not be unreasonable to assume that gender affirmation as used here is intended to include social transition (in which case, stopping HRT for fertility reasons would not necessarily count) or that the term was left intentionally vague with intent to clarify further along in the study (as the specific responses later on would suggest). All that said, I'm not in love with this study either. I think they should have categorized from the get-go into a) detransition for internal reasons (ie. realizing transition was not what was needed) and b) detransition for external reasons (ie. fertility, employment, safety). Instead they left it for particularly diligent readers like yourself to sort out and dissect. I'm hoping that soon there will be better collected long term data on detransition, because a lot of people don't seem to understand it, and while hearing individual people's stories is useful, it would be worthwhile to be able to see the scope of things in a format less clouded by individual motive.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) explains the reversible and lasting physical changes from a short, 6-7 week course of testosterone.
5 pointsJul 20, 2021
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I had to go off T after 6 or 7 weeks due to some family issues, which was not enough time to see many changes. I had developed a bit more body hair (although I was practically hairless before so I'm still not very hairy even for a woman), my voice had settled into a more alto range (I started off a high soprano) and I had seen a bit of bottom growth. I was working in construction at the time, so I noticed that I was putting on muscle a bit more easily, but that went away. My voice has lightened up significantly and I've regained comfort in my upper range, although I still speak in a lower voice than I did pre-T. Bottom growth stuck around but didn't maintain that heightened sensitivity that it had had while on T. My (mildly increased) facial and body hair comes back slower now if I shave it than it did when I first went off T, but it still grows back. A month or two on T really isn't enough time for much to happen, pretty much every change is subtle and malleable at that point.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) comments on the risks of gatekeeping transition for autistic people and defends trans lesbians.
4 pointsDec 11, 2020
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The thing is, putting up borders there is a slippery slope into just not trusting autistic people to know themselves. I agree that the trans population in online autistic communities is disproportionately high, but to assume you know whether someone else has dysphoria is risky, you know? I really don't know enough about the transbian thing, but I feel similarly there. All the queer trans women I know personally are lovely people who go through a lot of shit due to their identities, and I see a lot of hate for trans lesbians specifically. That said, I'm no expert on the topic.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) discusses the historical origins of he/him lesbians for safety and passing as male versus the modern visibility of they/them lesbians who are conspicuously queer.
3 pointsDec 11, 2020
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I'm really interested on your opinion on he/him lesbians. Is it just the modern concept that you disagree with, or does it go back to the origins of it? I feel like he/him lesbians and they/them lesbians are totally different issues, despite both being gnc lesbians. From what I understand, he/him lesbians arose as a way for butch lesbians to be safer presenting butch in public, as gnc women were relatively uncommon, so they had a safer and more positive experience presenting as male. It enabled butch/femme couples to be visible without fearing attack, and allowed butches into more male workplaces to provide for their families. As I understand it, he/him lesbians passed as male out of a combination of safety and their own desires about presentation.

They/them lesbians, on the other hand, are generally a more recent group of folks, who are largely afab nonbinary. Requesting they/them pronouns is, if anything, putting themselves at risk. Neutral pronouns like that make a person conspicuously and unavoidably queer. There's safety in appearing cis, and nonbinary folks who look conspicuously queer will never have access to that safety, making them pretty opposite to he/him lesbians.

I do think that not just anyone can call themself a lesbian, but I'm not sure if that's what you meant. I'm getting away from my point. Can you elaborate on your opinion here?

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) discusses their experience as a GNC woman who naturally passed as male, questioning the sincerity of performative allyship and the gender critical perspective on such cases.
3 pointsDec 11, 2020
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I didn't word myself well in the original post when mentioning pronouns. I realize that many trans people don't or can't pass without medical intervention, so I should have been clearer as my experience might not be a common one. I've had the luck(?) of looking naturally quite masculine my whole life. I'm average height for a man in my area, and just generally have masculine facial features. I've always kept my hair short and preferred men's clothes. This is to the extent that I was kicked out of the women's room multiple times well before I even started trying to pass as male. People thought I was a cisgender man. I've been getting called "sir" by strangers since I was like 16, and at the time it made me feel comfortable, but I could not explain why. I grew up in a conservative area, so when strangers assumed I was male, this affirmed to me that I looked sufficiently masculine. They didn't think I was a trans man, because I know my area and almost nobody here would intentionally be nice to a trans person. I'm not talking about asking someone to use specific pronouns for you and them agreeing to use them. That's one of the strangest aspects of transition in my opinion. I just feel condescended to while someone pats themself on the back for being such a Good Ally. In my teens, I was a GNC girl passing as male, and I really enjoyed passing as male. I'm curious about the gender critical take on people who are GNC to the extent of looking like cisgender members of the opposite sex.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) critiques Abigail Shrier's book "Irreversible Damage," detailing unhelpful interactions with interviewee Sasha Ayad and highlighting the author's confusing pronoun usage despite claiming clarity.
3 pointsNov 27, 2020
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I read it! I thought it was... bad. I've spoken to some of the people interviewed in the book (namely Sasha Ayad) and a lot of their arguments are just kind of weak. When I spoke to Sasha, I was looking for someone to help me question my gender and presentation, but as soon as I came up with a counterpoint to anything she said, she could never argue against it. She advertises that she deals with minors who have recently and suddenly (from their parents perspective) started experiencing gender dysphoria. I am an adult who was completely willing to talk to her, and she was still completely unhelpful, so I really doubt that she could help a headstrong teen.

More related to the book itself, Shrier claims that she will avoid misgendering the trans people she talks about unless it would cause confusion. She then proceeds to switch between male and female pronouns for some of the trans men she interviews, which is the most confusing thing she could have possibly done. She also mentinos a nonbinary person and explains that they use they/them pronouns, and then uses she/her without explaining why. My opposition is not a moral one to her misgendering people: she has a target audience and that audience probably wouldn't use a trans person's pronouns. My opposition is to the fact that she claims this is due to an issue of clarity, as it absolutely is not. If her audience is gender critical people and parents who feel that their AFAB child is not truly trans, she can probably afford to be honest about the fact that she just does not feel like using the pronouns that people request.

I'm sure Abigail is a fine creative writer, if not to my own taste, but her style is so heavy handed and her arguments are so flimsy that I really did not get anything out of the book. If I were convinced of her opinions before I read it, maybe I would feel differently as it would affirm what I already think, but it's not well written or researched enough to convince anybody. If I were a parent of a child who had just come out as trans, maybe I'd enjoy this book.

Reddit user verisimilitudinosity (questioning own gender transition) comments on the dismissal of autistic people's agency, arguing that autism doesn't preclude someone from being trans or knowing their own identity.
3 pointsDec 11, 2020
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Huh! Do you think autistic people can't also be trans? It's always funny how many neurotypical people don't trust autistic people to know themselves. I know autism predisposes people to fixation and special interests, which can make it difficult to figure out where dysphoria is coming from, but people use it as an excuse to dismiss the agency of autistic people.