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Reddit user /u/villanelle23eve's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 19 -> Detransitioned: 24
female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
influenced by friends
got top surgery
now infertile
body dysmorphia
retransition
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
autistic
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this user account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic detransitioner/desister.

The comments show:

  • Consistent, nuanced engagement with complex topics over time.
  • Personal, probing questions that reflect genuine curiosity and lived experience.
  • A clear understanding of community-specific issues, including internal tensions (e.g., telling other "gc" users to avoid the sub).

The user's tone is passionate and critical, which is consistent with the stated context of the community. The account does not display the repetitive, simplistic, or off-topic posting typical of inauthentic accounts.

About me

I was born female and my discomfort started in puberty, when I hated the changes my body was going through. I found communities online that convinced me my feelings were gender dysphoria, and I eventually had top surgery. I now realize my autism and low self-esteem made me see a medical solution for a problem with social roles and self-acceptance. I regret not addressing my mental health first and I live with the permanent sadness of being infertile. I’ve made peace with my body and now believe we need to be more critical of medicalizing these feelings.

My detransition story

My name isn't important. I’m just someone who got lost for a while and is now trying to find my way back. I was born female, and my whole journey into transitioning and then detransitioning was tangled up with a lot of other issues I didn't understand at the time.

Looking back, a lot of my discomfort started in puberty. I hated the changes my body was going through, especially developing breasts. It felt like my body was betraying me, becoming something I didn't recognize or want. I now see this as a mix of body dysmorphia and the general awkwardness everyone feels, but at the time, I was convinced it was a sign I wasn't supposed to be a girl.

I spent a lot of time online, and I was heavily influenced by what I read. I found communities that gave a name to my feelings: gender dysphoria. It was like a lightbulb went off. All my confusion and self-hatred suddenly had an explanation and a solution. I started identifying as non-binary first, because it felt like a safer middle ground, but that quickly escalated to believing I was a trans man. My friend group at the time was also very LGBTQ+-focused, and while I don't think anyone pressured me directly, being in that environment definitely made transitioning feel like the right and expected path to take.

I have autism, and I think this played a huge role. I've always had a very rigid, categorical way of thinking. Things are either in one box or another. The idea of being a woman felt like a box I couldn't fit into, so I thought I must belong in the 'man' box instead. I was bothered by the stereotypes and categories of what men and women are "supposed" to do, and my autistic brain latched onto the idea that transitioning would fix this discomfort. I now realize I was trying to solve a problem of social roles and self-esteem with a medical solution.

My self-esteem was incredibly low, and I struggled with depression and anxiety. I used the idea of transition as a form of escapism. I thought becoming a different person with a different body would finally make me happy and confident. I got top surgery when I was 21. I was so sure it was what I needed to feel whole. For a short time after the surgery, I did feel a sense of relief. The constant focus on hating that part of my body was gone. But the underlying problems—the depression, the anxiety, the feeling of not belonging anywhere—were all still there. I just had a flatter chest.

I never took testosterone. I was seriously considering it and had even talked to a doctor, but something held me back. I'm so grateful now that I did. I started to have doubts. The online communities I was in became more and more extreme, and any questioning was shut down as bigotry. I saw people getting banned for just asking questions, and it made me suspicious. I started to wonder if we were all just caught in an ideology that didn't allow for any doubt.

What really started to change my mind was stepping away from those online spaces and starting a different kind of therapy. It wasn't gender-affirming care. It was therapy that focused on my underlying issues: my autism, my OCD-like need for categories, my trauma, and my low self-esteem. We worked on untangling my feelings about my body from my feelings about myself as a person. I realized I had internalized a lot of negative ideas about what it means to be a woman, and that my desire to transition was, in part, a rejection of those stereotypes rather than a rejection of my sex itself.

I don't regret my top surgery in the same way I might regret a tattoo I got when I was young. It happened, it's part of my history, and I've made peace with my body as it is now. But I do regret not addressing my mental health issues first. I regret not realizing that my autistic way of thinking was making me see a binary solution to a much more complex problem. I wish I had understood that it was okay to be a woman who didn't fit the stereotype.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's a social concept that causes a lot of people, especially autistic people like me, a lot of unnecessary stress. I believe we need to be more critical of medicalizing these feelings, especially when there are other underlying conditions. I also believe we need to be able to talk about this openly without fear of being called hateful.

I am infertile because of the surgery, and that is a permanent consequence I have to live with. There's a deep sadness there that I'm still processing.

Here is a timeline of my journey:

Age Event
13 Started puberty; began to feel intense discomfort and hatred toward my developing breasts.
17 Spent increasing time online; discovered LGBTQ+ and trans communities; heavily influenced by what I read.
18 Began identifying as non-binary.
19 Socially transitioned to living as a man.
21 Underwent top surgery.
22 Began to seriously doubt my transition; stepped away from online trans communities.
23 Started non-affirming therapy focused on autism, OCD tendencies, and trauma.
24 Stopped identifying as trans and began the process of detransitioning.

Top Comments by /u/villanelle23eve:

6 comments • Posting since September 17, 2019
Reddit user villanelle23eve comments that subreddit cancellations are a wave of censorship targeting non-conforming communities, not hate, and advises archiving content and finding a backup platform.
13 pointsOct 3, 2019
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Second that. There's a wave of cancellations right now, and it has nothing to do with subs being hateful. Anything not toeing the line is being culled, eventually detrans. They don't care about hate being promoted, imo. That's why it's best to archive everything, follow the rules just in case they don't shut us down, and find a back up platform.

Reddit user villanelle23eve comments on a proposed exposure therapy for gender dysphoria, comparing it to gay conversion therapy and questioning its end goal.
8 pointsSep 19, 2019
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I don't get how exposure therapy to stereotypical gender roles would help with gender dysphoria. This seems very like gay conversion therapy.

Maybe I'm just having a hard time picturing it, what would be one of the end goal?

The first study says that MRIs show consistency with Blanchard's theory, the second is about intersex DSDs, the third's a twin study that I'm not gonna read right now, do you wanna summarize how it supports your point?

Reddit user villanelle23eve comments on detransition, linking surgery to transhumanist ideology and the objectification of women, while questioning how to balance free speech with preventing harm and the role of doctors.
8 pointsSep 17, 2019
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If I may jump in, it seems like a combination of transhumanist ideology and objectification of women. Transhumanism has unrealistic ideas about surgery, and breasts are already viewed as extra objects that are not included with the basic human model. It should be more acceptable for loved ones to be able to speak freely, but how would you regulate transphobia if the person really would benefit from transition? And what can doctors do to make this less likely to happen in the future?

Reddit user villanelle23eve comments that GC users should avoid participating in the detrans subreddit, calling it "not my place" and labeling certain comments as "disgusting."
8 pointsJul 1, 2020
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Thank you. I avoid participating here at all because it's not my place, and I think other gc should too, there's plenty of other subreddits more suitable than this one. Also posting the comments you mentioned on this sub is disgusting, why would you say that? But thanks for writing this OP, it's appreciated.

Reddit user villanelle23eve discusses the challenges of detransitioning for MTF individuals, questioning societal norms of masculinity, lack of platonic male affection, and the internal conflict with gender-conforming behavior, suggesting possible links to Asperger's or OCD.
6 pointsSep 21, 2019
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I find it hard to fathom how it is possible to live life as a guy and feel content with it.

What do you find hard to fathom about it? How do you define living life as a guy? Did you feel included by guys when you were transitioning?

The 'no-homo' thing sucks, there should be more acceptance of platonic male affection. And more support for detrans in LGBT communities.

You're reluctant to do certain things if you commit to living as a man. Is that because you'd feel unaccepted being gnc? Or is it because you have categories of what men do and what women do? I ask because that could be one feature of aspergers.

Or even ocd, putting things into categories and being bothered if it doesn't fit. But a lot of men do this as well, either because masculinity is fragile, or because more men are on the aspie spectrum, or just because men's fashion is less diverse.

One final question. What would make you most uncomfortable about forgetting all this gender stuff, waking up tomorrow, and doing what you want?

Reddit user villanelle23eve comments on Maisie Williams' GOT experience, questioning if it's about Hollywood's pressure for women to be naked or mistreatment by the crew.
3 pointsOct 5, 2019
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Wth? I don't get it. Does this have something to do with hollywood's need for all its women to 'celebrate their bodies' and prove they're 'not ashamed of them' by plastering naked images of themselves all over the place? Or did the crew treat her badly during filming? She did spend time off work. Idk, maybe it's a statement taken out of context by the tabloids.