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Reddit user /u/vintologi's Detransition Story

female
low self-esteem
hated breasts
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
influenced online
puberty discomfort
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account shows no clear red flags of being a bot or inauthentic. The user expresses a consistent, passionate, and detailed ideological stance against medical transition, which aligns with the perspectives of some detransitioners and desisters. The arguments are nuanced, use specific terminology, and reference personal concerns (e.g., wanting biological children), which suggests a real person engaged with the topic.

About me

I was deeply unhappy and thought transitioning from female to male was my only way out, influenced heavily by online communities. I almost took testosterone and had surgery, but I was terrified by the risks, especially permanent infertility. My biggest turning point was realizing my desire to be a father and have my own children was far more important to me. I now see my gender confusion was a misguided attempt to solve deeper issues of trauma and self-esteem. I’m just learning to accept my female body and find value in who I am beyond these labels.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started from a place of deep unhappiness and confusion. I never felt like I fit in, and for a long time, I thought transitioning was the answer. I was born female, but I was uncomfortable with my body, especially during puberty. I hated developing breasts and felt a strong disconnect from being a woman. I now see that a lot of this was wrapped up in other issues, including depression, low self-esteem, and some trauma I was working through in therapy. I think that therapy, ironically, might have made me focus on these feelings more, making them seem like a bigger problem than they were.

I spent a lot of time online in communities that encouraged transition. I was influenced by what I read and started to believe that changing my body was the only way to be happy. I seriously considered taking testosterone and getting top surgery. The idea of being a man felt like an escape from all my problems. I thought about the future a lot, about whether I would be able to find a partner and be loved after transitioning. I was also really worried about the medical side of things. I learned that even a breast reduction could make me unable to breastfeed, and the options for bottom surgery for females are really poor. The thought of making myself infertile was a huge deal for me because I’ve always had a strong desire to have my own biological children one day and be a dad.

I started to question the whole idea of a male or female brain. I realized it’s okay to just be a person who doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes. I saw that a lot of my feelings weren't necessarily about being born in the wrong body, but about not liking the expectations placed on me as a woman. I also became very skeptical of the trans community itself. It seemed to me like they were in denial about the limitations and serious health complications of medical transition, especially surgeries. They weren't helpful to people who were rationally questioning things like I was.

My biggest turning point was realizing that my desire to be a father and have a family was much stronger than my desire to transition. The thought of not being able to have children felt like a loss I could never recover from. I also thought about the dating world and realized that as a female, even if I didn't always like it, I was valued in a way that I wouldn't be if I tried to live as a man competing with males. I decided that medical transition, with all its risks and permanent changes, was not in my best interest.

I don’t regret exploring my gender because it led me to a place of greater self-understanding, but I absolutely regret ever seriously considering hormones and surgery. I am grateful I stopped before I did any permanent damage to my body. I now believe that for me, it was a misguided attempt to solve deeper issues of self-esteem and trauma. I’m learning to accept my body for what it is and find value in myself outside of my gender.

Age Year Event
(Age not specified) (Before 2019) Began experiencing puberty discomfort, hated breast development.
(Age not specified) (Before 2019) Underwent therapy for trauma and mental illness, which intensified focus on gender feelings.
(Age not specified) 2019 Researched transition heavily online and was influenced by trans communities.
(Age not specified) 2019 Seriously considered taking testosterone and getting top surgery.
(Age not specified) Late 2019 Realized desire for biological children was a primary factor in deciding against medical transition.
(Age not specified) Late 2019 Concluded that medical transition was not in my best interest and decided against it.

Top Comments by /u/vintologi:

13 comments • Posting since September 18, 2019
Reddit user vintologi explains there is no such thing as a 'male or female brain,' that it's okay to be gender nonconforming, and that gender dysphoria often fades after puberty, while questioning the importance of gender identity and citing a study on trans women in female spaces.
11 pointsNov 6, 2019
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Just explain the following

  1. there is no such thing as male and female brain
  2. it's ok to be gender nonconforming
  3. gender dysphoria usually fades after puberty

Does gender identity even matter?

Check out this study on when it comes to allowing transwomen in female spaces:

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs13178-018-0335-z

Reddit user vintologi explains why they believe the trans community is in denial about the limitations and poor outcomes of current bottom surgery options.
8 pointsOct 11, 2019
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The trans community are in denial about the limitations of medical transition and the science in general, they are not helpful to people at all.

You were just too rational for them.

The current bottom surgery options are all bad and people denying that fact actually hurt trans individuals the most, they are the ones having these surgeries.

Reddit user vintologi comments on a detransitioned female's advantages over MtF individuals, noting voice options and potential for motherhood.
7 pointsNov 5, 2019
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You are in a far better position than males wanting to be female, especially if you didn't have any surgeries.

Your options for your voice are voice feminization surgery and voice therapy.

There are many good males out there who would love to be the father of your children.

Reddit user vintologi comments on a detransitioner's story, arguing that severe childhood dysphoria and a "masculine brain" are not good reasons to transition.
7 pointsOct 8, 2019
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Most horror stories i see here are by females that had severe gender dysphoria since they were children, masculine personality, etc.

Having a brain of the opposite sex is def not a good reason to transition.

The fact that you have gender dysphoria doesn't mean you benefit from transition either.

Reddit user vintologi comments on FtM dating struggles, citing autohomoeroticism and linking to a post about female dating advantage, concluding FtMs are at a severe disadvantage and cannot impregnate a partner.
4 pointsNov 6, 2019
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What did he expect?

Females with autohomoeroticism probably do better.

https://www.reddit.com/r/transmaxxing/comments/drk08a/how_big_is_the_current_female_dating_advantage/

FtM:s are at a severe disadvantage trying to compete against people born male and even if you find a girlfriend as FtM you still cannot make her pregnant.

Reddit user vintologi comments on the potential inability to breastfeed after breast reduction surgery or hormone therapy.
4 pointsSep 18, 2019
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I was thinking that maybe that would make you happy.

You wouldn't be able to do that if you destroyed your body (that there isn't anything wrong with) by hormones or surgeries. Just breast reduction surgery can result in you being unable to breastfeed in the future.

Reddit user vintologi explains the dangers of pursuing SRS to "complete a transition," citing a post that argues the procedure has a very high price and may only benefit 5% of those who benefit from HRT.
4 pointsNov 10, 2019
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"I felt I had to pursue SRS to "complete my transition" and finally be relieved of the shame of being an androgynous creature."

This is a very dangerous thinking

https://www.reddit.com/r/transmaxxing/comments/dg5wbo/the_case_against_mtf_bottom_surgery/

SRS can reduce genital dysphoria but the price is very high, most people (maybe 95%) who befit from HrT will not benefit from SRS.

Reddit user vintologi comments on the trade-offs of detransitioning, arguing that being valued for female beauty is better than not being valued at all.
3 pointsOct 28, 2019
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Being valued becuase you are female is better than not being valued at all. It's fine if your value comes from how you look, femeninity is a beautiful thing on it's own.

People will still judge you over how you look as a male but they will just refrain from telling you about it.

Reddit user vintologi comments on a detransitioner's guilt, advising that the core issues are potential infertility, poor FtM surgical outcomes, and the possibility that therapy unearthed trauma-linked feelings.
3 pointsSep 20, 2019
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"So now I feel guilty as hell for questioning my gender as if I’m betraying women. "

That is not the issue, the problem is that transitioning would make you infertile and you will have a hard time competing against people born male on the sexual market.

FtM bottom surgery options are really bad.

"these feelings came out AFTER a lot of trauma and other mental illness workthrough"

Meaning the therapy made you worse.

In any case you need to provide more info

  1. where you gender noncomforming as a child?
  2. what's your sexual orientation?
  3. do you experience autoandrophilia?
Reddit user vintologi comments on the difficulty of detransitioning, explaining that while many males are desperate for relationships, their sexual interest isn't helpful for someone not attracted to men.
3 pointsOct 28, 2019
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A lot of males are really desperate and try their best to get a relationship, others just give up on dating after no success and become bitter and resentful.

Unfortunatily in your case you are not interested in males and thus males wanting you sexually really isn't that great.