This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user's posts demonstrate:
- Personal, detailed narratives with specific, consistent timelines (e.g., 8 years on testosterone).
- Complex emotional introspection about trauma, internalized homophobia, and the nuanced process of realizing transition was a mistake.
- Consistent ideology that aligns with common detransitioner perspectives, including criticism of the trans community's response to detransitioners.
- Engagement in supportive advice that is practical and empathetic, drawn from stated personal experience.
The passion and criticism present are consistent with a genuine detransitioner who feels harmed by their experience.
About me
I started reading yaoi fanfiction when I was twelve, and it made me believe I could only be happy as a gay man, which felt like a safe escape from my traumatic childhood. I transitioned as a teen and took testosterone for eight years, but it never fixed my depression and I became obsessed with passing. I finally realized my transition was based on trauma and internalized misogyny, so I stopped hormones at 26. I lost almost all my friends from the trans community, which felt like being kicked out of a cult for changing my mind. Now I’m learning to accept myself as a woman, though I deeply regret the permanent changes to my body.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was really young, around 12 years old. I became deeply obsessed with yaoi and shounen-ai fanfiction with my friends. We wrote and traded stories and drawings every day. Over time, I found that I couldn't picture myself in a relationship as a woman anymore; I could only ever imagine myself as a gay man. I now believe this was a coping mechanism that came from a place of trauma. I had an abusive childhood, and for me, being a straight woman was associated with abuse, unwanted pregnancy, and disrespect. A gay relationship felt more "real" and "pure" to me, a partnership of equals where I would be safe and respected. This was a form of escapism.
I started to transition socially in my teens and began taking testosterone when I was 18. For the first few years, it felt like it was helping. I felt accomplished and like I was finally becoming myself. But the underlying issues were still there. I had severe depression, anxiety, and incredibly low self-esteem. Transitioning didn't fix my social anxiety; in fact, it made it worse in a way because I developed an unhealthy obsession with "passing." There were days I couldn't even leave my house if I felt I didn't look male enough. This obsession disrupted every part of my social life.
After eight years on testosterone, I slowly began to explore doubts I had been repressing. I was losing my hair and still struggling to pass. I realized I was only continuing to transition because I felt I had reached a point of no return. I had a major epiphany: I had made all these life-altering decisions based on trauma and internalized misogyny, not on a true identity. I decided to stop hormones to see how I would feel.
Stopping was the right choice for me. I experienced what I call "reverse dysphoria" – regret for having permanently altered my body for what felt like nothing. I had top surgery, and while I felt a sense of relief initially, I later came to feel it was a mistake. I am grateful to my body for surviving what I put it through, and I’ve learned that losing my breasts doesn't mean I cease to be a woman. Many women live with flat chests for various reasons and are still strong, complete women.
I lost almost all of my friends when I detransitioned. They called me a "transtrender" and said I was never really trans, even though I had 14 years in the community and a formal diagnosis. It felt like being excommunicated from a cult for going against the beliefs. That experience made me see the whole ideology differently; it operates like a faith-based system where feeling like the opposite gender is all the proof you need, and anyone who leaves is written off as never having been truly part of it.
I don't believe clothes or hobbies have anything to do with gender. The real problem is our society's rigid rules about what men and women can like and wear. I don't regret the journey entirely because it was the only way I could have learned the truth about myself. But I deeply regret the permanent changes, and I believe no one should be allowed to medically transition as a minor. I saw a 14-year-old get put on testosterone by an endocrinologist just because her parents drove her there, with no real therapy. That has to stop.
My thoughts on gender now are that it's largely a social construct. For me, it was a story I told myself to escape deeper pain. I’m learning to accept my female body and live as a woman who is just… me.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 12 | Became obsessed with yaoi fanfiction; could only imagine myself in a relationship as a gay man, not a woman. |
| Teens (exact age unknown) | Began social transition. |
| 18 | Started testosterone. |
| 26 | After 8 years on T, began having serious doubts and stopped hormones. Realized my transition was based on trauma and stereotypes. |
| 26 | Officially detransitioned. Lost most of my friends from the trans community. |
| Present (age unknown) | Living as a detransitioned female, coping with the permanent effects of medical transition. |
Top Comments by /u/walnut_hat:
About six years ago now I was slowly ghosted by close friends for detransitioning. They called me a transtrender and told me I was therefore never trans, even though I was 14 years in the community and 8 years on testosterone with diagnosed gender dysphoria. Through my grief I slowly realized it was a cult and I was excommunicated for going against their beliefs. That's how I feel.
The answer is cognitive dissonance. The trans community generally believes that if you feel like the opposite gender, you are. No further evidence needed. It's a faith based system.
When someone detransitions, many in the trans community would be quick to say that person was never trans even though the prerequisite is so minute as to just believe.
Every detransitioner once genuinely believed they were trans based on how the community defines it. To come face to face with evidence that your hard-held beliefs were wrong triggers a defensive mechanism where one just discounts any proof presented to them. Much like a religious ideology.
Evolution deniers still push the narrative that every single dinosaur fossil is a man-made hoax perpetrated by greedy anthropologists. Same defense mechanism different application.
Your take is really simplifying a deeper identity issue than just being attracted to gay porn. From what I remember from personal experience, identifying as a gay man was just the coping mechanism I established after an abusive childhood.
It takes abuse, gender stereotypes, and social pressure to make a girl hate the female experience, and for me all that trauma culminated in wanting to be anything but female. So although I was still attracted to men, I found it hard to 'identify' as a straight woman because at that time in my life a straight relationship meant abuse, unwanted pregnancy, adultery, disrespect, etc.
In that mind set I remember considering gay relationships as more 'real' and 'pure' because both people would respect eachother as equals. Sad to admit that but I remember fully believing I was better off as a gay man because of it.
This is a tough question because I came to transition medically when I was at the peak of severe depression, and I believe it made me feel better for a couple of years. Then afterward, nothing else could have given me the clarity of discovering firsthand that transitioning wasn't what I needed. I don't regret discovering that. But I started after puberty without blockers.
What I've seen are regretful people who manage to surgically and medically alter themselves too young, before 18. That has to stop completely. I met a young teen, maybe 14, who was on testosterone without any recommendation from therapists or her doctor, because her parents drove her to see an endocrinologist. That's all it took for some reason. (Minnesota apparently) That has to stop.
That resonates with me.. I'm really sorry. When I was at the peak of dysphoria I made some rash decisions because I was so uncomfortable in my body. I have surgical regret that I realised after the fact could have been prevented if I had explored why I felt the way I did. I just want to make an attempt whenever possible to get someone else in a similar situation to really introspect and define why those thoughts exist.
I relate to your struggle, and I'm honestly surprised to see yaoi/shounen ai mentioned because that personally resonates with my story. I was obsessed with yaoi fiction along with a couple friends for around 6 years of public school. We'd write and trade yaoi/shounen ai fanfiction daily, draw and trade nsfw and fluff images daily, etc.
I believe it had a lot to do with my personal gender confusion as a child, as I was eventually unable to imagine myself in any relationship as a woman, only as a gay man, from a pretty young age (maybe 12). I haven't been on this sub for a very long time so maybe this is more common and I'm mistaken?
As far as being mistaken for a trans woman, I feel you. The longer you are off T the more your body will slowly bounce back from the effects. You may now find yourself in the awkward stage where the effects of T are still subsiding before you're seen as female again. It seems generally agreed upon that bringing one's voice back to a female range is the hardest part. It may be another long road but I'm confident you'll pass as a woman with time.
When I had top surgery I felt similarly wrong. I'm so grateful you had the self awareness to stop as soon as you felt those first pings of surgical regret. For some like myself it took more than that to realize their mistake.
As far as living with a flat chest, many women do it just fine. Many of them are coping with the loss of their breasts for medical reasons. I've seen people cope in so many different ways, from reconstructive surgery to getting gorgeous tattoos to cover their chests. The loss of our breasts does not mean we cease to be women, all of them are strong women going through different things.
Sorry this was such a long response, honestly the yaoi mention really made me ramble.
I slowly began to explore doubts I had about the concept of gender identity that I had been repressing for years while on testosterone. I realized that I was continuing to transition mostly because I felt I had reached a point of no return. Once I had that epiphany I decided to stop hormones to see how I'd feel.
Clothes have no physical correlation with gender. Only our societal structures restrict what we can 'like' without being harassed, it's a dated tradition. That is the real problem. In a perfect world it wouldn't be a big deal for men to normalize wearing feminine clothes. I would not coorelate liking women's clothing with being a woman. Lots of women hate women's clothes and only dress in masculine clothes, that doesn't make them men.
There's a youtuber called ShapeShifter that spoke about some of the things you've mentioned including OCD. Notably, he's realized that one of the driving forces that made him decide to transition was internalized homophobia. You mentioned a correlation between men who began to realize they may be gay who then also succumbed to the trans ideology. The theory is this; due to the societal pressure that tells young men from an early age that homosexuality is wrong and shameful, some men who realize they aren't straight may perceive becoming a heterosexual woman would be more acceptable in our society and even more acceptable to themselves. In reality, there's nothing wrong with you, you're just probably not straight which is just fine.
It's strange actually. It did help me for a few years and I felt accomplished. It didn't help long-term as far as social anxiety and worrying about passing. Passing was an unhealthy obsession that got harder with age. I was so caught up with it that it would disrupt every social aspect of life. I'd sometimes be unable to leave my house if I didn't pass well enough for example.
So to answer your question badly, I thought it was helping me until I didn't anymore. And I realised I still had dysphoria and struggled to pass after 8 years on T.