I don't blame the surgeons too much. It's mostly the bloody activists. Because of them, it is now "common knowledge" that it's okay to do this, and scientific research into the topic is blocked, deemed "transphobic" and if people refuse to participate, they're shunned as bigots.

I personally blame nobody but myself, I was an adult when I transitioned. However, for a kid... I can't blame the kid. I was a very different person when I was 12, even 17. So I understand the desire to blame the surgeons, or the therapists. And yes, they are to blame to a degree. They are participating in the madness. But they're not rogue actors, and that's a scary reality. They're part of a machine that works to enable this kind of thing.

Okay, this might sound controversial in this group but I am not "encouraging" being trans - I am merely not completely eliminating the possibility and I am also not telling you to lock yourself away from "trans positive" sources, and I'll come back to that in a bit.

The most important part is that you're too young. I would absolutely be against any kind of transition when you're that young. Don't socially transition, don't do any medication. Do things that will help you that are outside of that.

Shave. There's nothing wrong with shaving as a man. If you dislike your body, do some exercise, become fit. If you are suffering from other mental conditions, try and fix those before focusing on transition.

Chances are, once you're over twenty, have therapy and coping mechanisms for both autism and other psychological issues you may have, and have gotten used to grooming yourself in a way you like, you're going to feel happier.

You are already aware that you could be making a mistake. Don't make it. There's other things in your life that could be causing your issues. Deal with those first.

The most important part is this - transitioning doesn't magically make you happy.

Remember that if, once every other issue is settled, you have grown up, are done with school, etc, you still have a chance to look back at this question. Once you're an adult, and in clear state of mind, it is your decision and you will know the consequences. However, you should not rush anything. Right now, you are not really able to make such a decision. If you make the wrong decision now, you will likely regret it for the rest of your life.

I think this is a much more healthy approach than to immediately drown out everything. I think that forcing yourself to think that you can not and never will be able to transition can breed resentment. No, just relax. You have time.

There's no reason to focus on transitioning in this sensitive time in your life. Fix your life first, what you look like is not important and will not fix anything else.

So, here's my suggestion: tell your doctor you want to wait until you're older, and focus on other aspects. Mention any mental problems you have and request to have them approached as if you were not experiencing gender dysphoria. If they cannot do that, change therapist and don't mention your gender dysphoria.

Work on fixing other aspects of your life. Become healthier in other ways. If you wish to do feminine things, allow yourself to do so. It's not wrong or weird for a guy to enjoy make-up or grooming or dolls or whatever you feel like.

Try to make friends, and get invested in other people. Seek mixed gender groups if you worry about being pressured into being "one of the guys". Find people that you enjoy spending time with.

If you find yourself in a happier place in two to three years, you've succeeded. And once you're an adult, I'd recommend at least the age of twenty, reconsider. What would changing your gender accomplish?

If you're still deeply unhappy even with all other issues solved, then you know that that could be an option. Even then, take it slow. Don't rush.

But chances are you'll feel better. Chances are you'll have a different outlook on life. Chances are that you'll be okay.

I know as a teen it's hard to imagine the pain lasting for another couple years, but this pain is temporary. It does get better. And transition is not the solution to having a bad state of mind.

I wouldn't ever assume to know what it's like for others. I know there's a very real portion that has strong regrets afterwards, but there are others who genuinely look happy after years and years. I don't know if it's fake, but I have not studied it either and I am not going to make a statement either way, because pretending I know would be disingenuous.

To be clear, I know some transsexuals who always look unhappy. I think they're the majority. But one in particular I know very intimately and I've seen things go right. It may not have been the perfect solution, but I understand that it may have been the only solution at the time.

Even if for only 1% of those who transition, that step is the right and best step to take, I would not wish to take it away for those 1%. We'll just need to get better at identifying those 1%. And until we really have long term statistical data, we cannot say with certainty one thing or the other.

This is to say it's possible that, long term, everyone will come to regret it. But I do not know and afaik nobody knows. So, frankly, I think it'd be arrogant for me to think that just because I made a decision that was bad for me, everyone who makes that decision is the same.

Look, I don't consider them blameless. They are participating. What I do think is that the machine around them is the main problem. I think if some doctors - not all, but some - knew they were causing pain they would stop or advocate for legislation to protect the vulnerable. It's hard though because people resist the possibility they could have made mistakes.

And of course, this is from a country where doctors aren't usually paid based on what procedures they can extract from the patients. In America things may look drastically different.

Basically, I don't think most doctors are fully aware that what they're doing is likely to have negative consequences. (I think the numbers are around 80% of children stop having the wish to transition by adulthood, and nobody knows for adults.) The reality of people who detransition is not well known and often condemned.

I think activists ARE the ones who initially enabled this irresponsible behaviour. Because to a degree this comes from people who have ideological investment. This is not backed by science - there is literally no scientific consensus around the matter, as I've not been able to find anything even while interested in confirming trans identity.

I always acknowledged that being trans doesn't make me the opposite gender. I saw it like tomatoes being technically fruit. Yeah, it's correct, but you don't put tomatoes in a fruit salad either.

I think to a degree it still holds up. You can change your appearance, you can "pass" for most situations.

Are you the opposite gender? No. But you can live as close to one.

Personally, though, I feel like I thought I could escape a decade of depression, suicidal thoughts and relapses to bullimia by transitioning. I thought that that might be the "key".

I was wrong. My problem wasn't my gender, it was me. And I'm back to square one.

I don't know what really happens in the brain. Wish people wouldn't continuously block research. It's a shame, but we really need to know the facts. Without it, I think we're all just screaming our personal thoughts and experiences at each other, biases and all. Are there people who don't regret transition? Yes. Are they healthy? Who knows? Is there a difference between those who do regret it and those that don't? Yet again, who knows?

Thanks. It's pretty surprising to me how genuinely relieved I feel. Sure there's some tricky things but it's nothing that serious. I imagined it harder when I initially thought about stopping. But once I told people, I saw understanding. It'll take a while to get used to again, but frankly I'm not too concerned about what people call me any more. Pronouns, all that stuff in the end doesn't matter.

I thank you for your kind words.

I haven't been a fan of trans activism for a long time. They do not have enough evidence for their claims. Then again, the gender critical group often doesn't either, and there's also the fact that they are feminists, and I believe feminism is wrong on many things as well (they have some good points and have accomplished some good things, but they are oftentimes unscientific). Of course, that part is even more pronounced in the intersectional, trans inclusive crowd.

I was, for example, always against under 18s transitioning. I personally was 21 when I began, and I thought I was mature enough to make that decision. I was wrong. I don't want to imagine a 15yo doing that kind of thing. I also remember saying that if I had a pill that would make me not trans, I'd take it in a heartbeat. Which just goes to show how I shouldn't have transitioned in the first place I guess...

However, there's not enough data to show what it means to be trans, why it happens and why dysphoria manifests, sometimes lifelong, sometimes temporarily, to make a definitive statement. I will not make a statement either way, and there's enough people who "mutilate" their bodies in other ways - tattoos, piercings, cosmetic surgery, boob jobs, nose jobs, whatever. Their life. There's men who are happy with circumcision and ones who are deeply traumatized by it. Experience varies.

The important part to me is that we need to know. We need to know why, how, and what the consequences usually are. How to identify those who will definitely come to regret transition. Identify those that will be happy with it.

I'm neither a "TERF" nor a supporter who thinks that it was just "not for me". I think the whole thing is a lot more complicated than we imagine, and I certainly do not know the answer.

Okay, this is a very late comment but I haven't seen any responses to the accusations of trans women as pedophiles if they work with children. That just seems to me a variation of men who work with children are definitely predatory pedophiles... which is an insane thought.

I have also seen a hostility towards males in general. While there's a lot of empathy for women who are mentally ill and thought that they needed to transition, some of the comments towards men in the same situation do come across as cold and somewhat accusatory.

Now, I like this sub overall. I don't think it's a hate sub. I think its important that this sub exists - it's definitely giving me a lot of hope. But I do think a small group of the people here are unfairly demonizing bioligical men, possibly because a lot of women that come here have had bad experiences with them. I don't wish to silence them, but we shouldn't just pretend it never happens.

Thank you for the kind words.

I'm going to probably just use my old name. Not many people choose their names anyway, so I'll just have to get used to it. However, I will make more liberal use of my middle name, I think, even though unfortunately it's very difficult for many to pronounce. (It's Korean.)

Here's my advice, from someone who has always been socially reclusive and has had two partners, and nobody else, and hasn't gone dating.

I've found my two partners not based on looks. I talked to them both daily for approx. 5 months each, becoming their close friend. We realized we had feelings for each other and started dating after.

They looked nothing like the person I imagined dating. For example, i like the look of asian and mixed race people (probably because I'm asian mixed myself), but through circumstance both were blonde white.

The first relationship broke because of circumstance, but the second?

She's a gem. Troubled, but understands me very well. We have similar interests, play similar games, have similar viewpoints. We both dislike parties, stay home like boring old people, we don't drink. We collect plush animals and dice. She memes in the bedroom.

She's not the kind of person I'd approach normally. We met online and I initially had a bad feeling about her. The first thing she did was get into an argument with me!

But you know, six years in with almost five years of cohabitation, I couldn't ask for a better partner.

And she's post-op trans.

Sure, things went well for her. She had a good surgery and sexual pleasure is still reachable, though noticeably harder. She figured out what she likes after a while.

Yes, I knew her before. That's a factor, but if I hadn't genuinely cared for her in particular, I wouldn't have gone through it all.

Thing is that I value her as a person. I don't care for looks - so what if she's a bit chubby? I only worry she won't be healthy, I would still love her without hair with burnt skin and unable to walk because, honestly, she's just that compatible with me.

I moved to a different country for her. I'd do it again.

Don't look for a date. Look for a partner. Look for someone you connect with, not romance. And I reckon you'll have more luck trying for women as they tend to be less driven by sex and more driven by personality. (I am a woman, detrans after some hormone therapy.)

Good luck.

And I understand the sense of frustration from transitioning. I don't know whether you want to stay transitioned or not, but regardless of what yoh choose to do, try to look towards the future. I've had to come to terms with loss of my old voice (I don't like to brag, but I thought I was a decent singer and did it a lot - transitioning made me pretty much unable to sing, and too ashamed to try. However, I cannot go back so I focus on music in a way I can still enjoy. Not the same thing by any means, but I hope it helps.)