This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the extensive comment history provided, the account "watching_snowman" appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor. The comments display:
- Deeply personal, consistent, and nuanced lived experience with transition, detransition, and the associated physical and mental health struggles (e.g., severe vaginal atrophy, family dynamics, therapist experiences).
- A clear and evolving viewpoint that is critical of transition as a solution for dysphoria, citing health risks and personal regret, while still acknowledging the reality of their own dysphoria.
- Emotional depth and vulnerability that aligns with the passion and pain typical of someone who has experienced this specific form of medical harm and social stigma. The narrative is complex and self-reflective, not a simplified or scripted argument.
The account exhibits the hallmarks of a genuine desister/detransitioner who is actively processing a traumatic and life-altering experience.
About me
I started testosterone at 17, believing transition was my only escape from being a troubled, masculine girl. For five years, I lived as a man and my family accepted me, but the testosterone caused severe, chronic pain that left me bedridden. I realized my underlying trauma and mental health issues were never addressed by my affirming therapist. I've stopped hormones and am now a detransitioned woman, dealing with permanent physical damage and a lot of regret. I've learned that medical transition was a harmful coping mechanism, not a solution.
My detransition story
My journey into transition started when I was 17, fueled by a deep and long-standing discomfort with being female. I now believe this feeling, which I called sex dysphoria, was a mix of many things: the trauma of my mother’s abuse, being a masculine girl who didn't fit in, and the internalized belief that I couldn't be a happy, healthy lesbian.
My home life was really difficult. My father had misogynistic views, and my mother was mentally unstable and abusive. She was very creepy and invasive when I was going through puberty, coming into the bathroom while I showered and staring at me. When I told her it crossed my boundaries, she’d scream that my body belonged to her because she birthed me. She also constantly shut down my masculine presentation, telling me I didn't look pretty in cargo shorts. I think this environment, combined with the fact that I was naturally gender non-conforming, made me retreat into a trans identity. It felt like an escape.
I started testosterone at 17 after getting a diagnosis from a therapist. I did my research and knew I wanted the changes—a deeper voice, facial hair, a more masculine shape. For five years, I lived as a man. I passed almost 100% of the time. My family was skeptical at first but eventually accepted me. My dad called me his son, my mom said I was a handsome young man, and my relationship with my little sister, which had been turbulent, became incredibly close. We became almost co-dependent. Letting go of that bond now is one of the hardest parts of detransitioning for me.
But the physical cost was immense. Testosterone is essentially a steroid, and my body couldn't handle it long-term. I developed severe vaginal atrophy. It felt like a constant, stabbing period cramp; my vagina was dry, it burned, and the pain was so bad I became bedridden. My gender doctor was clueless and had no idea how to treat it. Prescribed estrogen cream didn’t help. The pain is what ultimately shook me out of it and forced me to stop T. I’m now dealing with the reality that I might never be able to have penetrative sex or use a tampon again.
My mental health didn’t improve with transition, either. I was just as suicidal after as I was before. The only thing it helped was my social anxiety, which was severe growing up—I was selectively mute and wouldn't go to school, probably due to the childhood abuse. Testosterone gave me a confidence boost and I started functioning better socially, but it didn’t fix the underlying problems. My therapist was an "affirming" one, and she was terrible. She brushed off my attempts to talk about my mother's sexual, physical, and psychological abuse. I think most people don't take female-perpetrated abuse seriously, and that's a huge problem.
I never bought into the broader gender ideology. I considered myself a transmed and believed in "brain sex," a theory I now see has no solid scientific proof. I’ve come to believe that no one is "born trans." Transition is a choice, a lifestyle, a coping mechanism for deeper issues like trauma, internalized homophobia, being autistic, or being extremely gender non-conforming. I suspect I'm on the autism spectrum, and I think that played a big part in my social confusion and feeling alienated from other women.
I’m bisexual, but I’ve never been sexually active. I have no desire to be right now, and I’m okay with that. I don’t think you need to be sexually active to live a full life.
Now, at 22, I am detransitioning. I don't regret it because I learned a lot from living as a man, but I deeply regret the permanent damage I’ve done to my body. I feel a lot of shame for how I treated my dad when he expressed concern for my health; I angrily told him he didn't understand, when he was right to be worried. I also feel shame for the position I’ve put my family in, as they introduced me to their new community as their son and now have to explain everything.
I don't think medical transition is the answer for dysphoria. It's self-harm. The technology isn't there, and you become a lifelong patient with a high risk of serious health complications, from early-onset dementia to sepsis. You end up in a medical gray zone, never truly male or fully female again, and it’s incredibly isolating. The only way forward is to accept your biological sex and find healthy ways to cope with the discomfort.
My thoughts on gender are that it's a social construct. Sex is real and binary—male and female. I think society needs to make more space for masculine women and feminine men instead of pushing them toward medicalization. We need to coexist.
I am trying to move forward, focusing on my physical health and finding peace with being a masculine, detransitioned woman. It’s a struggle every day, and I still have dysphoria, but I know hormones are not a healthy solution.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 17 | Started testosterone injections. Began living socially as a man. |
| 17-22 | Lived as a man for nearly 5 years. Passed consistently. |
| 22 | Developed severe vaginal atrophy and chronic pain. Stopped testosterone. Began the process of detransitioning. |
| 22 | (Present) Four months off testosterone. Struggling with the physical and social consequences of detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/watching_snowman:
I would recommend finding a therapist through the Genspect Beyond transition therapist directory. They pay for most of your first 12 therapy sessions and they only have non affirming/transition critical therapists on there, it’s for detransitioners specifically so I’d recommend it if you’re sick of ideological therapists
I think historically T being part of the LGB made sense to people because when this first started happening it was usually only hyper feminine gay men and the odd butch lesbian who transitioned. They were still seen as “part of the community” in some circles, of course they also had a lot of pushback but it was just a quiet sort of thing people acknowledged happened sometimes. So basically, trans back then was just seen as a sort of “super gay”. So gay you mimic the opposite sex and effectively live socially as heterosexual. Nowadays it’s mostly autogynephilic men and heterosexual women who are transitioning and becoming “gay trans men”, so I no longer think it makes sense to include the T, and also because the T does not serve the LGB in any way. If anything it is a hindrance to the gay rights movement and the LGB as of late has been forced to kind of drag along the mess that is the T behind them.
I’m sorry that happened. Frankly you were a minor when people allowed you to be transitioned and that isn’t your fault. It is the responsibility of adults to guide the decisions of immature young people, because our brains are not fully developed. That is the whole point of separating childhood and adulthood, it is to delegate responsibility and important decision making to ADULTS.
Watchful waiting. But the most likely outcome with extremely gender non conforming children in youth, they grow up to be lesbian or gay. It’s not discussed enough in my opinion about how this is a very normal trajectory in the developmental process of homosexuals. Even adult homosexuals who do make attempts at presenting gender conforming as they age often report very non conforming interests, style of preferred dress, and mannerisms in childhood. I’m not saying it’s certain as there are many anomalies in heterosexuals (often due to some high functioning autism, sexual assault, or some other anti social personality disorder from what I’ve seen over and over again).
My advice, if you will let me advise you, is this: Let your child be as non conforming as they want. Be loving of them unconditionally despite their non conformity (which I don’t doubt your love for them, seeing as you are asking for help. That’s a great sign to me that you care deeply about your child) But do not affirm them into believing they are in any way, shape, or form the opposite sex. Children are highly susceptible to thoughts and conclusions adults have already made for them. In their developing years their brains are like sponges, as we always famously hear. The neural pathways they form in their childhood will carry on to their entire adulthood. There is a reason why severe childhood trauma is very hard to treat, it is because in childhood the things we learn and see are engraved and etched in stone into our minds. I don’t deny the brain is highly plastic and can make incredible transformations, but do not make this a hurdle your child will have to waste a significant portion of their life trying to pass.
You need to tell your child he is a boy. He is male. He will grow to become a man in adulthood. But you also need to tell him that if he doesn’t want to be a stereotypical boy that is okay, and that doesn’t make him any less of a boy.
Gender nonconformity is very hard for humans to get over and simply accept. Even gender non conforming people themselves have trouble with this. I don’t have a solution, I just know from my own experience that medicalization of nonconformity only leads to health problems, sexual dysfunction, more sadness, and even greater alienation from others than before.
That’s so gross I’m sorry you had to go through that. I honestly wish autogynephiles would just date each other and leave lesbians alone. I’ve seen these pairings more and more these days and they seem to work fine! If they want to roleplay out a lesbian fantasy, that’s fine, but do it with SOMEONE ELSE THAT HAS THAT SAME FANTASY, NOT ACTUAL LESBIANS.
I’ve never liked those kind of woke trans people even when I was actively transitioning. I really don’t think any reasonable person, trans or not, likes this million gender pronoun sexual pride flag bullshit. The only people I see suddenly have a visceral disgust towards it after detransing are people who were involved with it in the first place. Like you are just noticing this? Lol
I was exactly in your boat just a few days ago after nearly 5 years on T. I passed very well, I didn’t even look queer because I abstained from colored hair, tattoos, piercings, dressed like a lumber jack and mostly only made friends with straight males. I thought okay, I accept I am female but living this man’s life helps me cope with my female reality. It okay because I accept reality I can keep doing this. But ultimately I decided to detransition because 1. It did not actually keep me from suicidal ideation, and 2. Most importantly, it was negatively impacting my health.
You say you’ve lived this way for well about a decade but the fact of the matter is that taking testosterone as a female and getting unnecessary surgery is self destructive behavior. It is unhealthy. You will eventually run into complications. I don’t know a single trans person who has gone all the way who lives without any complication. We just need to accept that the medical technology is not there yet, and ultimately masking our problems with this man suit will never bring you inner peace because you are not addressing the core reasons that led you to transition in the first place. Continuing to transition while still acknowledging femaleness is not radical self acceptance as you may think, as you are not accepting your healthy body. You are rejecting your healthy body and modifying it to an unhealthy degree, because you are feeding into your dysphoria.
I will not tell you what to do, but I hope you will consider everything I’ve said. I hope you find happiness in some way or another.
I only hate the ones that post about their transition online and paint it in a rosy glorified light. “Trans joy” and all that. Influencing thousands of young people because they can’t just be narcissistic on their own, they have to flaunt it to everyone and destroy unassuming people. I don’t hate the ones who are stealth and misguided, I just feel pity for those ones.
Jesus Christ. We really need to put an end to the practice of these horrific surgeries, it just isn’t ethical or safe for anyone, regardless of their situation. Some get lucky, but at the end of the day, even with the “good” outcomes, the result is permanent sexual dysfunction and worst case scenario is death. None of this is worth it. This poor person went through so much suffering for nothing and every single medical and mental health professional failed him. I can only hope he found some sort of peace before his death.
Well the main reason is that there are just more FtM transitioners in general, at least these days anyway. Second reason is T has a much more observably irreversible effect than E, for a lot of MTFs who haven’t had any surgeries detransitioning might just be as easy as stopping HRT and changing their style of dress. And third might be due to a more sociological issue with men being more ashamed of having gone through transitioning and admitting they were wrong to do so, or admitting that their reasons were sexually motivated (AGP), which many MTF transitions are (no I’m not saying ALL, but a considerable many these days from what I can see. Not trying to judge necessarily just an observation).