This story is from the comments by /u/weaboltonsquid that are listed below, summarised with AI.
User Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display a high degree of personal, specific, and medically literate detail about the user's detransition experience (e.g., specific drug names like Trenantone and Lupron, detailed vocal training techniques, discussions of specific surgeries like VFMR). The emotional tone is consistent with a genuine, passionate individual who has experienced significant medical and psychological distress, including grief, dysphoria, and chronic pain. The advice given is nuanced, empathetic, and aligns with known detransition experiences.
About me
I started identifying as non-binary because I felt like an ugly woman and wanted to escape that pressure. I took testosterone for nine months, which gave me a deep voice and facial changes that feel permanent. The hardest parts now are my altered voice and the chronic throat pain I live with. I am planning surgeries to help my voice and reduce my Adam's apple, and I'm learning to be kinder to myself. While I grieve the body I lost, detransitioning was my biggest act of self-love.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is complicated, and I'm still figuring a lot of it out. Looking back, I think a lot of my feelings started with a deep discomfort with myself. I never felt like I was enough as a woman. I felt too ugly, and I think I started identifying as non-binary because it felt like an escape from the pressure of being a woman. It was like, if I couldn't be a "good" woman, then maybe I didn't have to be one at all.
I ended up taking hormone blockers (Trenantone/Lupron) and then testosterone for about nine months. The changes from T were fast and intense. My voice dropped incredibly deep, deeper than my dad's. I lost the chubby cheeks in my face, and my body changed in ways that felt permanent. After stopping testosterone, I went back on hormone blockers again for a while because I was scared of what estrogen would do, even though I was detransitioning.
The physical effects have been the hardest part to deal with. My voice is a big one. I've worked really hard on voice training, mostly using videos from Transvoicelessons. I made a rule for myself that once I found my female voice again, I would never use my male voice, and now it's natural to me. I sound about 70-80% like I used to, but it's raspier now because my vocal cords are thicker. I also have chronic throat pain that I thought was just normal when I was on T, but it's not. It's worse if I try to speak in a deep voice. I'm actually planning to see a specialist next year about a laser surgery to thin my vocal cords and also to get a tracheal shave for my Adam's apple, which is a big source of discomfort for me.
My face changed a lot too. Being on hormone blockers and testosterone made me lose a lot of facial fat. It's come back a little, but my face is different now. I've had to accept that part of that is just from aging. I'm not a teenager anymore, and my face would have changed anyway. I saw an old X-ray from when I was 15 and another from when I was 18, after I'd been on T, and my actual bone structure was the same except for my jaw, which can keep growing until you're 21. It's mostly the soft tissue that changed.
One of the most difficult consequences has been on my sexuality and intimacy. Being on Lupron basically killed my libido, and it never came back. It feels like a form of chemical castration. I've stopped dating completely because it's so hard for me. I'm incredibly lucky that my best friend became my partner. We fell in love based on who we are inside, not our bodies, which is beautiful, but it's still a struggle for me to be intimate because I feel so disconnected and unhappy with my body, especially the bottom growth from testosterone.
Seeing another trans man at the endocrinologist's office was a weird moment for me. I could tell immediately that he was born female, and it made me realize that I probably never passed as well as I thought I did. That was a hard pill to swallow.
Do I have regrets? Yes, a lot of days are filled with grief for the body and the life I had before. I miss how I looked and sounded. But detransitioning was also the biggest act of self-love I've ever done for myself. It’s a process, and I'm learning to be kinder to myself. My thoughts on gender now are that it's incredibly complex, and for me, it was tangled up with low self-esteem and a desire to escape from myself. I'm just trying to heal now, both physically and emotionally.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 15 | Had an X-ray of my head for braces. |
| Around 17 | Started hormone blockers (Trenantone/Lupron) for the first time. |
| 18 | Started testosterone (T). |
| 18 and a half | Had another head X-ray; was on T for about 6 months at this point. |
| 18 | Stopped testosterone after a total of about 9 months. |
| 18 | Went back on hormone blockers after stopping T. |
| 20-21 | Was deep in the grief of early detransition, comparing myself to my younger self. |
| Now (at time of writing) | In a relationship with my best friend, continuing voice training, and planning consultations for vocal and tracheal shave surgery for next year. |
Top Reddit Comments by /u/weaboltonsquid:
No. I went to my endocrinologist again to say goodbye, actually. Before me was a transman- I could say immediately that this person is born a woman. Hips, eyes, shoulders, body size… I feel kinda weird, bc I thought that I passed most of the time- I probably never did.
To me, your face looks very feminine. And yes, your face will change over time. Mtf folks often say that estrogen takes time. I’ve seen trans women who still looked pretty masc after 1-2 years on E. Often the third year makes the difference. That’s why ppl should wait with facial fem surgery. I think you will look like yourself again. Your body can and will heal ❤️ (for me, my face is pretty much the same but I lost my cheeks and it’s more chubby. It will revert after time. But if you are uncomfortable you could use filler)
Oh… I wish I could give you a hug right now. The first year of my detransition the only big emotion I felt was grief. But trust me if I tell you: it will be better. It was so bad for me that i compared my face to the face I had when I was 14-17 (I was 20-21 at this time) - it would have changed to, with or without testosterone. I had a conversation with a friend a few days ago. She told me that she also misses how she looked when she was 16. She’s 26 years old now. She said that her hairline has changed a lot and that she misses having so much hair. She never took T.
I lost my libido since being on them. It’s been gone and never came back even though I got my period irregularly after being on it for +2 years. I’m now on HRT for menopausal women bc my period stopped bc of under eating bc of MCAS which I got from Covid.
Yes, i feel you… sister, feel hugged. The same happened to me- more or less. I think I used to identify as „nb“ at the time bc I felt too ugly to be a woman and that’s what „killed“ the Situationship in the end. Usually, hetero cis men are more understanding- this guy is just an asshole!
Yeah, that’s the reason why I haven’t been with someone since 2019 :‘D. I feel you. If the person really likes you, they don’t care at all, I think. For me it’s the bottom growth and the tiny adams Apple - all the other stuff disappeared, I’m lucky. It got smaller, yes. But I just miss my old genitals even though my clit was non existent before. Honestly, I don’t think that the surgery is „bad“. I mean what is worse? Maybe not feeling a lot anymore (which I already do because my sexdrive has been gone since puberty blockers and never returned) or having constantly dysphoria which does not allow you to have relationships and so on.
No, your face will change! Definitely! I was on hormone blockers after T and it changed a lot even though I did not have a lot estrogen in my body. Will I ever look like pre T/pre puberty blockers? No. Why? Because I aged. My bones are exactly the same btw but I‘m not a child anymore. I realized that when a friend of mine (female) showed me pictures of her when she was 15 and now (22). So don’t worry- your face will be feminine again! ❤️
After a few months my face wasn’t that „puffy“ anymore. But I did not get back my „baby face“ pre everything, because I went on hormone blockers again (Trenantone) after taking Testosterone. Also I’ve noticed a huge face change from pre everything to hormone blockers. I can’t tell you if my jaw got wider, because I had jaw surgery a few weeks before starting t. I feel like I have developed a little brow ridge and my eyebrows are deeper. Could also be aging or the effects from not having hormones inside my body for like 2 1/2 years.
I used the videos from transvoicelessons and that’s it. We are females: we have a small vocal tract and testosterone only enlarges/thickens our vocal folds. The thing is: when I archived the female voice after a few hours of training, i never stopped using it. My brain got used to it after a week or so… I have never used my male voice since then - only once when I visited a doctor (vocal fold specialist) who will remove my tiny adams apple and laser my folds against the chronic pain) I still can go as deep as 80hz. My highest was like 260hz or so.
I stopped dating completely. Even though I pass, I did not have any surgery and my voice is female again. I realised that the love of my life was right next to me: my best friend. He is my partner now. I think we fell in love with our souls and hearts - not our bodies. It’s still difficult for me to have intimacy bc I hate IT down there and I feel like Lupron took every drop of lust in me away. I mean… it’s chemical castration, isn’t it?