This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's narrative is highly specific, emotionally complex, and internally consistent over time. They describe a nuanced and psychologically intricate experience involving autogynephilia, body dysmorphia, parental influence, and the practical conflict between their gender identity and the desire to retain specific female sexual characteristics (like lactation). This level of personalized, contradictory, and painful detail is not typical of a fabricated account. The passion and "pissed off" nature of the comments align with the expected sentiment of someone who has experienced harm and confusion.
About me
I was born female and my confusion started young, tied to my abusive father and my mother's controlling feminism that made femininity feel like a forbidden act. My journey was driven by a sexual fetish where I am intensely attracted to feminine women and also want to embody them completely. I took testosterone thinking it would fix my dysphoria, but I stopped because I couldn't bear the thought of losing my breasts or my ability to lactate. I detransitioned for my body, not because of social pressure, and I don't regret trying T, only the pain it caused. Now I'm a female still struggling deeply, learning to live with my complicated mix of trauma, attraction, and my own femininity.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, deeply personal, and tied to a lot of other issues in my life. I was born female and from a very young age, around four years old, I identified as a boy. I believe a lot of this started because of my parents. My father was monstrous and abusive, and my mother, while the more sane one, was emotionally unavailable and controlling. She was a specific type of feminist who seemed upset by traditional femininity. I had to be secretive about wearing makeup or trying to look pretty, which made it feel like a thrilling act of defiance, a feeling I still get today.
They also gave me some very mixed-up ideas about bodies very early on. I was told that the clitoris is a penis, which I think severely warped my understanding of my own body and contributed to me believing I was a boy.
As I got older, a lot of my feelings became sexual. I developed what I can only describe as a fetish. I am intensely attracted to femininity and I also want to embody it completely. I see it as this beautiful, unattainable thing. I get turned on by myself when I dress in a hyper-feminine way or play with makeup. I’ve had crushes on very feminine female friends and driven myself insane trying to emulate them, to become them. I relate to sissies a lot, but only in the sense of being feminized myself; feminizing men does nothing for me sexually.
This created a confusing kind of dysphoria. I have an extremely feminine body—big boobs, a slim waist, and wide hips. On another woman, I would find this body type extremely attractive, but on me, it confuses me. I feel like my face is more androgynous, leaning male, and it doesn’t seem to match my body. I often felt like I was stealing a forbidden feminine form, and being turned on by my own body added to the confusion. I have always loved my breasts and have a real obsession with them; the idea of losing them was unbearable.
I thought taking testosterone would alleviate this weird dysphoria. I went on T even though I knew my breasts would eventually present a problem. I figured I could work it out later. T did fix my hormonal acne, which was a nice side effect. But the main issue remained. I worked it out, and my conclusion was that I did not want to be a man with big breasts. I looked into top surgery, but any procedure that removes breast tissue can ruin your ability to lactate. I am currently lactating and I love it; I didn't want to ever lose that ability.
So, I stopped taking testosterone. My detransition wasn’t because I felt it was the best or right option for my identity, but because it felt like the only option to live comfortably in my own body and in the world around others. I live in a very trans-accepting area and am even dating a trans woman, so social pressure wasn't the reason. It was a personal, bodily decision. Life hasn't necessarily gotten better since stopping; I still struggle deeply and sometimes feel like I want to drink myself to death. But I like to think this struggle is making me a stronger person.
My thoughts on gender are still complicated. I used to be involved with "truscum" ideas because I couldn't imagine someone wanting to transition without dysphoria. I still struggle to understand it, though I'm open to other people's experiences. I think a huge part of my own dysphoria is tied to my attraction to women. I see feminine women as beautiful, glowing angels, and I not only want to be with them but I want to be them, to attain their essence. It feels like they have a secret I'm desperate to learn. Most of them are straight and haven't been interested in me, which I think fueled these feelings.
I don’t really have regrets about transitioning. It was something I felt I needed to try to understand myself. I don't regret taking T, but I am very glad I stopped before making any permanent changes to my body that I would have hated, like getting top surgery. My only regret is the confusion and pain it caused along the way. I am who I am—a female with a complicated relationship to my body and my femininity, driven by a mix of attraction, trauma, and a sexual fetish that I'm still learning to live with.
| Age | Date (Approximate) | Event |
|---|---|---|
| 4 | ~1996 | Identified as a boy after parents gave me confusing information about my anatomy. |
| Early 20s | ~2019 | Started taking testosterone (T). |
| Early 20s | ~2021 | Stopped taking testosterone. Realized I wanted to keep my breasts and ability to lactate. |
| 25 | 2021-07 | Living detransitioned, still in a relationship with my trans girlfriend and navigating my complex feelings. |
Top Comments by /u/weepingwerewolf:
I have similar weird dysphoria issues severely. I’m female with an extremely feminine body (big boobs, slim waist, wide hips). I am attracted to women (men as well) and would find this body type extremely attractive on a woman but on me it confuses me to no end. I also have a very androgynous face (leaning into the male zone to the degree that my face was passable even before I started T despite my body type if I wore the right clothes) and I feel like my face doesn’t match my body.
I think a lot of my dysphoria has to do with my attraction to women. I see feminine women as beautiful, glowing angels basically and not only do I want to have sex with them but I want to embody them fully and attain their essence… but the overwhelming majority of them are straight and for the most part haven’t been too into me over the years (unless they were down to experiment and I cherish those memories greatly).
My body trips me out because I feel like it’s a forbidden thing I’m stealing. I love my tits and curves and love to dress to accentuate them and I’m severely turned on by it. I’m in a committed relationship with an mtf trans person but when I accentuate my femininity it feels like I’m dating my dream girl (myself) on the side.
I have a sure feeling that women have something they are hiding from me. I want to attain this mysterious essence.
Are you attracted to women at all? I feel like it could be key in this specific kind of dysphoria.
I was/am truscum because I can’t imagine it’s even possible to not have gender dysphoria and desire transition. Even if someone claims otherwise, I imagine their desire to transition or even just be regarded as something other than their AGAB would constitute a degree of gender dysphoria. I’m open to other people’s experiences but I simply can’t wrap my head around that.
It wasn’t really my scene though due to the overlap with transmedicalism which doesn’t really take into account the nuances of individual’s realities IMO and because for some reason there is a strong hatred of people identifying as pansexual over bisexual which I feel like is a totally unnecessary issue in that community and I prefer to identify as pan over bi so it was personal lol
I am attracted to femininity and I want to embody it. I see it as this beautiful, unattainable thing no matter how feminine I present. I get turned on by myself by playing with makeup or dressing up in a hyper girly way. I’ve had crushes on very feminine girl friends and driven myself insane trying to emulate them.
I also have a lot of gender issues related to my parents. I was abused by my monstrous father and I saw my mother as the sane one despite the fact that my mother was very emotionally unavailable and, while overly permissive in some ways, was overly controlling in other ways. She was the type of feminist stereotype who was upset by traditional displays of femininity and growing up I always had to be secretive about wearing makeup (despite the fact that she has always worn makeup every single day and would put it on me as a very young child) or going out looking hot. The thrill of defiance was always one of the biggest appeals of doing these things and even remains so to this day.
My parents were also very um... “free thinking” individuals (I guess is a nice way of putting it) in my youth and taught me about sexual difference very early in my childhood development (nothing inherently wrong with that if done correctly) however I believe they fucked up severely when I was told that the clitoris IS a penis. I identified as a boy since I was about four.
And yes, I love sissies and relate to them quite a bit but I only have a sexual interest in being feminized myself. Feminizing men can be fun but does nothing for me sexually.
I live in a state/city where it’s more cool to be openly trans. I’m even dating someone who is trans. It doesn’t necessarily get better in regard to location. I too want to drink myself to death.
I detransitioned not because I felt like it was the best option but because I felt like it was my only option to live comfortably around others. Things might be different for you and it may or may not get better for you. It hasn’t gotten better for me. I like to think though that this struggle is making me a stronger person. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you can find strength from it.
I’ve been aware of the fetish for over a decade and it confused me a lot at times. I often would have feelings along the lines of “I must be a man if I feel this way.” I stopped transitioning because I really like my boobs and don’t want to part with them at all in the future nor do I want to be an otherwise attractive dude with big boobs
Trying to feel lucky that I ended up with this fetish while having this body rather than haunted by it lol
Glad to hear getting off T is doing good things for your skin! I had the opposite effect as I had bad hormonal acne every month on my chin due to my period and T fixed that right up for me lol.
I’m hoping I can transfer my new skin care knowledge regarding fighting T acne over to my period acne if it becomes a problem again once my cycle returns.
I went on T as I assumed it would alleviate my weird dysphoria which I somehow have despite looking like a girl and wanting to be a girl. I still believe that I’m not really a girl and feel utterly detached from this idea of “true femininity” that I have.
I’m willing to put up with the world seeing me as a girl for now. There’s one hundred percent no doubt in my mind that if I had a different body type (I have huge hips that no amount of fat redistribution could diminish and have big boobs [coupled with an extreme breast obsession]) I would remain on T. When first getting on T I knew my boobs would present an issue eventually and I figured I could just work it out at a later time.
Well, I worked it out and I want to keep them and don’t want to be a man with big tits. I’ve considered extreme breast reduction or T anchor top surgery but with any kind reduction there is removal of breast tissue which can severely inhibit the ability to lactate. I’m currently lactating and love it and don’t want to ever lose that ability.