This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor.
The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over a five-year period. They describe a specific, personal journey of transition, detransition, and the complex process of reconciling with their body and identity as a butch lesbian. The language is natural, with personal reflections, humor, and a clear, evolving perspective that is characteristic of a genuine lived experience. The passion and criticism expressed are consistent with the experiences of real detransitioners and desisters.
About me
I started transitioning because I felt a deep hatred for my female body and believed becoming a man was my only escape from misery. I later realized my discomfort wasn't with being female, but with the sexist stereotypes I could never fit, especially after discovering I'm autistic. After two exhausting years living as a man, I found freedom in seeing butch lesbian role models who showed me I could be a masculine woman. I stopped testosterone and have come to feel at home in my body, seeing it as a strong, female vessel that just holds me. Now, I'm a confident butch woman, though I'm frustrated that people in progressive spaces often misgender me because I don't look feminine.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition started from a place of deep unhappiness. I felt like there was something fundamentally wrong with me, and for a long time, I believed that thing was being a woman. I grew up in an evangelical environment, which I now see as a cult, and a lot of the abuse I experienced was rooted in misogyny. I think I internalized the idea that being a woman meant being less than.
I also found out later in life that I'm autistic, and looking back, that explains a lot. Autistic people often think in black and white terms and struggle with vague concepts. When people tried to tell me that being a woman was about a "feeling" or "connection to womanhood," it made no sense to me. I have sensory issues, so I couldn't wear makeup or the kinds of clothes people associated with being a woman. I preferred pants and flannels. Because I didn't fit that feminine ideal, and because other girls often didn't understand me, I easily fell into the thought pattern of, "Well, maybe I'm not a woman at all."
Before I transitioned, I felt horrible in my body. I remember saying that two years ago, if I didn't transition, I felt like I would die. I felt like there were ants crawling under my skin when I looked in the mirror. I hated my breasts and felt completely disconnected from my body. I went to therapists for years to talk about transitioning, but I realize now I was hyper-focused on it being the solution. I wasn't dealing with my deep-seated issues like trauma, low self-esteem, and the internalized misogyny I had from my upbringing.
I socially transitioned and then started testosterone. I was on T for about two years. At first, it felt like a relief. But living as a man was exhausting. Even when I "passed," I never felt like I fit in. I missed being around women. I hated the way men talked about women when I was in their company; it felt awful knowing they included me in that category. It was like being a secret agent 24/7, constantly worried I'd do something to give myself away. The only time I felt safe was around other trans masculine people. I was putting myself in a "male" box, limiting my actions and interests to what I thought was acceptable for a man, and it felt like a performance.
What really started to change things for me was discovering feminism and seeing butch lesbian role models. Seeing women who were masculine, who loved other women, and who were proud of being female was a pivotal moment. It made me realize that I could just be a masculine woman. I didn't have to change my body to be myself. I realized that my deep discomfort wasn't with being female, but with the rigid, sexist boxes society tries to put women in. I started to question everything.
I stopped testosterone about three years ago. The changes were both reversible and not. My voice got a bit higher but didn't return to its original pitch. Some body changes reversed a little, but the hair growth mostly stayed. The biggest lasting issue has been my weight; I gained about 60 pounds on T and have found it very hard to lose, even though I'm active and healthy.
Letting go of the transition mindset was the best thing I did. I stopped feeding the dysphoria and obsessing over passing. I allowed myself to just act how I naturally would, and it felt right. Now, I feel at home in my body. I welcome her, with all her hair, breasts, and fat. I feel female and powerful. My body is just the meat that holds me together; it's not good or bad, it's just me.
I don't regret transitioning. It was a difficult journey, but I learned so much about myself. I processed a lot of trauma and got rid of a lot of my internalized homophobia and misogyny. I think it made me a better woman and a better person. I love what testosterone did to my body in some ways—I have a gravelly voice, big muscles, and I love being a big, strong butch woman. I love showing little girls that there are many ways to be a woman.
The hardest part now is dealing with other people's perceptions. As a butch woman, I'm constantly questioned. People, especially in progressive circles, will single me out to ask my pronouns, and then sometimes they'll they/them me even after I've said I use she/her. They see a woman in pants with a crewcut and can't believe I'm just a woman. It's incredibly aggravating and feels like a new form of misgendering based on sexist stereotypes.
Politically, this experience has made me more radical, but not in the way people might expect. I see a lot of sexism within left-leaning and trans communities, where the idea of what a woman is can be incredibly narrow and stereotypical. I believe trans people deserve rights and to live their lives, but not at the expense of women's rights and spaces. My values are firmly feminist.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Teen Years | Experienced intense body discomfort and misogyny-based trauma. Felt I didn't fit in as a girl. |
| Early 20s | Socially transitioned. Started testosterone. |
| 23 | After ~2 years on T, began to question transition. Felt living as a man was a performance and was exhausting. Discovered butch lesbian role models and feminism. |
| 23 | Stopped testosterone. Began the process of detransition. |
| 24 (3 months off T) | Started to feel at home in my female body again. |
| 25 (1 year off T) | Noted partial reversal of some effects of testosterone (voice, body changes), but weight gain persisted. |
| Present (Several years post-detransition) | Living authentically as a butch lesbian. Comfortable and mostly neutral about my body. |
Top Comments by /u/wendighosts:
detransing and then authentically living as a butch woman is so exhausting. people will make it a point to ask me (and only me, even in a group of people) my pronouns, because I’m obviously not performing womanhood correctly. and THEN they’ll they/them me even if I’ve said I use she. literally misgendering me to feel more woke interacting with a masc woman. 🙄
I know the intentions are good, but it’s incredibly aggravating to have everyone around me go, “but are you really a girl?” all the time.
not to be that person but society lol. we’re raised to think of girls as lesser and femininity is a cage built around that idea. I couldn’t run and jump and roll around in a dress (I still did, but I was scolded) and it made wearing one feel uncomfortable and foreign. I live with it by embracing my butchness, there are a lot of different ways to be a woman.
yeah…hard agree. even when I “passed”, I never felt like I fit in. I missed women. I hated the way men talked about women when I was around. I knew, at my core, that they included myself in that definition and I was always so paranoid that I would do something to give it away. it was like living as a secret agent 24/7, one of the most stressful things I’ve ever been though. the only time I ever felt safe was around other trans mascs.
yep! they were very supportive of me detransitioning and are still loving and supportive years later. at the end of the day it’s not them being trans or not, it’s how insecure they are about it. sometimes any sort of doubt will make people lash out and it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
honestly? it’s because other people weaponize detransitioners and trans people hate being contradicted. my ENTIRE family was sending me videos of detrans people when I first came out. and yeah, they were right, but you get so stuck in the “it’s not a phase” phase when you’re a teenager. you’re right and everybody who disagrees with you is wrong, and your friends on the internet make sure to tell you this every single day.
hey there! it’s me! I’m a big ol’ butch lesbian. I’ve always been masc but didn’t really realize that I could do that as a woman. I went on T for 1.5years before it started making me dysphoric. I detrans’d and “pass” as a girl about 95% of the time (the other 5 is about 1% people thinking I’m an actual dude and 4% LGBT people who think women can’t wear jeans)
I love what testosterone did to my body, I have a bitchin gravel-y voice, big ol muscles, and a couple of chin hairs that I think are cute. I walk around with my crewcut and my flannels and my work boots and I’ve never felt better. I love being big and strong for my community and I love showing little girls that there are all different kinds of ways you can be a woman.
I’m glad I transitioned! I learned a lot about myself, processed some deep-seated trauma and got rid of a lot of my internalized misogyny. I think it’s made me a better woman and a better person overall.
autistic people tend to think in black and white and don’t tend to do well with vague concepts that don’t have concrete rules. when you tell an autistic woman that being a woman is feeling connected to womanhood, of course we aren’t going to feel great about that. firstmost, autistic people often have issues with telling how or what we’re feeling at any given time. and anyway, what does womanhood feel like? if I ask my mother her womanhood is about makeup and clothes. uh oh. well, I can’t wear makeup because it upsets my sensory issues, same with most of the materials that make up fast fashion…if I ask a trans woman it’s about “skirt goes spinny”. oh…well, I don’t do that…I wear mostly men’s clothes. again, sensory issues. other women often don’t understand me…maybe it’s because I’m not a woman at all? it’s a very easy rabbithole to fall down, especially when your autism has fallen under the radar and you’ve gone undiagnosed.
nope, it’s made me even more of a radical. “leftists” are often sockpuppets for conservative values, wrapped up in the pretty bow of “progressivism”. I refuse to align myself with men who don’t think I’m a person just because trans people gross them out. my views and values are completely different. trans people are people and they deserve the right to live however they please, what they don’t get is to trample on womens’ hard-earned rights and spaces. it has made me a lot more uncomfortable in “left” leaning spaces, though. the amount of people that prioritize feminist witchhunts over rooting out pedophiles and racists within the community is staggering.
I mean. it’s kind of hard for them to find a radfem group on reddit to ask considering reddit nuked all the radfem groups (I can’t help but notice that all the rape porn and conservative hate subs managed to make it past this. classy. :) )
there’s a decent radfem population on tumblr, OP, if you want to find some to ask. generally radfem ideology is male=bad and female=good and by their definition, you are female, so you’d be welcome but likely to be misgendered.
(*disclaimer, I am not a radfem or transphobic. I just keep in the know about all sects of feminism news.)
the parasocial relationship comes for us all tbh.
I was pretty crushed when I heard the news. finding role models (out, proud butch lesbians) was a pivotal part of me realizing that I needed to detransition. that I could just be a masculine female, and that being a woman and loving other women didn’t make me a broken person. Page was one of those people for me. I’m worried for the other lesbians in my life. I’m worried that every gay “woman” I’ve ever known is coming out as a trans guy. I’m worried that there aren’t going to be any lesbians actresses or lesbian role models in the public eye. but when it comes down to it? Elliot Page doesn’t owe us anything. he’s living his best life to the best of his ability. I truly hope it brings him happiness. I really wouldn’t wish the journey I’ve been on on anyone.