This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic.
The user demonstrates:
- Consistent, nuanced, and personal perspectives on detransition and internalized misogyny.
- Empathetic and detailed advice drawn from lived experience.
- A natural, conversational writing style with varied sentence structure and personal anecdotes.
- A clear, multi-year posting history focused on the topic.
The passion and strong opinions expressed are consistent with a genuine detransitioner or desister's perspective.
About me
I started by rejecting the strict expectations placed on women, from beauty standards to uncomfortable attention from men. I thought my discomfort meant I wasn't a woman, so I began taking testosterone, but it didn't fix my underlying depression. A turning point was meeting other masculine women who showed me I could be happy as a female without conforming. I now understand my problem was with society's rules, not my body, and I've found peace as a gender non-conforming woman. My journey taught me that my authentic self is internal, and I don't need to change my body to be whole.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition was long and complicated, and it was rooted in a deep discomfort with the expectations placed on me as a woman. I never felt like I fit in with what society said a girl should be. I hated the beauty standards, the pressure to wear makeup and dresses, and the sudden, uncomfortable sexual attention from men that started in puberty. I looked at other girls who seemed fine with it and thought, "I'm not like them." I now see that as a form of internalised misogyny. I didn't realise that most women are just following a script written by and for men without even thinking about it. I thought that because I hated performing femininity, I must not be a woman at all.
This line of thinking, combined with spending a lot of time online where trans identities were prominent, led me to believe I was a man. I thought transition was the answer to all my discomfort. I took testosterone for a period of time. I struggled with severe depression and anxiety throughout this period, which included some very dark, violent thoughts. Medication helped manage that, but it was something I had to consciously work on.
I eventually realised that changing my body wasn't fixing the real problem. The problem wasn't that I was born in the wrong body; the problem was that I hated what society expected a female body to be and do. A major turning point for me was spending time in real life with other masculine women and butch lesbians. Seeing them just existing happily as themselves, without any desire to be men, was incredibly powerful. It gave me a sense of peace and showed me there was another way to be.
I also benefited from exploring spirituality, specifically Taoism. It helped me understand that my authentic self is internal and that my external presentation doesn't have to define me. This was a much healthier way for me to deal with my distress.
I came to appreciate the unique connection women have with each other. I realised that what I had been yearning for wasn't to be a man, but to have that safe, open rapport that women often share in conversation. Even small things, like the tone of voice we use with each other, can create a feeling of immediate understanding and ease.
I don't regret my transition entirely because it was a necessary part of my journey to get to where I am now. It led me to these important realisations. However, I do have concerns about the medical path. I would strongly caution anyone considering bottom surgery to research it extensively, as it's often presented as simpler and more successful than it is. The risk of losing sensation permanently is very real.
My main regret is that I didn't have these insights sooner. I wish I had understood that you can be a gender non-conforming woman and be completely happy and at peace with that. My discomfort was with society's rules, not with my own self.
Age | Event |
---|---|
14 | Stopped wearing dresses and skirts after being forced to wear them for school. This was the start of my strong rejection of performative femininity. |
(Various ages in teens/early 20s) | Took testosterone as part of my medical transition. |
23 | Figured out and became comfortable with my identity as a masculine woman. This was a result of introspection, exploring Taoism, and meeting other masculine women in real life. |
Top Comments by /u/werewolfskins:
from my own experience i can guess it is because of internalised misogyny. women are pressured to be feminine, and so you have a lot of young girls coming into puberty and hating the beauty standards being put on them, hating the sudden sexual attention of men, and thinking "im not like other girls, i dont like wearing makeup, shaving, etc" without realising that you can be a gender non-conforming woman and be happy and be at peace with it.
with the spotlight being put on trans issues, a lot of these young girls think "if im not like other girls, i must be a man then." rather than looking inward and thinking about why performative femininity makes them uncomfortable (hint: because it's all for men's pleasure).
it is society's failing, not these girls' failing.
no problem. i should probably mention, in case i didnt make it clear, that a majority of these young girls, and unfortunately a majority of women in general, are completely unaware of the oppression and constraints they face in society.
most women dont think twice about putting on makeup. most women dont think twice about wearing revealing clothing. most women are unaware of how the male gaze dominates media and society.
a gender non-conforming girl might hate wearing makeup - and she thinks women naturally like wearing makeup, because she sees everyone else wearing it with no complaint, without realising that it is a beauty standard created by men.
a gender non-conforming girl might hate wearing revealing clothing - and she thinks women naturally like wearing revealing clothing, because they do it with no complaints, without realising it is created for the male gaze.
a gender non-conforming girl might see heaps of crappy, one-dimensional, sexualised female characters in media - and she thinks she cannot possibly relate to that woman, without realising almost all female characters are written by men who have no idea how to write women.
so gender non-conforming girls are tricked into thinking they are different, that they are other. it sucks being a woman. it's great being a man. so become one!
this misguided intent leads a very, very long way down. it can get very sad.
apologies for the long reply!
research ftm bottom surgery, it is never as simple and easy as people make it out to be. its way easier to just use the strap than risk losing sensation for the rest of your life
for me spending time IRL at work around other butch lesbians and masculine older women, surprisingly, did wonders for alleviating my dysphoria. a unique peace of mind comes with finding out theres other women out there like you.
Other people in this thread have made great points so I will just make a minor one: if you don’t like wearing feminine clothes, you probably will never like it. I would advise against forcing yourself into it, “to see if you will eventually get comfortable with it”. I tried it. You never will. I haven’t worn a dress or skirt since we were forced to wear formal dress at school at age 14.
I became a lot more comfortable with myself once I realised that almost everything women do that makes them ‘feminine’ is just annoying procedures to please the male gaze. Dresses, skirts, high heels, makeup, shaving, it never ends.
Realising this helped me a lot with coming to peace with being a masculine woman. Trust me, it’s hard: always having your mother comment something like “I wish you’d try to look nicer” when you are comfortable going to the shops in boxers and a hoodie, or having random strangers glance at your unshaven legs in disgust. Maybe in your case, you might even have people assuming you’re male until you speak, and then giving you a weird look.
But it’s all driven by the pressure put on women to be appealing as possible at all times. masculine women have always existed, and I’m wishing you the best on your journey to peace.
those teen years are definitely the time when your personality, humor and social circles generally center around a particular thing, be it cosplay, video games, or as you stated, being 'different' by being trans. honesty hurts but it is almost always the best option to go with, so the sooner you come out to your friends the better. and if you suddenly find the friendships unfulfilling and insipid after you lose that common 'thing', then unfortunately it is true that we lose friends throughout life. you will bond with others over different things, youre still very young.
also be prepared to figure out your identity for a few years to come. people have these kinds of 'self-realising' journeys all the time, it is way more common than ppl talk about. i didnt figure out and become comfortable with my gender & sexuality until i was 23. spirituality and learning about taoism in particular helped me temper the distress of external identity... once you realise that your authentic self is inside and the outside doesnt matter, then life becomes a lot easier.
and if you really dont want to be introspective with spirituality, then my final advice is never underestimate the power that hanging out with masculine women IRL has when it comes to absolutely curbstomping gender dysphoria. my old job supervisor helped me so much by just existing lol. wishing you the best!
hello fellow detrans aussie! it is good to hear that you eventually came to peace with yourself. you might be able to get a relatively accurate answer online on potential organ issues if you know how long youve been on T and the dosage. just takes a bit of looking into. it just sucks that most of these resources are online instead of at the gender clinic where they should be.
i had similar violent thoughts from bad depression and anxiety, so if they ever come back for you, medication can help but it is also something that has to be managed consciously. thats just my advice since i dealt with a similar thing : )
this is just small advice since i am hella not qualified to give deeper advice, but in conversations with ladies, just a simple tone inflection is enough to totally change how we perceive people. women talk different with each other than how men talk with each other or with the other sex. it is as simple as lifting up the tone on the end of your sentences or drawing out tones. without beating around the bush, its basically like how gay guys talk sometimes. even if you look like a man, and have a man's deep voice, if i as a woman hear you talking with that friendly tone, it immediately puts me at ease and more open.
take what you want from this advice, but i guess i also wrote it as an excuse to say i really love your reddit username lol :D
It’s lovely to hear the examples you gave and to know you’ve already got it down pat. I brought it up because it was probably the most important realisation I had in my detransition - that I couldn’t relate with talking to men, and Instead yearned for that special connection that women have when conversing together, how we feel safe and open with each other even when just met. It’s impossible to explain but it’s there. You’re on the right path and you have the best attitude, I wish you all the best!