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Reddit user /u/westernskies93's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 23
female
low self-esteem
internalised homophobia
hated breasts
took hormones
regrets transitioning
trauma
depression
influenced online
body dysmorphia
retransition
homosexual
puberty discomfort
started as non-binary
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user demonstrates deep, nuanced, and personal engagement with the complex emotional and psychological aspects of detransition. The writing is consistent, passionate, and reflects a lived experience, including personal anecdotes about trauma, internalized homophobia, and the process of rebuilding an identity. The account shows a clear, consistent viewpoint that aligns with a desister/detransitioner who found resolution through gender-critical feminism rather than transition.

About me

I started feeling intense shame about my female body when I hit puberty very early. I later mistook the trauma from a sexual assault and my low self-esteem for being a man, so I transitioned. I realized I could never actually become a cis man and that transition was creating a whole new set of problems for me. I detransitioned and through therapy, I dealt with my PTSD and internalized issues. I’m now at peace, living freely as a woman and focusing on my life instead of my gender.

My detransition story

My journey with gender started with a deep discomfort during puberty. I hit puberty very early and was the first among my friends to get my period. I was so ashamed, embarrassed, and angry about it that I couldn't even say the word "period" until I was in my twenties. That feeling of my body betraying me was the beginning of a long struggle.

I came to believe that all my feelings of discomfort—hating my curves, my voice, being perceived as feminine—meant I was supposed to be a man. It gave a name to a huge collection of ugly, confusing problems I didn't know how to solve. Looking back, I see now that a lot of this was tied to other issues. I had an eating disorder and struggled with very low self-esteem. A major turning point was realizing that a sexual assault I experienced at 19 was a huge factor. I started having grotesque thoughts about my body and genitalia, which I mistook for bottom dysphoria. It was actually PTSD; my mind was trying to find a way to cut off the version of me that had been hurt. Transition felt like a way to become someone new, someone that trauma hadn't happened to.

I socially transitioned and started taking testosterone. For a while, it felt like the answer. But I eventually hit a wall. I realized that what I truly wanted was to be a cis man, and that was something I could never achieve. I was becoming a masculinized female, stuck in the middle, and it was creating a whole new set of problems. The constant obsession with passing, the endless self-reflection, and the medical interventions were exhausting and demoralizing. I was pouring all my energy into my gender and had nothing left for the rest of my life.

I also started to understand how internalized misogyny and homophobia played a role. As a female who didn't conform to femininity, I felt like an outcast. The idea that I might just be a butch lesbian was something I had rejected because of internalized prejudice. The trans narrative gave me a reason for why I didn't fit in that felt more validating than just being a gender-nonconforming woman.

Deciding to detransition was one of the hardest but best decisions I’ve made. The fear of embarrassment was huge, but it was outweighed by the incredible feeling of freedom. I stopped having to explain myself constantly or worry about how I was being perceived every second. I could just live. Letting go of that constant battle with my body was a massive weight off my shoulders. I focused my energy on things I actually enjoyed, like my work, and the paralyzing disgust I felt for myself began to fade.

I don't regret my transition because it was a necessary part of my journey to get to where I am now. It forced me to confront my trauma and other mental health issues head-on. I benefited greatly from therapy that wasn't just about affirming a trans identity but that helped me unpack the root causes of my distress, like the PTSD from my assault.

My thoughts on gender now are that it's often far more complicated than the simple narrative of being "born in the wrong body." For many of us, our discomfort was rooted in trauma, societal pressures, and other mental health conditions. I think it's a lie to tell people they can completely change their sex, and pursuing that can prevent them from dealing with the underlying issues that would bring them real peace.

Here is a timeline of my transition and detransition events:

Age Event
~9-10 Hit puberty very early, intense shame and discomfort began.
19 Sexually assaulted; this event drastically intensified body hatred and dysphoric feelings.
20 Socially transitioned, began identifying as male.
21 Started testosterone.
23 Realized transition would not make me a cis man and was creating new problems. Stopped testosterone.
23 Began the process of social detransition, working to accept myself as a woman.
24-25 Underwent therapy focused on PTSD and underlying causes of dysphoria. Found peace with my body.

Top Comments by /u/westernskies93:

30 comments • Posting since January 2, 2019
Reddit user westernskies93 explains why they detransitioned, stating that wanting to *be* male rather than just look like one created new problems, and that accepting being a woman made their life "lighter and easier."
68 pointsJul 4, 2019
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This is actually something you'll see loads of detransitioners saying. Transition is sold as transmen are men, in the end they're identical experiences but in practice that's so far from the truth. I wanted to be male, not just look like one so long as I keep my clothes on. Being stuck in the middle as a masculinised female just created new problems rather than solving the original one. Once I kind of accepted, as you say, that I am a woman and that's just the way things are - honestly my life got so much lighter and easier. Fighting with reality that way to become something you can never really become is exhausting and demoralising.

Reddit user westernskies93 comments on a detransitioner's post, criticizing them for engaging in bad faith, dismissing advice as "gender critical theory," and spouting trans activist talking points instead of engaging with the community.
47 pointsJan 2, 2019
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Like honestly why even visit this sub if you’re going to turn around and disparage the advice people have taken time to write for you as gender critical theory that you simply won’t entertain? You are not here in good faith and you are wasting everyone’s time. The data around ‘female brains’ in trans women is extremely dubious, intersex communities have repeatedly asked that trans activists stop lumping the two in together and maybe if you actually went and read some gender critical theory, you would be better equipped to answer your own questions. You have come to one of the only spaces for detransitioners on the internet to spout trans talking points and not engage with anyone’s points at all and honestly its really poor behavior on your part

Reddit user westernskies93 explains how cultural misogyny and homophobia can cause gender dysphoria, and defends the detransitioner community against accusations of being a harmful cult.
41 pointsJan 2, 2019
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You wanted a totally different opinion and now you're here calling us a cult. You asked for a way to treat gender dysphoria other than transition - one of those ways is acknowledging that cultural misogyny and homophobia play into how we see ourselves and how it can lead to dysphoria. Realising that link was critical for me and has improved my life immeasurably. I'm not a cult and I'm not out to kill anyone.

I am not saying you don't have the right to say whatever you want and honestly it's kind of silly that that's immediately what you jump to. What I'm saying is you came to a subreddit where a lot of people have found GC theory really helpful to resolving their dysphoria, to ask what you should do with your life, and then you're saying GC theory is responsible for killing people? That's not ok. If you want reasons to transition or not to transition that are based on ideas like gendered brains, then one of the other trans subreddits would have sufficed.

Detransitioners get so much backlash from the trans community already, hence the separate subreddit. I mostly just lurk here but like calling this a cult out to kill trans people because it doesn't follow your ideas about a biological basis for being trans is just beyond the beyonds.

Reddit user westernskies93 explains why they believe gendered brain theory is fringe science and a reason many detransitioned after being told they had the 'wrong brain' for their gender.
35 pointsJan 2, 2019
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I'm saying you're acting in bad faith because someone wrote you a really long response explaining something quite personal , and your response is typical queer theory stuff about gendered brains, which is fringe science. There is no widely accepted theory of male and female brains, and in fact feminism has fought for years to get rid of the idea of a female brain. In fact a major reason many of us transitioned is we were led to believe we had male brains rather than just being females who did not conform to femininity. You were the one who came in saying that all of gender critical theory is nonsense, all these ideas of gender dysphoria being rooted in issues like internalised misogyny or homophobia is wrong, that it all has to be physically based. If that's your view you could have asked that in literally any trans subreddit - why come here? I dont go to r/ftm to talk about how my dysphoria arose from being assaulted

Reddit user westernskies93 comments on detransitioners' familiarity with pro-transition studies, stating they are tired of being spoken to as if they are stupid or unaware of the research they once cited themselves.
33 pointsJan 2, 2019
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" You think you’re so big & tough with your “facts” we’ve certainly never heard 🙄 or researched. I think you should probably check your place"

This is the thing that annoys me do they not realise we're all really familiar with all these "studies" they are citing? That five years ago we were all citing them as well? I'm so tired of these people speaking like we're stupid or don't understand what's going

Reddit user westernskies93 comments on a detransitioner's post, challenging their use of the term "honey" and disputing their claim of having "lived as a woman part-time."
26 pointsJan 2, 2019
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Why do you keep calling me honey? Talk about cliche men using diminutives to talk down to women.

You never lived as a woman, part time or otherwise, to suggest anyone could live as a woman part time is ludicrous. First you were a gay man and forgot to mention the rest, then you LIVED AS A WOMAN, now it turns out youre a man with long hair who thinks that means we should listen to everything he says.

Reddit user westernskies93 comments on a user's conflicting story, questioning why they sought transition advice after already using women's bathrooms while presenting part-time.
22 pointsJan 2, 2019
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That’s a very different kettle of fish to what you told us in your original message. Why seek advice on transitioning when you have already done so? Had we known you were part time dressing as a woman and then going into women’s bathrooms I wonder if you would have gotten such nice responses from people before this

Reddit user westernskies93 comments on a user's conflicting story, questioning their claim of living as a woman for two years versus being a gay 19-year-old.
21 pointsJan 2, 2019
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Lol great so you admit you’ve been bullshitting us - you’ve been living as a woman for two years? I thought you were a gay 19 yo who thought they were attracted to their own reflection because it was masculine? Which is it?

You should send the old UN a note about that human right to subreddits I don’t remember seeing it on the list.

Reddit user westernskies93 comments on the enormous 4000% increase in young women presenting as FTM at London's Tavistock Clinic over the last 5-10 years, noting the trend is global and even worse for adult clinics.
16 pointsMay 17, 2019
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Its because of the enormous rise in ftms in the last 5-10 years. Tavistock Clinic in London has had a 4000% increase in young women presenting as ftm,which is just out of this world and it's only kids, the figures for adult clinics are even worse. And it's the same all over the world.

Reddit user westernskies93 comments on the difficulty of having critical discussions about transition without being labeled a TERF.
16 pointsMay 12, 2019
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Its very hard to discuss anything even faintly critical of transition without being labelled a terf. If you're not able to analyse something someone says on your own, without resorting to ignoring people you've deemed terfs, that's a you problem not being able to think for yourself.