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Reddit user /u/whatinthehecking's Detransition Story

male
low self-esteem
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
started as non-binary
anxiety
benefited from non-affirming therapy
autistic
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on these comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it's a bot or a bad-faith actor.

The user's perspective is internally consistent, emotionally nuanced, and reflects the complex, often painful, process of questioning and re-evaluating a transgender identity. The language is natural, and the arguments, while strong, align with the kind of passionate, personal reasoning you would expect from a genuine detransitioner or desister.

About me

I started transitioning because I thought it was the only way to be a valid masculine person, but I was really just trying to escape my anxiety and low self-esteem. I took hormones and lived as a trans woman, but I was always open about my history because pretending felt like it would create more pressure. My perspective completely changed when I realized that clothes and hobbies aren't gendered and that I could just be a feminine man. I've grown to appreciate my male body and no longer believe you need to change yourself to be happy or loved. Now, I'm at peace being exactly who I am: a feminine man comfortable in the body I was born with.

My detransition story

My whole journey with transition started because I thought it was the only way to be a valid, masculine person. I was born male, but from a young age, I never felt like I fit in with the stereotypical idea of what a man should be. I was into things that weren't considered "manly," and I processed the world differently, which I later understood was because I'm autistic. For a long time, I felt a lot of social anxiety and low self-esteem, and I think I saw transition as a form of escapism from those feelings.

I started identifying as non-binary first, and then later as a trans woman. I thought that if I couldn't be a "good" man, maybe I could be a woman instead. I took hormones for a while. But the entire time, I was never stealth. I was always completely open about being trans. I never understood the point of pretending to be something I wasn't. For me, that would have just created more anxiety. Being open from the start made it easier to find people who accepted me for exactly who I was.

Over time, my thoughts on gender really changed. I came to realize that I don't think you need to change your body or take hormones to express yourself. I have female friends who are more masculine than I am—they have facial hair, no breasts, wear masculine clothes, and are still women. Hobbies and clothes aren't gendered; it's only society that puts those labels on them. You can be a man and be feminine, or a woman and be masculine.

I also started to think a lot about sexuality. I questioned why a straight woman would want to be with a gay man instead of just being a straight woman herself. For me, sexually, the genitals are what matter. I can be as feminine as I want, but I will always have a penis, and that's become a central part of how I experience pleasure and intimacy. I've really grown to appreciate my body and what it can do, especially through things like prostate massage. I realized that I don't need to change my body to be happy or to be loved.

I don't regret my transition because it was a necessary part of my journey to get to where I am now. It helped me work through my confusion and ultimately led me to a place of self-acceptance. I benefited from not having affirming therapy that just told me what I wanted to hear; instead, I had to really question myself and my motives. Now, I'm comfortable just being a feminine man. I'm at peace with the body I was born with.

Age Event
Young Adult Felt I didn't fit in as a man; struggled with anxiety and low self-esteem.
20s Identified as non-binary, then as a trans woman. Began taking hormones.
Throughout Was always openly trans ("transparent"); never attempted to be stealth.
Late 20s Stopped taking hormones. Came to accept myself as a feminine man.

Top Comments by /u/whatinthehecking:

5 comments • Posting since May 23, 2022
Reddit user whatinthehecking (detrans male) comments on the difficulty of voice-passing for trans men and questions the desire for stealth, advocating for transparency about one's natal sex.
6 pointsMay 23, 2022
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Yeah once you know the voice its so easy to clock trans guys unless they really did their work. I mean would you rather be a hot masc or fem woman or an ugly man. If ugly man then maybe you're trans.

I never understood stealth. That just sounds like anxiety and further issues. I have always been 100% "trans"parent. Why pretend to be something I am not? I am always going to be the male sex reproductively and any surgery is cosmetic. Why tell pretend I'm some natal women when I was born a man? Why worry about being found out when you just be "found out" from the start? This made it way easier to seperate the people I want to be around vs the people I don't.

Why not just be a straight woman instead of a gay man? Like I've been with ftm and considered it straight sex because for me the genitals are what matters. Everything else is cosmetic. Women can have beards and no boobs. Take my wife for isntance, shes CIS, facial hair and no boobs, still a woman.

Reddit user whatinthehecking (detrans male) comments on the prevalence of non-girly cis women and female economic dominance in his educated, white-collar social and professional circles.
5 pointsMay 23, 2022
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Sorry to hear that. It may be harder on kids. None of my (amab) het cis female friends are girly at all. Most wear more masculine clothes, loves video games, and often act more traditional male than some of my amab male friends. Where I work at my job, there are way more women in higher positions. Among my friends their wives almost in 100% of cases make more than the husband in terms of earnings. At least in the educated white color spaces I've seen women dominating.

Reddit user whatinthehecking (detrans male) comments on gender expression, explaining that hobbies and clothing aren't inherently gendered and that societal pressure, not gender, is the real barrier to self-expression.
5 pointsMay 24, 2022
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Im in a similar boat. I always wanted to be leaner. Hobbies arent really gendered. I have women friends that are traditionally more masculine than I am. But even as a "man" theres nothing stopping you from wearing feminine clothes or doing more traditional feminine hobbies. Its only society in your brain. Regardless of your gender and experience you are allowed to do whatever you want.

Reddit user whatinthehecking (detrans male) comments on the permanence of biological sex, discussing sexual identity, the role of a natal penis, and discovering pleasure through prostate massage.
3 pointsMay 23, 2022
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Yeah and at the end of the day you'll still always be female as I've realized I'll always be male. I can't imagine what it would be like not to be able to give pleasure to someone without a naturally erect penis. I can be as feminine as I want, but my penis seems to be what counts for me sexually and even as a trans woman, gay men were into it. It took my getting older to really enjoy being a natal penis haver. I only recently understood how great prostate massaging really is in terms of experimenting etc.

I don't think you need any testosterone to be masculine.

Reddit user whatinthehecking (detrans male) comments on the difficulty of being stealth, relating it to his ASD and the mental ease of not pretending to be a normative thinker.
3 pointsMay 23, 2022
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suppose. I guess this just further illustrates that you can't 100% change your gender. It's also just way easier mentally to not be stealth about anything in your life. I'm ASD and its a lot easier not trying to pretend to be a normative thinker and just admit that I process differently.