This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic actor. The comments demonstrate:
- Personal, nuanced experience with dysphoria, detransition, and body image issues.
- Empathetic and specific advice that reflects a deep understanding of the community's struggles.
- Consistent perspective across comments, with a focus on therapy, self-reflection, and caution regarding medical transition.
- Appropriate passion for the topic, including calling out cruelty towards intersex people and predatory behavior, which aligns with a genuine user who has strong feelings based on lived or observed experience.
About me
I'm a woman who, from a young age, wished I had been born a boy. My journey was deeply tied to sexual fantasies and a desire to escape the difficulties of womanhood, which led me to consider transition. I realized my body issues were actually a mix of dysphoria, dysmorphia, and trauma, not a true male identity. I stopped pursuing medical transition to focus on my mental health in therapy. I'm now learning to find peace and safety in my own body as a woman.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was really young. I remember just wishing I had been born a boy sometimes. I didn't think much about my body then; it was more about the social roles and how I saw myself. When I hit puberty, things got more complicated. That's when I started having sexual fantasies where I had a penis, and I wanted one for masturbation. It was confusing and felt like a kink, which made me feel ashamed for a long time. I now realize that was a form of autogynephilia, or AGP, where the idea of being a different gender is tied to arousal. For a while, I even liked having larger breasts, and the intense sex dysphoria I'd felt seemed to fade into the background.
But in my early twenties, everything came rushing back, worse than ever. It wasn't just a sexual thing anymore. I felt like a complete stranger in my own body. I started getting what people call "phantom limb" sensations, feeling like a part of me was missing. It was a really dark time, and my mental health took a nosedive. I struggled with depression and anxiety, and I now see that a lot of my feelings about my body were actually body dysmorphia. I had a distorted view of myself, thinking I was fat when I wasn't, and I battled bulimia.
I started to question if transitioning was the right path for me. I realized a lot of my desire to be male was wrapped up in escapism—a way to run away from being a woman and all the difficulties and attention that came with it. I also saw how much I had been influenced by what I saw online and by friends who thought it was the only solution. I decided to take a break from the idea of medical transition to focus on my other mental health issues. I told people I needed time to reassess, and that it was a responsible thing to do before making any permanent changes.
Working through this in therapy that wasn't just about affirming a trans identity was the biggest help for me. It allowed me to untangle the dysphoria from the dysmorphia, the trauma, and the low self-esteem. I learned that it's okay to have a combination of features and that you don't have to fit perfectly into a binary box. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a lot more fluid and complicated than we're often led to believe. For me, it wasn't about being a man trapped in a woman's body; it was about struggling to feel comfortable and safe in the world.
I don't regret exploring my gender, because it led me to a much deeper understanding of myself. But I do have some regrets about how quickly I almost rushed into medical procedures that wouldn't have addressed my core issues. I'm grateful I stopped and questioned things. I'm now trying to find peace with living as a woman, with all the complexities that brings.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Childhood | Occasionally wished I was born a boy. |
| Puberty | Began having sexual fantasies involving having a penis (AGP). |
| Late Teens | Sex dysphoria lessened; even enjoyed having larger breasts for a time. |
| Early 20s | Intense sex dysphoria returned with "phantom limb" sensations. Struggled with body dysmorphia and an eating disorder. |
| 22 | Decided to stop pursuing medical transition to focus on underlying mental health issues in non-affirming therapy. |
Top Comments by /u/whoringupthemidwest:
"Don't understand why he wants me when he could find an actual girl who fits him better" Honestly this is gonna be blunt but the most likely reason a 32 year old man would go after a 21 year old desisted transmasc with BPD is because it turns him on to try to change you and mold you into a person he wants you to be. He probably likes how insecure you are because it gives him more control over you. He doesn't want a pretty girl with self-confidence, he wants someone to mess with because it makes him feel in control and dominant.
Honestly if I were you I'd just tell people whatever you're planning to do. If you're going to go to a therapist about your mental health issues and take a break from testosterone, then I'd just say that. Say "hey, I want to take some time to work through some other mental health issues, so I'll be stopping testosterone until I'm sure how to proceed." or "I'm going to try living as a girl again for a while to see if it can work for me." or whatever else your plans are.
Just be chill and pretty much everyone else will be chill. You taking time to reassess your situation before proceeding with medical procedures that may not be right for you shows that you're a responsible person, and people should be generally understanding of that. Don't hate yourself for acting rashly, appreciate that you've grown and are now taking the time to better understand yourself and what you need.
Even sex dysphoria can fluctuate from what I've seen. Right now my sex dysphoria is the worst it's ever been. As a child I didn't think much about sex characteristics at all, I just wished I was born a boy sometimes. During puberty I only thought about sex characteristics because my sexual fantasies all involved having a penis and I wanted one to masturbate with. Then, as a I got into being an older teen I pushed those thoughts into the background and didn't think about sex dysphoria much at all, except that like when I was a child I'd occasionally think about being the opposite sex. I even enjoyed having larger breasts for a while. The past few weeks my sex dysphoria is suddenly worse than ever, where I have the traditional trans experience of feeling like a stranger in my body and the "phantom limb" symptom that you refer to.
I've heard other people report that their sex dysphoria also fluctuates or even goes away with age. Most of these cases though are with people below the age of 25, and people whose sex dysphoria genuinely goes from extreme to nonexistent are quite rare.
I'm pretty sure Semayana was raised as a woman and only found out that she was intersex after she had to be tested after winning. She may've been more masculine but her whole community has always considered her a girl, to insinuate that she's a scheming interloper because of her intersex status is honestly cruel.
Hey, I'm really sorry that you're going through this. From your post it sounds like you may have body dysmorphia in addition to gender dysphoria, since you mention that you've struggled with bulimia and feel like you're fat even though you're only 120 lbs. Since your thoughts on your appearance are at least somewhat distorted, I'd recommend going to a therapist to work out why you're having those thought processes.
I can understand the stress of not wanting to deal with the attention of not looking like one binary gender. Really it's okay to have a combination of features, my ex was a cis man with no jawline and severe gynecomastia and it didn't stop him from getting girlfriends. I'm sorry that your friends laugh at you when you mention passing as a woman, even if they disagree that's a rude thing to do. With different clothing styles and makeup many trans women pass, if you want to try any of that. If you want to pass as male and have less of an "ftm voice" then you can practice having a more masculine intonation (if that won't make you dysphoric). These are all just tips or passing as binary though, there's nothing wrong with being androgynous.
TLDR: Sounds like you have body dysmorphia
First of all I'd just say that you shouldn't feel ashamed of how you're feeling. Even if you were to get off thinking about having a penis, people have waaay weirder kinks and yours isn't harmful in any way.
I've had the same problem to a lesser extent, usually I just try to focus on the feeling and not about it being a clit if that makes sense. I don't know if that would work for someone with severe dysphoria though.