This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags indicating it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally consistent, and spans several years. They describe a complex, personal journey with specific medical (6 years on T, intersex trait), psychological (OCD, autism, dissociation), and trauma-related (CSA, SA) details. Their advice to others is nuanced, empathetic, and aligns with common detransitioner experiences, including the struggle to find acceptance and the pushback from medical communities. The passion and frustration expressed are consistent with a genuine individual who has lived this experience.
About me
I started transitioning at 19 because I felt completely disconnected from my female body, a feeling made much worse by trauma and being autistic. I lived as a man for six years, believing it would protect me from my pain, but I eventually realized it was a form of escapism. I stopped testosterone and began the difficult work of reconnecting with the body I had tried to leave behind. I’ve found healing through feminist understanding and learning to accept my body, which is now permanently changed. Today, I am a masculine woman who has found peace by making peace with myself, not by changing my body.
My detransition story
My whole journey with transition and detransition is deeply tied to trauma and a feeling of not being at home in my own body. I was born female, but from a young age, I never felt like I fit in with what was expected of a girl. This discomfort got a lot worse during puberty. I hated developing breasts and the changes my body was going through; it felt alien and wrong.
I am autistic, and I also have OCD. Looking back, I see how my obsessive thought patterns latched onto gender as a thing to fixate on and "solve." I also experienced severe sexual abuse, both as a child and as an adult. This led to a deep and severe dissociation from my body. I felt completely disconnected from it, like it wasn't really mine. I now believe that my transition was a form of escapism from all of this pain. It was a way to try and become someone else, to leave the body that held so many traumatic memories behind.
I started my transition when I was 19. I began taking testosterone and lived as a trans man for six years. I never got any surgeries, but I did want top surgery at the time because I hated my breasts so much. I now see that this was a form of body dysmorphia, a deep self-hatred rooted in trauma and the sexual trauma of simply growing up female under patriarchy. I thought becoming a man would protect me from that.
After six years on T, I realized I had made a mistake. I began to understand that my transition wasn't about finding my true self; it was a reaction to my pain. I started to detransition. I stopped taking testosterone and began the long process of trying to reconnect with the body I had spent so long trying to escape.
This has been the hardest but most important part of my journey. I've had to learn to cope with the dysphoria that still sometimes comes up. I try to remind myself that my body did nothing wrong. I've used spiritual practices to reduce the mind-body dualism that was taught to me by the trans community, which only made my dissociation worse. A huge part of my healing has been through sexual exploration of my own body, learning to gain pleasure from the parts I have. This has helped reduce my dysphoria and dissociation more than anything else.
I’ve also benefited from reading feminist literature. Understanding how patriarchy and misogyny affected me helped me see why I might have been so uncomfortable growing into a woman. It wasn't that I was meant to be a man; it was that I was taught to hate being a woman.
I don't regret my transition because it led me to where I am now, but I do see it as a mistake. I believe that for me, replacing one set of body modifications with another wouldn't have led to happiness. The answer was never to change my body, but to make peace with it. My body is permanently changed from testosterone. I will likely grow facial hair for the rest of my life, my voice is permanently deep, and I have bottom growth. But I am learning to accept these changes as part of my story. I am a very masculine detransitioned woman. I still wear men's clothes, I buzz my hair, and I don't wear makeup. I've learned that being a woman doesn't mean you have to be feminine; you can just be yourself.
I am a lesbian, and I've found love with a woman who is enamored with my deep voice and sees my body for what it is: mine. That has been incredibly healing. My thoughts on gender now are that gender roles are harmful. They are what led many of us here to transition in the first place. You don't need to change your gender to be yourself.
The medical system was not supportive of my detransition. When I told my doctor, they refused to provide follow-up care because they "only serve trans clients." They even refused to officially notate "detransition" as the reason for closing my file, which shows why official detransition rates seem so low.
My journey has been about moving from a place of dissociation and self-hatred to one of reconnection and acceptance. It's a slow and difficult process, but there is hope.
Age | Event |
---|---|
19 | Started taking testosterone (T) and began living as a trans man. |
25 | Stopped taking T and began detransitioning. |
Top Comments by /u/wildflowerden:
I would strongly suggest you don't based on what you said. Your risk of regret sounds really high to me.
If you hate your breasts, I would recommend working on accepting your body rather than removing them. We don't suggest people with anorexia get weight loss surgery.
Plastic surgery isn't the solution to self hatred. Acceptance is.
I've been told:
That I need to censor the word "detransition" because it's too triggering to mention openly [on discord]
That I'm not entitled to tell my story because it could "harm trans people" so it's my duty to stay quiet if I want to not be transphobic.
That I'm probably not genuine and I'm a troll pretending to be detransitioning to hurt trans people.
It really doesn't seem fair to treat us like our existence brings harm.
Congratulations!
To stop T it's best to talk to your doctor about how to do it the safest way for you. Personally, I gradually lowered my dose over 4 weeks, until my last dose was a bit less than half of what my regular dose used to be.
You don't need new clothes. To be a girl again, just be yourself. You can keep wearing your men's clothes.
If you do want new clothes, but you're embarrassed about walking into a women's clothing store, you could wait until your face and body have re-feminized after stopping T to get new clothing.
It seems to be a subreddit aimed more at trans people undergoing "partial detransition" such as stopping HRT but keeping a trans identity, or trans people changing from a binary trans identity to a nonbinary one, rather than full detransitioners. I think that'd be a fine idea for a subreddit, but I'd prefer spaces with detransition in the name being focused on people who stop having trans identity altogether.
You don't have to do anything to "act" like a woman. You're a woman, any way you act is acting like a woman. If bras make you uncomfortable, don't wear one, or wear a different kind of bra (I wear loose sports bra type bras, when I wear one).
Live the way you feel is authentic. If that's wearing dresses and having "girl nights" then do that. If it's not, don't try to force yourself to do it. Just be yourself. That's living as a woman, because you're one.
I did.
I told my transition doctor I was detransitioning. I told them I wanted to be followed up for one year in order to monitor my hormone levels and make sure I was adjusting well to the detransition. They refused, saying that they only serve trans clients, not detrans. They told me they would leave my file open for 2 years in case I want to retransition. I said no, told them to close my file, and to write down the reason as "detransition" so that it could be officially recorded in statistics.
They refused.
Even going through official channels, they often try very hard to have it not be recorded. This is why detrans rates are so low, officially.
If you're questioning, I highly recommend stopping. It will lead to regret if you continue despite questioning especially this early.
There are ways to handle dysphoria that don't involve transition, such as somatic therapy and reacquainting yourself with and reconnecting to your body.
The options are not "transitioning or repressing". There's a third path, of accepting the feelings and reintegrating them rather than dissociating from them.
If you do choose to detransition, remember that this doesn't mean you have to be feminine at all. When I detransitioned I didn't change my wardrobe. And when I transitioned I didn't either. I was dressing and behaving masculine my whole life. I never shaved or wore makeup. You don't have to do these things if you live as a girl.
I wish you peace. Feel free to reach out to me if you need.
Honestly I think the makeup is making you look more masculine than you would look with out. It is frankly not very good looking on you, at the very least not the style you chose, and accentuates the masculine features you have. I would suggest reducing the amount of makeup you wear or removing it altogether.
Gender roles is harmful. It's what led many people here to transition in the first place. I'm guessing it's what led you to it.
It's ok to be a 'masculine' woman and it's ok to be a 'feminine' man. You don't need to change your gender, and you don't need to change your personality. You're fine as you are.
I was on T for 6 years. I will grow facial hair likely for the rest of my life, I have bottom growth (although I was already big down there because I'm intersex), and my voice is deep.
There's a lovely woman I'm involved with who is absolutely enamoured with my voice and quite likes my clitoris as well. She's 100% a lesbian.
Plenty of lesbians and bi women find detrans women attractive!