This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or inauthentic. The user shares detailed, personal, and emotionally complex experiences with mental health, the UK healthcare system, and autism that are consistent with a genuine detransitioner/desister's perspective. The narrative is nuanced and shows internal conflict, which is not typical of a scripted bot.
About me
I started exploring my gender online as a depressed teenager, desperately looking for an answer to why I felt so out of place. My autistic way of thinking made me believe that since I liked boy things, I must be a boy, and I transitioned to male. The gender clinic I went to only focused on that identity and ignored all my other mental health struggles. Now, I'm getting proper help for my depression, anxiety, and possible body dysmorphic disorder. I'm learning that my need to belong got tangled up with my gender, and I'm finally figuring out who I really am without any labels.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started when I was a teenager. I was really struggling with depression and severe anxiety, and I felt like I never fit in anywhere. I found a lot of communities online, especially on Tumblr, where people talked about being trans. Their stories really resonated with me. They talked about feeling like an outcast as a kid, not fitting in with other girls, and then finding happiness and a community after they transitioned. I latched onto that because it felt like an answer to why I felt so lonely and confused. I thought that if I transitioned, I'd magically become happier and make lots of friends. It felt like an exciting escape from my problems.
I now know that a big part of this was because I'm autistic. I didn't know I was autistic at the time. I have a very black-and-white way of thinking, and I struggle with "in-between" ideas. So, the idea that I could just be a girl who likes masculine clothes and hobbies was too confusing for me. My brain wanted a clear label: if I like boy things, I must be a boy. The feeling of not fitting in is also very common for autistic people, and I think I mistook that social discomfort for a sign that I was in the wrong body.
I socially transitioned to female-to-male (FtM) for several years. I changed my name and pronouns and only wore men's clothes. Eventually, I was referred to a youth Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) through the NHS. My experience there was strange and, looking back, not very helpful. The counsellor I saw was only focused on gender. He would aggressively validate my trans identity and refused to talk about any of my other mental health issues, even when I brought them up. My notes mentioned a rough family history, depression, anxiety, and a history of disordered eating, but he wouldn't let me discuss any of it. It was like those things didn't matter. It was during this time that I was officially diagnosed with autism, but even that wasn't explored in relation to my gender feelings.
I started to question things when I realised my feelings about my body might be more related to Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) than gender dysphoria. I hated my breasts, for example, but I also had a lot of general anxiety about my appearance. When I mentioned to the GIC counsellor that I might not be FtM, he insisted my only other options were non-binary identities. His main reasoning was that I liked masculine clothing, which was circular logic because I only had a men's wardrobe because I identified as male.
I was eventually discharged from the GIC because I was too old for the youth service, and the adult waiting list is years long. This turned out to be a good thing. I started seeing a regular counsellor and a care coordinator through general mental health services. They were shocked that no one had ever looked into BDD or PMDD with me before. They are now helping me get the right assessments and therapy, like CBT, for my actual conditions. I'm not asking to be referred back to a GIC. Working on my underlying depression, anxiety, and possible BDD feels like the right path for me.
I don't regret exploring my gender because it led me to finally understanding my autism and other mental health needs. But I do regret that I wasn't given better support sooner. I wish the gender counsellor had been willing to talk about the whole picture instead of just focusing on transition. I'm now trying to figure out who I am without the pressure of a label. I don't want to go back to my birth name, but I don't feel connected to my chosen name either, so I'm thinking of picking a new, more neutral one. I'm starting to use she/her pronouns online again to see how it feels. It's confusing right now, but I know this feeling will pass. My thoughts on gender now are that it's a lot more complicated than I first thought, and for me, it was tangled up with a need to belong and other untreated mental health issues.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| Early Teens | Started experiencing depression, anxiety, and a strong feeling of not fitting in. Discovered trans communities online. |
| 15-16 | Socially transitioned to female-to-male (FtM), changed name and pronouns. |
| 16-17 | Referred to NHS youth Gender Identity Clinic (GIC). Saw a gender counsellor who refused to discuss other mental health issues. |
| 17 | Diagnosed with autism. Discharged from youth GIC due to age. |
| 17 (Present) | Under care of a regular counsellor and care coordinator. Being assessed for Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and PMDD. Questioning my gender identity and exploring a detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/willow5102:
That's what mine did! When I questioned if I might not be ftm he insisted my only other possibilities were nonbinary or genderqueer or agender. And most of his reasoning was because I like androgynous/masculine clothing a lot and presented myself in a masculine way (even though that was just bc I was identifying as ftm and had been for years, so I only had men's clothes in my wardrobe). Plus 99% of the appointments were just like aggressive validation.
And yeah that's true for many autistic people, I think very black and white 90% of the time, and I find it hard to accept "in-between" ideas. I think in a very rigid way. So for me to think "I can fluctuate between feminine and masculine styles whenever I want and still be the same gender" is just something I really struggle with because I was taught opposite (that girls have to wear feminine styles, and only boys wear masculine styles).
Being autistic I also feel a really strong feeling that I don't fit in a lot of the time, so a lot of trans experiences I heard on Tumblr (like "I didn't fit in when I was a young girl, I wanted to wear boys clothes and do boys stuff, I was weird, but then I transitioned and now I'm happy with friends and I fit in with my community") appealed to me because it felt like a story of going from being confused and lonely, to finding people who support you and having friends and being really happy after you went through this change (and they made it sound easy and exciting). Especially because I had no idea I was autistic when I came out, I thought it was the third I'd been missing (and I had the idea in my head that just once I transitioned I would be much happier and I'd magically have lots of friends).
Sorry for rambling about that lol idk where else to say it, I have many autistic trans friends on the internet, and I think if I said all that to them they'd be mad at me and assume I'm being transphobic and/or ableist
As far as I know (and have been told), unless you go private in the UK you don't pick what route you get put on, and currently for youth under the NHS GICs you have to see a gender counsellor and sometimes a family therapist (and counselling is all the youth GIC can offer unless you can go on blockers (which I was too late for))
I think they should have more therapists but I think they're underfunded so I only know like 2 people who saw a therapist alongside their counsellor :( and that's out of like 15 people
Thank you! I don't even get to see any counsellor any more because I got discharged (and the NHS waiting list is years long right now), but I see a normal counsellor and care coordinator, and I'm gonna see a psychiatrist again soon and ask them about treatment for BDD (like therapy or groups, I just got referred to CBT but idk if there's anything else I can do) and if that helps I just won't ask to be referred to a GIC again :)
Thank you! I found it weird cause my friends counsellor did a really thorough check of his history and mental health even though he had nothing wrong, and mine straight up refused to talk about my other mental health stuff even when I brought it up. Even when it said in my notes I have rough family history, depression + severe anxiety, history of disordered eating, he wouldn't even let ME talk about it. And halfway through seeing him I got diagnosed with autism. Now my care coordinator and regular counsellor wants me to be assessed for BDD and look into PMDD too, because she's shocked nobody brought it up in the past (and especially at the GIC).
And thank you so so much for the last paragraph! That helps a lot. It feels like the end of the world rn because I feel confused, and like idk if I did something wrong, or the people seeing me did, or what. It's hard to imagine the future when I don't understand what's going on right now. But logically I know it'll pass and get better :) and one day it won't even matter
Thank you!
i don't think I want to go back to my birth name but I don't think I want my chosen one either (it's not even androgynous at all) so I want to pick a new name again haha
I started using she/her and stuff online, like on games and stuff, but I think I'll wait like at least a month before starting to tell anyone irl
Thank you again!