if you're not her, there's jalisa vine on youtube. I also am in an internet forum with a woman who had bottom surgery. for several reasons I cannot give you her contact info, but know that you are not alone. I am grateful for you as well, and we will survive, we are strong!

I agree. I think it's time to ditch the "questioning own transgender status" flair. way too often I also see it used by men who are considering starting their transition, and come here for validation of how true trans they are. it's not our job to "save" them. they can read all our discussions, if they don't want to learn from that, that's on them.

I get offering the "questioning" flair as a stepping stone, but I'm not sure how necessary it is anymore. awareness of detransition has gone up so much, that I think people are less "triggered" by the word. if we have to have something for the questioners, maybe "considering detransition" might be a better flair? more difficult to abuse and hide behind, because it implies actively engaging with detransition

transmasculine lesbians are lesbians who're sucked up in the trans whirlwind, but still cling onto the lesbian label because they know that's what they really are. I know because at one point I was one of them :DD

hopefully the double label will help them fall back at some point.

basically just a butch who hates everything but mostly myself

haha relatable. it's so weird this transitioning stuff, realising that others have a completely different view of and experience with transitioning, isn't it? for a long time I used to think that I had something in common with trans people because they were trans. some time before and especially during my detransition I realised how different the experiences might be between different trans people. for instance, I have completely stopped thinking i have anything in common with trans women. I mean, I can sympathise and feel solidarity with both them and gay men, but their lives, and especially their inner worlds just aren't close to mine. I used to get annoyed by non transitioning non binary people for instance, talking about their dysphoria but not displaying the masculinity that was and still is so important to me. luckily I stopped giving a fuck, and also realised that they have nothing to do with me, like that's a very different experience to mine, and that's totally fine. my community is elsewhere

chiming in - it's so different being perceived as masculine as a man and as a woman. transitioning to "male" just made everything easier, everything except the lesbian part. I had the same experience as OP that more women were interested in me. however, I found out eventually that it's crucial for me to be in a lesbian relationship, and I need to acknowledge it, and i need my partner to acknowledge it.

and I do have a long term partner. we met when I was still trans, but now she adores me for who I am, with all of my masculine traits, both natural and the ones I acquired from transition. and I adore her back. not to rub it in your face, but to give you some reassurance.

I get quite angry thinking about it: in my opinion "queer" and "trans" has atomised the lesbian community, and are keeping us away from each other. I don't think there is a shortage of women who would be ready to love masculine women including de/transtioned masculine women, but they are being distracted and disciplined by queer. but I can sense it, lesbian is on the rise again! do not despair my friends, the future is ours!

You can test if you want to transition by trying new pronouns, names, clothes styles, and perceiving yourself as a boy. If all that you feel is gender euphoria, then there is no reason to think that transitioning isn’t the right thing to do.

no, please stop saying this. making changes like this in your life can really boost someone's self confidence, and encourage them to pursue medical transition, that's totally what happened to me. especially to gender non conforming people, taking on a new name and pronouns feels like taking control in a repressive situation, but it also most likely produces even more anxiety surrounding the body and makes people feel like they need to change their body to be taken seriously, this is not liberation. it's not women's liberation, and it's not gay liberation. what we need to do is fight for our right to be different, and fight for bodily integrity, which transness is breaking down through its medicalisation.
"try it on to see if it fits" is what got us here in the first place

I agree with you that health care isn't the only responsible actor, but neither is the individual patient. noone woke up and thought "yes, let me tell everyone to call me a man, inject testosterone into my body and have someone cut open my skin to remove breast tissue, then I will live as a man" without having heard of the concept of transition first. this is a societal issue, and health care system is supposed to be trust worthy, to help us to the best of it's capacity. transition is supposed to be "health care", but in fact is the opposite, so hell yeah we can hold them accountable

hey, have you read rule 4 of this sub? I feel like you are bordering on encouraging continuing medical transition with your comment. I know you don't mean anything bad, and that you probably see it as a neutral and cautious advice, but as the rule explains, there are plenty of spaces and subs that encourage transition, and almost none that are sceptical.

to OP, I have been in the same boat as you. I am a lesbian who transitioned to a man, and I felt very good with all of my changes. I like my body as it was on/is after T, but I still decided to detransition. why? because there's so much more to life, and so much more to lesbianism, to womanhood than having an "optimal" body. I find it worth the hassle of dealing with misogyny, dysphoria and homophobia when it means that I can truly accept myself and find peace with myself. your social role matters. how strangers see you matters. I hate it when strangers and aquaintances see me as a man now, because I am NOT. I am a masculine woman, and I have lived a life that makes me nothing like a man, and I am proud of myself for that. society and culture shaped how we see ourselves, and when they make us uncomfortalbe in our skin, we need to fight that, not adjust ourselves so that the friction goes away.

I am sorry, but I take offense at this post. Detrans people don't "repress", we change our outlook on things. I don't "repress" my masculinity, if anything, I let it blossom now that I accept myself as a gender non conforming woman.

You can only be happy if you are 100 % woman? How do you know that? What are you missing? Embrace yourself and question your thoughts on body, men, women and sex. You are a human in a sexist society. Take responsibilty for that, don't run away. Men can break out of stereotypes as well, it's important that you do, but what you need is not to become a woman, but become an ally to women, and I promise you, your relationships will become truly fulfilling

Hi, I really recommend this documentary/videoessay by the indian ( I believe?) woman Vaishnavi Sundararajan - I think you might relate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8taOdnXD6o

and please know, even though your situation sounds almost suffocating, I think the feelings and thoughts you struggle with are similar to the ones girls have in more secular countries too.

I can also recommend the Egyptian author Nawal el Saadawi, The Hidden Face of Eve. You're still quite young, but if you feel that you could be mature enough to change your life with transitioning, then you are also mature enough to read this book, which is about sex oppression in Egypt. Maybe on a lighter note is the book Tomboy by french-algerian Nina Bouraoui