This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user expresses complex, personal, and emotionally charged doubts about their transition, discusses specific medical procedures (FFS), and describes a nuanced internal conflict. The language is natural, inconsistent in a human way, and reflects the passionate but conflicted mindset common in the detrans community.
About me
My journey started when I discovered online trans communities and I became completely obsessed, rushing into identifying as a woman. I now live full-time as a woman and everyone sees me as female, which makes the idea of telling people I'm actually a man feel pointless and confusing. I went through with facial surgery despite my doubts, but I've always been too scared to get more major procedures. A lot of my initial push to transition came from anxiety and self-hatred, not a clear sense of self. I'm still figuring it all out, but fighting to be seen as a man when the world sees a woman isn't a battle I think I can win.
My detransition story
My whole journey with gender has been confusing, and I’m still trying to figure it out. It all started when I found out that trans women weren’t the caricatures I thought they were. I instantly started researching information on male-to-female transitions. I did tons of reading over a few months and became completely obsessed. I spent a lot of time on places like egg_irl. It was like a switch flipped, and I just dove in headfirst.
I went to a psychiatrist a few times and got a diagnosis, but I lied about how long I’d been questioning. I said it had been six months, but it was really much shorter than that. I think a lot of my initial push to transition came from a place of low self-esteem and anxiety. I’ve always had a problem with self-hatred. My therapist, a normal one not a gender therapist, told me that my fears are rooted in thinking I’m less worthy of a person just because I’m trans.
Now, I live my life being perceived by everyone as a woman. I look like one, sound like one, and act like one, so people just assume I am one. I don’t correct them. The idea of telling people I’m actually a man feels pointless because they see a female-resembling person in front of them. It would just confuse them. I’ve thought about this a lot. People are a sum of their actions and perceptions; no one knows or cares what you are on the inside unless it affects the material world.
I’ve had doubts periodically since I started presenting as female. A lot of my anxiety comes from being online and seeing how people talk about trans women, making me terrified of ever coming off as male-acting. Even though I know women can act in all sorts of ways, it feels different for me because I feel like I have to earn my way into being accepted, whereas women born female just are.
I was planning to get FFS (facial feminization surgery), just forehead reconstruction and a hair transplant. Even with my doubts, I decided to go through with it because I figured I could live with a smooth forehead and a rounder hairline even if I detransitioned later. I was never going to get bottom surgery (SRS); that’s way too major given the doubts I have.
I’ve thought about just being a masculine woman after FFS. The idea of living with the changes from HRT but living as my birth sex in some parts of my life sounds reasonable. But the reality is, feminine men aren’t taken seriously and are ridiculed. I’m not interested in pushing gender norms; I just want to live my life in peace. I don’t want to have to fight for people to see me as a man when I look completely female. I’m also fragile physically, and if a disagreement turned into a real fight, it wouldn’t end well for me.
If I were to detransition, I think it would be easier to start from scratch with new friends and a new job rather than dealing with the baggage attached to my current persona. My relationship would definitely be at risk, too. My girlfriend knows I was born male and is okay with it, but I can't guarantee she'd still be attracted to me if I detransitioned.
I’m still working through my thoughts on gender. In an ideal world, I would definitely be a woman. But this isn’t an ideal world. I’m not sure if I regret transitioning yet. It’s just the path I’m on. I have to pick my fights, and fighting to be seen as a man when everyone sees a woman isn’t a fight I think I want.
Age | Event |
---|---|
(Age not specified) | Started obsessively researching MtF transition online. |
(Age not specified) | Visited a psychiatrist, lied about duration of questioning, received a diagnosis. |
(Age not specified) | Began presenting as female full-time. |
(Age not specified) | Decided to undergo FFS (forehead & hairline) despite having doubts. |
(Age not specified) | Currently living as a woman, perceived as female by everyone, but questioning identity and considering detransition. |
Top Comments by /u/womanmoder:
uhhh, maybe it works like that in some perfect fantasy world but irl feminine men aren’t taken seriously and are ridiculed, it’s literally the same thing i’m talking about in the 5th paragraph. i’m not interested in pushing gender norms, i just want to live my life in peace
that’s actually a good question, i still don’t know. i remember i found out that trans women aren’t the caricatures i thought them to be and instantly started researching info on MtF transitions. i did tons of reading over the course of a few months, went to psychiatrist a few times and earned a diagnosis, although i lied about for how long i’d been questioning (i said 6 months back then). i’d also been spending a lot of time on egg_irl. it’s kinda like i just got obsessed lol
how many men consistently get mistaken for a woman in every interaction, or how many women get mistaken for a man by everyone no matter how much time they spend together? first glance mistakes definitely happen for some people (especially GNC) but then people quickly realize their mistake because it becomes obvious from one thing or another who the person actually is
doesn’t change what you are
sure, but it changes how am i perceived. i can repeatedly tell them “i’m actually a man” but like that’s not gonna change much if they see a female-resembling person in front of them, so it feels like a pointless word definition purity exercise
so a good first step would be cutting that out
ugh i’m basically addicted at this point but you’re probably right
…
i thought about just being a masculine woman, i was hoping to be able to pull that off post ffs. i’ll give it more thoughts
I think those feelings are blowing to you now because of your FFS coming up
probably but i’ve been having three doubts periodically since i started presenting female
I would really advise you to reconsider the FFS until you’re secure in yourself
thanks but i think i’m still gonna get it, it’s just forehead reconstruction and hair transplant, even if i decide to detrans in the end i can live with a smooth forehead and a rounder hairline
thank you for the thoughtful reply!
If your girlfriend knows you’re biologically male and is okay with it, then you can’t guarantee she will lose attraction to you if you detransition. She may, but there’s always that risk in relationships.
would you say the same in a hypothetical situation where a husband in a marriage comes out as trans, like would it be reasonable to expect the wife to be still be attracted to him if he transitions?
And if you can overcome your shame, which you can do with therapy
when i did therapy (with a normal therapist, not a gender one) and talked about this my therapist said that my fears are rooted in my self hatred and that i think i’m less worthy of a person just because i’m trans so i probably wouldn’t be happy with detransitioning, i don’t think therapy could help me with detransitioning, i’d have to do it on my own
well i’m perceived by people i interact with as what is universally considered a woman, because i look like one (even when i’m not trying), sound like one and kinda act like one, so i guess it’s kinda like that duck phrase. if i were to tell people i’m a man they would just probably be confused/concerned, but i’m not a gender theorist so i’m not trying to make an universal definition
just a correction but i’m getting FFS (face feminization), not SRS. i definitely wouldn’t be getting something as major as SRS given the doubts I have
yes i think a lot of my doubts come from anxiety. i think the constant exposure to how people talk online about all trans women being manly (“it’s ma’am”) got me deadly afraid of coming off as male-acting to my peers even though i never acted particularly manly pre transition. like i know that women act differently, but it feels different to me since they were born female and i have to earn my way into being accepted
So if you look female to people, it won’t matter how you act. Women can behave in all ways, just as men do.
but thank you, i’ll think about this
i’m glad you’re starting to find comfort in yourself!
I’m pretty androgynous by default, so that’s a massive advantage in my case i think since it allows me to basically do whatever i want
the benefits of not aging on testosterone haha
Basically, if you like the changes you’ve gotten through HRT but still rather live as your birth sex in some or all areas of your life, then why not just do that?
that sounds pretty reasonable, i’ll think about it, thank you!
so it was worth it to me
i’m glad to hear that!
In your ideal world
i’m definitely a woman, if only this world was the ideal one :/
And, would you really have to lose your job and friends etc?
well i don’t have to necessarily (except for the relationship), but i think it would just be easier for me to start from scratch and not have the baggage attached to my persona
i’m not saying i’m not a man though. also i don’t even tell people i’m a woman, they just assume that and i don’t correct them
And that’s why I asked how often it has to happen
i’m not a judge of that, people can decide for themselves. i’m sure there are people who get some entertainment from making themselves look like a woman and then telling people they’re actually a man, power to them
I don’t think I’ve ever been taken for a man, but a teenage boy?
i know that gnc women and trans men get often mistaken for teenage boys
People get mistaken for things they aren’t all the time.
they do, but not many of these things are as essential to the way the person interacts with the society as gender
I don’t know why you’re putting so much weight on other people’s perceptions of you
because people are a sum of their actions and perceptions, no one knows or cares what are you on the inside unless it has any bearing on the material world