This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic and not a bot. The user demonstrates a nuanced, personal, and consistent understanding of transition, detransition, and the complexities of gender identity over a long period.
There are no serious red flags suggesting inauthenticity. The user's perspective is complex, evolving from a more binary view to a nuanced one where they identify as male but continue HRT, which is a legitimate and documented experience. Their passion and occasional frustration are consistent with someone who has personally navigated these issues. The advice given is detailed, personalized, and shows deep engagement with the topic, which is not typical of bot behavior.
About me
I was born male but felt from a very young age that being a girl was more natural for me. I started estrogen at 16, and while I'm happy with the permanent physical changes like my softer skin and hips, I wasn't given the full picture of all the effects, like becoming significantly weaker. I now identify as a man and don't care about pronouns, but I continue taking estrogen because I simply prefer my body this way. I believe the biggest problem is a lack of honest information about both the good and permanent effects of medical transition. I've found my own path, and I'm finally content.
My detransition story
My journey with transition has been long and complicated, and my feelings about it are my own. I was born male, and from a very young age, I had this underlying sense that being a girl was somehow better or more natural for me. I remember being four or five years old and reading my mom’s midwife school books, just assuming that I would grow up to be a mom someday. All those sex-swap episodes in kids' shows made me think the boys were stupid for wanting to change back.
I started taking estrogen when I was young enough that it had significant effects on my body. My bones changed, I grew hips, and I developed large enough breasts that if I ever wanted them removed, I’d need a full mastectomy. The online resources I found were not completely honest; they only talked about the good parts, like less body hair and small breast growth. I had to find out on my own that I’d become significantly weaker, get softer skin, and other changes. I never hated myself as a person; I just hated my body the way it was.
For me, taking hormones was the right choice. I pictured myself as an old man and it felt disgusting, but picturing myself as an old woman felt comfortable, like my awesome aunts. I don’t regret my medical transition at all. I’m happy with the changes. I’m weaker now on estrogen, but I have more endurance and my chronic leg issues are way milder. I don’t regret the hair removal I did either; it’s just convenient.
However, my social transition is a different story. I identify as male now. I don’t care about pronouns. In my language, there are no gendered pronouns, and in English, I tell people to use they/them but that I don’t really mind what they call me. People usually read me as female, sometimes as male, and it’s always fine. I don’t feel the need to fit into a traditional mold. I can be a dude who prefers his body running on estrogen. It feels transhumanist, and it works for me.
I’ve benefited from living in a place with a more chill culture where people generally keep to themselves. I’ve caused confusion in men’s bathrooms, but I can use a male voice to clarify things. I’d rather be loud and honest about who I am than try to quietly use the women’s bathroom, which would feel dishonest since I don’t identify as a woman. Safety isn't a big issue where I live, but I know for many it is, and that has to come first.
I think a huge problem in the trans community is the lack of complete information. Doctors often don’t give the full rundown of what hormones will do, especially the permanent and negative effects. People need to study everything, especially the bad parts, before making a decision. It’s not a package deal; you can take hormones and not socially transition, or vice versa. You should never have surgery unless you are 100% certain.
I also have strong thoughts on internalized homophobia and autogynephilia (AGP). I’ve seen people who I believe transitioned for the wrong reasons, like internalized hatred of being a feminine gay man or a desire to escape being seen as a potential male predator. That’s a terrible reason to transition. Transition should be about physical dysphoria, not social discomfort or fetishization. AGP, which is arousal from the idea of oneself as a woman, is a real thing and can include meta-attraction, where someone is attracted to men because it makes them feel more female.
The infighting between trans people and detransitioners is pointless. We should be pushing for better, more frequent therapy and diagnostic criteria that aren’t based on stereotypes. The goal should be helping everyone figure out what’s right for them, whether that’s transition, detransition, or something in between. I’ve found my place, and I’m content.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 4-5 | Remembered assuming I would grow up to be a mother, felt a connection to being female from a young age. |
| 16 | Started taking estrogen. Was young enough that it caused skeletal changes, including hip growth. |
| 16 | Developed larger breasts than anticipated from HRT. |
| 17 | Underwent laser hair removal. Does not regret it for the convenience. |
| 18 | Realized I identify as male, not female, but continue taking estrogen because I prefer my body running on it. This is my current state. |
Top Comments by /u/wormyshroom:
It won't hurt to go off HRT and try. The masculinization it will cause will probably tell you what feels right. Pretty much all feminization will be reversible except skeletal changes (you were young enough to very likely get those) and breasts, and you might need testosterone replacement therapy if your testicles stopped working properly.
And no harm in postponing bottom surgery if you're not certain. Never have surgery unless you're certain.
This subreddit is a space where everyone should be able to describe their bodies how they see fit. Sure, nobody should generalize to other people, but they should be able to use their own words to describe themselves. I don't regret anything I've done regarding transition, but others who have should be able to talk about that in this space dedicated to it.
Oh god, yes. It's insane! It's not like cis men get that. Just a form of misogyny that shows people don't take "girls who wanna be boys XD uwu" seriously. Like, god. If you want to be supportive, treat them like a cis person!
Well, this excepting people who like being described like this, but having it be forced as a generic thing is awful. It's bad for trans men and detransitioners!
Honestly, it kinda smells to me like the polar opposite stereotype of "trans women are all creepy rapists".
I just don't see why we can't have it be a matter-of-fact thing. Just treat people like you would after anyone else with that gender identity, not like a special snowflake. I don't understand what kind of trans man would want to be infantilized like that or what trans woman would like talking about "girldick" or whatever. And the same goes for detransitioning. It's not that hard to just be respectful and act normal! Identities change, and that's fine.
Don't ask me, I'm male.
But honestly, you need to understand a woman's perspective. Think about it. To them, any man they don't know has a chance of being a predator. Even if they aren't, it's safer for a woman to take precautions in the chance they are a predator. A woman's safety is far more important than a man's feelings. They way to fix this is definitely not to complain about women, but to educate and call out fellow men. Women will stop needing to take these precautions when sexual assault becomes far less common than it is now.
And, well, being a visibly feminine man will likely make you far less threatening to women. Saying you'd rather be trans than a gay, feminine man is, in my humble opinion, a big red flag against transitioning until you sort that mindset out. It's never too late to change internalized homophobia.
In any case, it is unhealthy to think of all males as predators - instead put yourself in a woman's shoes as above. Wouldn't you rather be slightly rude than risk getting assaulted? It's not a personal insult.
Yes, it will be your fault, but that damage can be prevented in the first place. Saying you don't care about that makes me think you're not ready to transition. If you don't care about things like this, it's not a healthy mindset to transition in. You definitely will care later if you get irreversible changes.
We care about you and want you to do the things that are best for you in the long term, and figuring that out takes self-exploration.
I know, right? It's crazy how negative trans people are towards detransitioners - it's not too crazy for identities to evolve or that doctors simply make a mistake! It certainly happens in any type of treatment, after all. And it's quite a recent field, too.
I do get it, with the view that detransitioners are trying to increase gatekeeping to prevent trans people from getting treatment. And I get where that comes from in detransitioners. But honestly, both groups are kinda looking at it very nearsightedly, at least in many places.
"Gatekeeping" harms everyone, as it is oh-so-often based on stereotypes, which pigeonholes feminine cis men and masculine cis women into being pushed into transition - and the view has bled into public opinion, too. We confuse behavior, which is not really relevant to gender all that much, with gender itself.
In contrast, the same opinion can prevent feminine trans men and masculine trans women away from transition. In addition, a severe lack of resources unncessarily lengthens treatment times, with a person only visiting a gender clinic a handful of times, even diagnosis takes more than a year.
Really, pushing to refocus diagnostic criteria and increasing resources for shorter treatment times and more frequent visits would very likely both benefit trans people and catch more people that would later come to detransition. Trans people and detransitioners fighting benefits neither group.
Honestly, even complete informed consent would be preferable to some of the current diagnostic criteria - like, just a doctor giving you the complete rundown of any effects of treatment and thoroughly answering all questions would be better than "Played with trucks as a kid and hate dresses? Here's testosterone". Sign a waiver, and there. Still problematic, but still - I hear way too much that doctors didn't even give a full overview of possible hormone replacement therapy effects!
Another issue with this is certainly the push not to call being trans (or rather, having gender dysphoria) a mental illness. I mean, I get it - mental illness is a very stigmatized thing. I very strongly believe that being trans/gender dysphoria is a mental illness, to which transition is a suitable treatment in at least some cases. But it being an illness doesn't make it fake - few people would argue depression is fake, and even fewer that physical ailments are fake (sure, there are exceptions, especially for women's illnesses, but this is in general).
Trans people should realize that having an illness doesn't give anyone the right to minimize it and call it fake any more than anyone has the right to call people with depression or sleep apnea fake. Whether being trans is an illness or not should not affect trans people's position in society - rather, why wouldn't it being a genuine illness make being trans more legitimate? It's confusing to me.
Jesus, I should submit a quest column to a damn newspaper or something.
Think about all testosterone does, even the bad. It's not going to give you androgyny, only masculinity, and most things are irreversible. You will become hairier. You will grow a beard. You will very likely start balding. You will have a deeper voice. You will have your bones change to more masculine if you're young enough. Study everything about what you're thinking of doing, especially the bad. Trans circles often do not talk about it, and it's you who'll have to live with it.
Then again, if you can deal like this, why not wait and see how you'll feel? Maybe where you are now is the endpoint.
It's weird. Most trans people, especially trans women, seem to have an unhealthy obsession with being a "sexy" woman. I've seen some who don't care about that, but only seem to care about being able to quietly live their lives as women without extra attention. To me it seems like they are the genuinely trans ones instead of fetishists.
It's natural for it to hurt, but it's important to remember that it hurts women far more. Think about having to live in a world where every man you don't know is a potential threat. The best we can do is try to change society bit by bit. No matter how respectful you are, strangers have no way of knowing that, unfortunately.
This is rather internalized hatred of men affecting how you view yourself. Being trans is about dysphoria of one's physical attributes, not disliking being seen as a potential predator due to one's gender. A lot of men have that feeling, they simply need a bit of perspective. If you dislike that, being seen as trans has far more negative connotations to it than being seen as male. That's why I think you need to explore this more before doing anything permanent.
There is nothing wrong with being a feminine, gay man, I can assure you this. It is neither more or less right than being a heterosexual man or a trans woman.
I would suggest exploring your feelings on transition with a therapist, especially since you said you have issues surrounding misogyny and internalized homophobia. Definitely try to find one who won't immediately push you to hormones, as medical transition should never be undergone unless absolutely certain, as many aspects of it are irreversible.
Being attracted to men only does not rule out AGP, as there is still the concept of meta-attraction to think about. I admit I'm not the most familiar with Blanchardian theory, but I understand many AGP:s have meta-attraction towards men. I think that's an important thing to research.