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Reddit user /u/writhing_blood's Detransition Story

Transitioned: 20 -> Detransitioned: 32
male
internalised homophobia
took hormones
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
influenced online
started as non-binary
anxiety
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a fake account.

The user demonstrates:

  • Personal, nuanced experience: They share specific, cringe-inducing personal anecdotes that are not typical of bot-generated content.
  • Consistent, developed viewpoint: Their comments present a coherent, evolving philosophy on gender, transition, and desistance.
  • Empathetic engagement: They offer support and advice to others, acknowledging their own position (e.g., "I'm not a detrans female").
  • Passionate but measured tone: The criticism is pointed but reasoned, aligning with the expected passion of someone who feels harmed by an ideology.

This is consistent with a genuine desister reflecting on their past.

About me

I started identifying as a woman in my early twenties because I felt trapped by the expectations placed on men. I lived that way for years, but eventually I saw how the online communities I was in just reinforced my unhappiness instead of healing it. I realized that for me, being trans was a coping mechanism, not an identity I was born with. Now, ten months after stopping hormones, I'm learning to accept myself as a male who is simply gender nonconforming. I regret pushing that ideology onto others, and I'm finally finding peace by just letting myself be without a label.

My detransition story

My whole journey with this started because I never felt like I fit in as a man. I was uncomfortable with the expectations placed on me and I think I used being nonbinary, and then identifying as a woman, as a way to escape from that. For a long time, I truly believed I was a woman trapped in a male body. I was very active online and found a lot of support in those communities for this idea. I even remember once, on International Women's Day, I posted that people should stop supporting "ciswomen" and read queer theory instead. Looking back, I'm so embarrassed that I, a male, was telling people to stop listening to women on their own day. But at the time, that ideology made me feel righteous and I got a ton of support for it online.

I took hormones for a while. I didn't have any surgeries, but I lived as a woman for several years. Over time, I started to see the parallels between the online trans communities I was in and other communities that encourage unhealthy behaviors, like some pro-anorexia spaces. It felt like an echo chamber that just reinforced my dysphoria instead of helping me work through it. The communities seemed to propagate the logic of dysphoria itself, telling you to give in to its demands. It’s a hard thing to explain, but it made me step back and think.

I came to realize that for me, being trans was more of an idea I adopted to cope with my gender nonconformity and the discomfort I felt with male expectations. It was something I did, not something I was. That "fallacious identity" actually ended up making me feel more dysphoric and insecure, because it was a dissociation from my sex that I couldn't maintain forever.

I've been off testosterone for over ten months now, and I'm still finding my footing. My voice is deeper from the hormones, and that was hard to accept at first. But I've come to see that my voice is mine; it has a history and a story to tell, and it's okay that it's deeper now. I'm learning to own it.

I don't really believe in boxes anymore. I tell people that none of us really fit into a box, and the more you try, the more you see the differences. I worry that we put too much faith in labels. I’m trying to just let myself be myself for a while, without rushing to find the perfect word to describe it. Some people find comfort in the word "queer," and that's okay. You can be a queer man, describing your ambiguous gender expression.

I do have regrets about my transition. I regret how deeply I bought into the ideology and how I propagated it to others. I regret not understanding that my issues were more about social discomfort and not liking the box I was put in, rather than being born in the wrong body. I think what I needed was to slowly find my femininity as a man, not jump into a whole new identity like it was a costume to put on. That was an impulsive escape for me.

I don't think transition should be the main tool offered for gender nonconformity and dysphoria. For me, it wasn't the right path. Desisting and stepping away from that identity is what finally allowed me to start feeling better.

Age Event
20 Started identifying as nonbinary.
22 Began identifying as a woman and started taking testosterone.
32 Stopped taking testosterone and began my detransition.
33 Present day, 10 months off testosterone, still figuring things out.

Top Comments by /u/writhing_blood:

8 comments • Posting since March 5, 2023
Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) explains how trans communities can propagate gender dysphoria, comparing it to anorexic or MPD forums that encourage disordered thinking.
89 pointsMar 7, 2023
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More and more, I feel these communities propagate the logic of dysphoria itself, as the echo-chamber tells you to give in to dysphoric demands. It hard to explain, but some will mention how anorexic communities often encourage members' disordered eating and unhealthy self image.

Imagine a community for multiple personality disorder that tells you the other personalities are real, and that society has an oppressive concept of how many spirits house one body? Sounds horrifying, right? Sounds... familiar though?

Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) explains that the referenced letter describes a story of abuse and control, not detransition, criticizing the 'detrans = death' narrative as a harmful oversimplification.
58 pointsMar 13, 2023
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Also, I just read their letter. They had an awful living situation that had them entirely dependent on domestic abusers who enforced masculine expectations and threatened them with deportation and violence. It's a story of abuse and control, not detransition. Again, 'detrans = death' is a detransphobic oversimplification.

Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) comments on his past cringe-worthy post where, as a male, he told people to stop supporting cis women and read queer theory instead on International Women's Day.
36 pointsMar 9, 2023
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I'm embarrassed even admitting this, but, a decade before desisting, I posted on International Women's Day that people need to stop supporting ciswomen and read queer theory instead. Yes, a male telling people to stop listening to women on a day dedicated to them. Absolutely cringe thinking back to it. When I propagated gender ideology, I received tons of support on social media.

Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) explains that identifying as trans/nonbinary was a dissociative coping mechanism for his dysphoria, arguing that being trans is an action, not an identity.
15 pointsMar 12, 2023
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Having been nonbinary, I can say I have dysphoria and an aversion to identifying with my sex. Being 'trans' can be a way of coping with your gender nonconformity and sexed expectations, and is more of an idea than an essential quality (ie: there aren't 'real' trans people). Transition is something you do, not something you are. It isn't the gender nonconformity itself; it's the social transition from a sexed identity (and potentially sexed body).

I no longer believe this should be the main tool for gender nonconformity and dysphoria. A fallacious identity that dissociated me from my sex made me more dysphoric and insecure. I'm glad I desisted.

Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) comments on the use of the word "costume," warning against impulsively adopting a new gender identity as an escape instead of slowly integrating gender nonconformity.
13 pointsMar 20, 2023
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re: "costume"

I'm interested in that word in this context. I sometimes worry some don't give themselves enough of a grace period to integrate gender nonconformity into their daily lives before jumping into an identity and design of a new person they imagine, as an impulsive escape. Men should find their femininity slowly, and not jump into a 'costume' so quickly.

Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) comments on a post about gender questioning, advising against letting trauma fuel a harmful worldview and criticizing the "pussification of men" conspiracy as sexist nonsense.
8 pointsMar 11, 2023
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I sympathize with your gender trauma. We've all lived with a lot of confusion and anger. Our pain is real.

I would try not to let your trauma harm your world view. It's tempting to displace anger and pain onto a conspiracy to distance yourself. I worry this isn't healthy or informed. Too often, I hear this 'pussification of men' conspiracy... Trans people still represent less than 1% of the population, and gender nonconformity is rare. Being nonconforming is not what makes us 'undesirable'. It's disheartening to see that sexist nonsense in this group. I understand being upset at the ideology that told us what to do with our dysphoria, but it's important to keep perspective here.

I hope you're okay, and have someone you can vent to about your experiences.

Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) comments that your voice is not property of a gender and is okay to be deep as part of your history.
7 pointsMar 9, 2023
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Your voice is yours, not property of any gender. It has a history and a story to tell, and it's okay if it's deeper because of that history. If you can find confidence in owning it, that's awesome.

^(*I) ^(absolutely) ^(support anyone who wants to train their voice. I'm not a detrans female, I'm in no position to comment.)

Reddit user writhing_blood (desisted male) explains that "queer" can describe ambiguous gender and sexuality, advising against rushing to find labels after only 10 months off testosterone.
5 pointsMar 5, 2023
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Some find comfort in the word queer to identify the ambiguity you're feeling. You can be a queer woman, describing your ambiguous gender expression and sexuality. It's like a box for no box.

The truth is, none of us really fit into a box, and the more you try, the more you see differences. I worry you're putting too much faith in the labels. Take a breath - let yourself be yourself for a while. You've only been off T for 10 months now. It's only natural you're still finding your footing in this new self, and there's no rush to find words to describe it.