me too. ironically, my suicide attempt occurred WHILE receiving gender affirming care, and suicidal ideation went away completely once I gave myself permission to stop hormones and admit that I had made a mistake. but people really don’t want to hear that …

You probably already understand that binding is self-harm. It damages the tissue, deforms the ribcage, and impairs breathing. I’m sorry others are encouraging you to engage in this; they are giving you bad advice. I remember the pain of hiking in a binder. In hindsight, it definitely wasn’t worth the damage it did.

Unfortunately, the only way to stop is to decide to stop and stick to that decision, including tolerating the initial discomfort it will bring. The dysphoria only exists inside your own mind, and to get out of it you have to change both your own mindset and your own behavior. For me, the harder I tried to hide my feminine features the worse the dysphoria got. It’s a vicious cycle that you’re feeding into by continuing to harm yourself in the service of an imaginary masculine idea. At some point, you’re going to have to decide if erasing all evidence of your sex is really more important to you than your physical wellbeing.

hi there! I think the biggest thing I have learned in my transition is that identity itself is a trap. it’s an abstraction— a way of separating yourself from reality by trying to impose a category onto it. Who you are is not determined by what you identify as. You exist independently of how you conceptualize yourself. If you are questioning, the best thing you can do for yourself is let go of identity entirely. Just be, and do the things that feel natural to you without consideration of the categories people might assign to those actions. From there, things have a way of falling into place

I don’t say that to be dismissive. I understand that it’s excruciating. What I was trying to communicate is that since the problem is mental the solution must also be mental. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. You are currently approaching it physically and suffering as a result. From what you’re sharing here, it seems like working on distress tolerance and learning how to sit in discomfort might be a good place to start. If you have a mental health therapist they could help you, or if that’s not an option there are CBT or DBT workbooks out there that have distress tolerance skills and exercises in them

We are a threat to their goals in a very real way, and it’s not surprising they are hostile to us. Our mere existence contradicts the idea that transgender identity is an immutable characteristic, which weakens their claim to civil rights protections. We also threaten the narrative that medical transition is necessary, life saving care. That case is much harder to make when detransitioners report permanent harm from these interventions. Then there is the issue of their personal insecurities, delusions etc. and most feel threatened when confronted with someone who has overcome gender dysphoria and accepts the reality of their birth sex.

The needs of detransitioners are fundamentally at odds with the goals of trans rights activists. The cruelty is way out of line but makes sense because we truly are an existential threat to their entire movement.

do you do the vagus nerve exercises? there’s real science behind that one at least. I get it, therapists are extremely hit or miss. I still think it’s worth it long term if you can find the right fit, but I understand that it’s not a magic bullet. But you aren’t helpless inside your own head. You are the one making this decision. When it gets too much and you change your mind and put that binder back on, you are the one deciding that appeasing your dysphoria is more important to you in that moment than caring for your body. And you have the ability to choose differently.

hey, I read through the comments on this thread and can’t help but notice how much judgement you seem to be feeling towards yourself right now. Please try to be gentle with yourself, if you can. The feelings that get labeled as “gender dysphoria” are so heavy, and our culture right now presents transition to us as the only option without ever giving us the psychological care we actually need. I don’t judge you at all for the position you’re in. It’s understandable. Unfortunately, the reality of transition is very different from the fantasy of it that we’re sold. I’m sorry you’re having to learn that the hard way, and I’m sorry you’re feeling so much guilt and shame right now.

There is a path between repression and transition, a path towards acceptance and peace with yourself. I think it’s a bit different for everyone, but I can tell you that dysphoria feeds on self-hatred. You might not be able to accept yourself right now, but if you can try to challenge these judgments in your head that might help. You say you’re terrible— try misguided instead. People get lost, people make mistakes. You’re not alone in that. Beating yourself up isn’t going to help you get better, or help you build those connections you want to have.

there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you being AMAB or being a man. i have seen so many men struggle with isolation, struggle with building meaningful social connections, struggle with deep internalized shame about their sex. there’s nothing wrong with your sex. nothing about your sex makes you lesser or not a good person. you need to break out of this horribly negative self-talk you’re torturing yourself with. set the gender thing aside, and just focus on being and doing what feels like you.

I was somewhat feminine presenting but still had discomfort around certain body parts. In hindsight that was trauma related, but I think most feminine AFAB trans people probably do have some degree of discomfort with the sexed body and misinterpret that as dysphoria

If you try to tell your friend to exercise caution, they will most likely double down and accuse you of transphobia at this point. You may even lose the friendship. If I was you I would keep my mouth shut about your worries and just make it clear that you will always care about them. Then, if they later regret it, as many of us do, they will still have you in their life as a safe person to turn to. When they realize the harm of these treatments, they’ll need that