This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, the account appears authentic. The user's thoughts are nuanced, self-contradicting, and evolve over time, which is atypical for a bot. They also explicitly state, "I'm not detrans," identifying instead as a gender-critical (or "terf") cis woman who is interested in the topic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting this is a bot or a bad-faith actor pretending to be a detransitioner/desister. The passion and complex reasoning align with a genuine person exploring their beliefs.
About me
I started identifying as non-binary in my late teens to escape the pressure of being a woman. I considered medical transition but decided against it after learning the risks. My turning point was realizing I was a lesbian and that my discomfort came from internalized homophobia and the struggle of being a masculine woman. I now see myself as a gender non-conforming woman who was trying to escape stigma. I’m grateful I worked on my self-esteem instead and am at peace just being myself.
My detransition story
My journey with gender started in my late teens, when I first got really involved in online communities. I was born female, but I never felt like I fit in with the expectations placed on girls. I hated my breasts and felt a deep discomfort with my body during puberty, which I now think was a mix of body dysmorphia and just not liking the changes. I was also struggling with depression and anxiety, and I had very low self-esteem.
I started identifying as non-binary for a while. It felt like a way to escape from the pressure to be a certain kind of woman. I thought about using they/them pronouns because I preferred them, but I was always worried about how it would look, especially in male-dominated spaces where I was often the only female. I didn't want to be seen as a "genderqueer transactivist" when my actual beliefs were more aligned with what people call TERF ideology. I believed, and still do, that there's no such thing as a male or female brain; we're just our bodies. I felt that transitioning was often about changing yourself to fit into the world's boxes, rather than changing the world to accept people who don't fit.
I never took hormones or had any surgery. I considered it, especially top surgery, because I hated my breasts so much. But I learned about the health risks of binding and the permanent changes from testosterone, and I decided it wasn't for me. I'm grateful I didn't go down that path because I know now that it wouldn't have solved my underlying issues.
A huge turning point for me was realizing I was a lesbian. I had so much internalized homophobia. I had always looked up to my male friends as role models and had this twisted, fetishizing view of attraction where I thought I was attracted to women like a straight man would be. I was a self-hating lesbian and I even wished I could be attracted to men because it would have been easier. Coming out to myself was like a lightbulb moment. It made me see that a lot of my desire to transition was really about escaping the discomfort of being a masculine woman in a world that punishes you for that. I was trying to find a way to be myself without the stigma.
I also think my autism played a role. I've seen a lot of autistic people in trans communities, and I think for me, it made performing cultural femininity feel completely unnatural and exhausting. It wasn't that I was a man; it was that the script for being a woman felt impossible to follow.
I don't regret exploring my gender, but I absolutely regret ever thinking that transition was the answer. I benefited immensely from therapy that wasn't gender-affirming—therapy that helped me work through my trauma, my eating disorder, and my low self-esteem instead of just telling me to change my body. My biggest regret is the time I spent obsessing over my gender identity online, influenced by trends and friends, instead of focusing on building a life I loved. I poured that energy into my art and music instead, and that helped me more than anything.
Now, I just see myself as a woman. A gender non-conforming, lesbian woman. I don't believe in gender identity; I think we just are our sex, and we should be free to express ourselves however we want without having to medically change our bodies. My journey was about escapism, but I found my way back to reality.
Here is a timeline of my journey based on my experiences:
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13-16 | Experienced intense puberty discomfort, hated breast development, struggled with body dysmorphia. |
| 17 | Began identifying as non-binary online to escape female gender roles. |
| 18 | Seriously considered top surgery but decided against it after learning of health risks. |
| 19 | Realized I was a lesbian, which helped me understand my gender confusion was rooted in internalized homophobia. |
| 20 | Stopped identifying as non-binary and accepted myself as a gender non-conforming woman. |
Top Comments by /u/wrondo:
I've seen this discussed before on this sub and two reasons that came up -
The big tumblr trans trend happened a few years ago leading to a lot of detransitioners currently, whereas the big reddit trans trend is happening right now & most haven't had time to detrans yet
In terms of socialization women more commonly support each other & ask for support
Yee there are TERFs here
Transition can be medically unhealthy & doesn't always solve dysphoria (or other mental issues)
There's no such thing as male/female brains/souls whatever
GNC people should be accepted in society without facing the pressure to transition
Pretty basic TERF beliefs
I do think the link between ASD and trans is real based on...observing that trans people on the internet sometimes tend to also have ASD and that cis people don't. Also I've read stuff like ASD can make it unnatural to perform cultural feminity.
But then, the idea that if you have ASD, then you shouldn't trans, is kind of a strong conclusion to draw from that. It's okay to have ASD, and it's okay to be trans. And it's okay to be a trans person with awareness that your ASD and desire to have solutions is contributing to your decision to trans.
Transitioning won't necessarily solve your depression, but it might. And I guess that's okay as a reason to transition, especially if you want to transition for other reasons i.e. male feeling more "right."
On the other hand if you already had doubts about transition it might be another nail in the coffin, so to speak.
Talking about it with a psych/therapist might help but a gender affirming therapist might just blindly support transition and psychiatrists can be really prejudiced about people with mental illnesses saying everything that is a result of the mental illness is bad. I guess don't take their advice into account if you feel like they're being prejudiced.
Thinking about what I would identify as in that kind of situation - AFAB (the one label you don't identify into or out of, although I shudder at the thought of saying this internet word out loud, also I heard it appropriates an intersex term but the intersex condition is not applicable to most people so), maybe female nonbinary/nonbinary female to indicate that you accept your biological reality but your existence is separate from your femaleness (I mean I don't think it's a thing but in terms of gender identities I think people can make up whatever most suits them and explain if necessary and that's probably the best way to go about it).
But with what I said above I'm pretty sure people are going to clock you as kinda terfy, I've heard it said before that "female" is a terf word, which I guess kind of makes sense...
That said if you're worrying about whether you're representing yourself accurately then it is correct to give off that impression? If you don't believe that gender is a thing then people should accept that that is your reality, and accept you as long as you're not hating on other people's gender expressions...especially irl when you aren't going to get anonymous hate for your beliefs. I think it's similar to how religious/nonreligious people should tolerate and accept each other despite disagreeing on reality...
This is unrelated but it reminds me of when I got asked to put pronouns on my nametag at hobby/orientation at work...except I work in a male dominated field and the particular situation was a male dominated hobby so everyone except me pretty much is a guy who has "he/him"... I mean I get that they're trying to be woke but it's kinda weird in a situation where 99% of people are going to hegemonically answer that.... I personally prefer they/them but I don't usually tell people, if I think about it really I believe pronouns are an expression of how the person using the pronoun perceives the person they are referring to, and not an expression of the identity of the person being referred to, so yeah, my opinion would be that the person using the pronoun should just choose. Tbh I just prefer they/them because I think it's superior. But it's really weird to do say you're a female "they/them" when everyone else is a male "he/him". First I'm gonna give off the impression that I'm some sort of genderqueer transactivist when actually I'm a terf. They might assume that I don't fully identify as a woman when actually I do. Also I feel like I'm betraying my role as the sole female representative when I don't use "she/her". I also feel like I'm not fitting in because everyone else is going by biological canonical pronouns when I'm not. But if I put "she/her" on my nametag then I'm lying because if you ask if I like being called "she/her" then I don't. But also it doesn't really matter if I'm representing myself and my beliefs accurately to a bunch of people I'm never going to see again.
It really is a different kind of group, like. Privileged cishet men, but the idea of identity group norms not fitting in with how you prefer to be known is the same, I think.
Oh hey I just came out as a lesbian to myself recently too. Actually it was so obvious from the kind of comments I was making it's kinda funny how I was so blind to it.
Being a self-hating lesbian sucks so much tbh. I still wish I could be attracted to male bodies. And also I've had a pretty disgusting/fetishizing/objectifying way of being attracted to women because I thought my same-sex attraction didn't matter as a straight woman adjdksjaf
It's gonna take a while until I feel comfortable actually dating a woman. Gonna work on myself first. Get a haircut, some clothes I actually like, get a cat to take care of
It's kinda funny how I've kind of had a way of relating to myself as straight guy even though I've always been like "no, you totally can't change your sex." Like literal material there's no brain sex difference so it totally makes sense to be a straight guy stuck in a female body. Looking up to male friends as role models. Thinking I was attracted to women like how straight men are attracted to women. And since I'm a straight man mentally it would totally make sense for me to get with a straight man!!! Haha...yeah...right...
Yeah idk lesbian coming out twins something something
Feel you on how difficult it is to get away from gender roles. Transitioning is one way but to some extent you are just trading one set for another. Wish there was a good way to get out of gender roles (other than "stop caring!") but there isn't.
To some extent those egg_irl types who are like "oh if you're feminine then you're trans" seem no better than the guys who are like "oh if you're feminine then you're gay."
I think, fundamentally: being a person who deals with dysphoria does not make you like a man. Cutting your hair and wearing male clothes does not make you like a man. Gendered language sucks learn a language without gender (jk)
I don't think people deal with dysphoria by going back to being feminine. Part of it is realizing that societal expectations of gender are toxic.
I think you think differently because people are telling you that women have to be a certain way.
Also don't base your opinions on psychiatrists/therapists on what you heard, my negative opinions on them are from experience & there are bad ones but there are also some good ones.
Alright I'm just taking a stab at it because there aren't any replies yet and I have no experience but...
If you don't want to pass as female then maybe you can adopt the label of non-binary? It is true in your case that you are significantly different from an ordinary man or a woman and non-binary can indicate that. It could be a better way to say fucked-up male I'm sorry you feel that way. I think if you're worried about inconveniencing people when you present yourself as male or female then that is the way to go. If you feel uncomfortable with being referred to as female you can correct them and say you're non-binary without worrying whether you pass as male. That said that's just like an idea and it's possible people will look at you even weirder if you say you're non-binary.
I've read that chest binding carries health risks so be aware and look into it if you do.
> It's like a lifestyle but something unattainable as I have experienced. Basically you build the ideal prison then when you're living in it you realize it's a prison and don't enjoy anything. [...] I just focus on things that aren't my sexuality like art and music and money.
Nice way of putting a lot of things in life. I relate strongly to the not focusing on myself and putting everything into art part.
I've read that sometimes, for women who transition, because they start seeing their female body negatively, they start seeing other female bodies negatively too, leading them to become less same-sex attracted.
If you're already in a relationship with a woman, and you're fine with being a gay man but not being a female attracted to a male... it sounds like you might just be fetishizing/idealizing gay male relationships.