This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.
There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments demonstrate:
- Complex, nuanced personal reflection on a specific and confusing experience.
- Internal consistency in the user's story and evolving perspective.
- Emotional depth and a personal writing style that includes self-doubt, confusion, and relief, which is consistent with the stated passion and stigma of the topic.
- A narrative that aligns with a desister's experience (questioning, experiencing dysphoria, but not medically transitioning).
About me
My gender dysphoria started at 18, rooted in past abuse, and got much worse by the time I was 26. I had a severe dislike for my female body, especially my breasts, because they made me feel visibly like a woman. A major turning point was realizing I was considering top surgery, which terrified me and made me question why I felt I needed to change my body to fit in. I'm now in a place where my dysphoria has faded, and I've decided to build solidarity with other women instead of identifying as non-binary. Looking back, my distress was real but not permanent, and I'm grateful I was able to find clarity before making any permanent changes.
My detransition story
My journey with gender dysphoria started when I was 18, but it was rooted in a lot of things that happened earlier. I had a stunted mental development because of abuse I went through, which I think played a big part. The dysphoria got to its worst point when I was 26, and then it finally started to fade away when I was about 27. It’s embarrassing to me that this all happened in my adult years, but that’s how it went.
I had a genuine and severe dislike for my breasts. It wasn't that I cared what other people thought; in fact, most people think having big breasts is a good thing. For me, I hated them because they made me obviously a woman, and that was what I actually disliked. My psychological issues started to feel more and more physical, and the repulsion I felt towards my body was really intense at times. It was confusing because it felt like more than just a casual thought of wishing I was a boy. At the time, my thinking was, "maybe I could pass as male if I didn't have these."
A major turning point for me was when I realised I was seriously considering top surgery. I've always been terrified of surgery, and the fact that I was voluntarily thinking about cutting off a part of my body made me stop and think. Why did I feel I had to alter my body to escape the way society projects gender onto me? The whole thing started to feel absurd, and that was the moment I knew I had to stop. I'm incredibly lucky that the distress I felt just stopped after I had that realisation.
I also thought about identifying as non-binary for a while. But I realised I have no internal sense of being a woman or a man. None at all. The problem was, why identify as non-binary when everyone who looks at me will still see a woman? You can't just wish reality away. I decided it was better to build solidarity with other women who are also coping with the stresses of being female in this world, rather than pretending my lack of an internal gender sense would change how people see me.
Looking back, it's hard to draw a line between "fake" and "real" dysphoria. I think my dysphoria was real to me, but it wasn't permanent, and it was influenced by my trauma and mental state. It seems wrong to say that only permanent dysphoria is "real," but it's also confusing. I don't doubt that many people with gender dysphoria would love to wake up and not feel it anymore, and in that sense, I guess I'm lucky, even though the whole experience was confusing.
I don't regret my transition journey because I didn't get any surgeries or take hormones. I was caught before that point. But the whole experience has left me thinking a lot about how these things should be handled. Gender therapy should be a completely different process, where they figure out what someone really needs step by step: first, does social transition help? Then, maybe hormones? And only then, surgery? I could have been helped at the very first stage. It would take a lot of time and money to do it right, which is probably why it doesn't happen that way.
Here is a timeline of my journey:
| My Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 18 | First started experiencing feelings of gender dysphoria. |
| 26 | My gender dysphoria reached its peak intensity. |
| 27 | I had a realisation about the absurdity of surgery and my dysphoria began to diminish. |
Top Comments by /u/wtfwasthat48848:
Thank you so much for such a thorough response and for your condolences - I really appreciate your time. Definitely feeling more validated that I did in fact experience GD and deserve to share my experience. :)
I think for me the "snap" moment was really realising I was deeply considering cutting off parts of my body. I'd always been terrified of surgery and here I was considering doing it of my volition, and why did I have to cut off parts of my own body to escape how society was projecting their own interpretations of gender onto my body? I think that was the moment it all felt too absurd and had to stop. I'm incredibly lucky the distress stopped with my realisation, in hindsight.
Similarly with the non-binary thing - I have no internal sense of female (nor male) gender. None at all, but why identify as non-binary when people will still view me as a woman? There's no escape from that. You can't "progressive thought" reality away. I'd rather build solidarity with other women coping with their biological reality and the stresses of misogyny then pretend if I wish hard enough my lack of internal gender sense will somehow magically be validated by strangers who can visually see that I am binary female sex. It's not realistic.
I'll look into the therapies you've sent me and I've been intending to read into more feminist theory for a while now. I'm very grateful for your suggestions and I'm really sorry for the distress you went through and that you were led down a path that was harmful to you. I wish us both the best in our healing.
I had my first inkling of dysphoria at 18, hit it's peak at 26 until it diminished when I was mid-27 I think, so I guess part of my embarrassment is this primarily occurred in my adult years (though I did have a very stunted mental development due to abuse).
It's definitely hard to draw a line between "fake" and real dysphoria because I think it does bring up uncomfortable ideas around what GD is in the first place and the idea of it being non-permanent would obviously cause anxiety for those considering surgeries, but it does seem wrong to say "real" GD can only be permanent and never at all influenced by abuse / mental conditions. How would you parse out the latter? It's hard to understand.
Thank you. I don't doubt a lot of people with GD would love to wake up and not feel it someday, so I guess I'm lucky in that sense despite the confusion all this has caused me. And I'll try not to be so harsh on myself given the circumstances. :)
Thank you, you've been really validating to talk to. I didn't really think the detrans community was relevant to me because I hadn't gone far enough in the transition process but it's good to talk to someone who has had an impermanent experience with GD and has had the same insight of how weird this experience is and the sort of thoughts it leaves you with. I think there is a lot of erasure of non-traditional experiences with GD (because like you said it moves against certain ideologies) and it feels good to air out my feelings on the subject and have it related to.
It was confusing for me because I did have a genuine dislike of my breasts that wasn't based off other people's opinions (generally people think big boobs = good lol) but I just disliked them on the basis that it made me obviously a woman and that was what I actually disliked. It was weird though that my psychological issue was becoming more and more physically orientated in discomfort toward my body. The repulsion was really severe at times, which I think made it more complicated than just casually thinking "oh I wish I was a boy" which isn't really GD.
Honestly maybe that was why, but it was more hatred like "maybe I could pass as male if I didn't have these" at the time. It's confusing.
And yeah I definitely agree there are different categories of GD, initially I would've classified yours as "Real" and mine as "fake" because mine was caused by trauma and subsequently resolved while yours reads much more deeply intrinsic. But now I'm starting to think, well, is "Fake" helpful? Is it even helpful to genuine trans people?
I've never conflated my experience with a genuine trans people's experience, I never think "my GD ended so so can theirs" - there are obviously levels to this stuff, but I can't help but think that therapists should be treating transition in levels. 1. Does this person need to socially transition to resolve their GD? 2. Will hormones be enough? 3. Will surgery be enough? I could have been caught out before the very first stage. Some will make it to stage 2. Some need all of it.
Gender therapy should be a whole different thing. Can't help but think money will always prevent it being what it should though, it would take "too much" time and money to work these things out. Capitalism sucks.