No top surgery right? I think voice and hair are very reversible, much more so than if you've had surgery. The surgeries are only cosmetically but not functionally reversible. Your facial hair will definitely go away with laser or electrolysis and vocal training can get your voice back.

You're right it'll cost money. I highly recommend for laser you pay for a package of say 6-9 sessions. Avoid lifetime deals because you might move and not be able to utilize them. For the price also think of it this way: you'll save the money you would have spent on shaving/waxing stuff in the long run. The cost can be variable depending on where you live. Here in Tucson I got a lifetime deal price for the face and although I don't remember the exact cost I think the package was overpriced compared to the national average. It's only a deal if I can keep going back and utilizing the lifetime guarantee. Meanwhile near where I'm moving to in NYC there's a place offering the same thing for $667 for 6 sessions, way below the national average.

My voice training lessons are $65/session. The most expensive I've ever seen is $250/session with Zhea from TransVoiceLessons, but that's probably just due to demand. I think $65/session is more typical. These lessons are generally once a week for 3-6 months. Closer to 3 months if you practice a lot outside of the lessons.

Honestly I really wish it were more like this! Most detrans spaces seem so depressing and political to me, for me detransitioning is also about enjoying being a woman again. I gave up so many feminine things to pass as male and it's really nice to go back to having more fun with the way I look.

Simultaneously, I'm kind of disappointed there aren't more resources on how to even detransition. Barely any discussion of breast reconstruction options, how to voice train if you're FtMtF, etc. The voice training especially feels like taking a shot in the dark.

I can only think of so many detrans stories that have a "happy ending" feeling to them, Daisy Chadra is one of them since she's now married and pregnant.

JoAnna Sloggy through Connected Speech Pathology: https://connectedspeechpathology.com/

If you want to start training for free beforehand I'd recommend doing larynx raising exercises recommended for trans women. Also can strengthen your pitch at higher notes by singing them, like doing an ahhh or an oooohhh sound at pitches around 160-260 Hz. Hold them as long as you can before running out of breath and as you keep doing this you'll find your voice cracks less and doesn't shake as much when holding these pitches because they're coming easier to you.

Re: sexual intimacy making you uncomfortable - do you have a low sex drive, or perhaps is it the feeling/sensitivity in the area? For some women sex hurts more (although that can be related to how the man is doing things), might that affect it?

Regarding always relating more to guys, I don't think that alone is a good indication of being trans. A lot of women have that experience. It's not the same as thinking you are a guy from that age. "I wish I was a boy so I wouldn't be treated this way" isn't the same as "But I am a boy, what gives?"

For my future goals I’d like to have top surgery, I see no downside to this even if I’m not trans

If you've ever fondled your own breasts when alone, or if you like the sensation of touching your nipples, then trust me, you'll miss them. There's also the possibility of not liking aspects of the appearance post-op, such as scars, discolorations, and other deformities. I got a low-scarring technique typically done for males with gynecomastia, and ended up with cratering, and my nipples are darker (browner and purpler) with less sensation. Parts of my chest have a weird unpleasant sensation when I touch them. Also if you're fence-sitting about having kids at this age, then you'll probably have kids, so not being able to breastfeed is another downside.

I also want to have my voice be deeper as thats one of the only things that doesn’t let me pass right now.

Be careful about changing your body just to pass. I got a mastectomy not because I had dysphoria about my breasts, but because "they're the only things not letting me pass as male." I should not have gotten it for that reason.

I get sir’ed a lot and really appreciate it but I don’t say anything back because then I know I’ll get clocked.

You can do voice training right now, before deciding on anything permanent.

To be honest so far it doesn't sound like you're trans. A lot of what you're saying doesn't sound like actual sex dysphoria, just wanting to be treated as a guy. I think if you're very butch, you tend to be treated basically like a guy anyway, so you might be happy just presenting in a very butch way. You can keep the gender-neutral name as well if it's a part of that. I get the feeling you won't be happy with the results of a mastectomy or testosterone, I think a lot of people underestimate how shitty surgery can be and how uncontrollable the effects of testosterone are.

Ngl the fact that I'm in physics definitely influenced my transition cause I viewed it as evidence of being "male-brained." Well whatever is going on with brain structure, it doesn't matter, cause I'm ugly as hell as a 5'0" guy and I'm happier with how I look as a girl more. 😆

ah okay, so you don't like being sexualized? Might that stem from the christian background?

I transitioned about 5 years ago but decided in the last several months I wanted to detransition. I wanted to go back to looking more feminine because I like how I look more that way, and I decided I want to have kids with my boyfriend one day, which really goes against the whole male identity.. I know some people would be like "trans men can be feminine" "trans men can want to be pregnant" etc. but honestly if a cis guy was like "I want to get laser hair removal on my beard, and wear makeup and dresses, and get pregnant, etc." they'd probably say he's an egg.

I wouldn't describe it as "dysphoria" feels more like "dysthymia" but it is definitely actually PMDD. I've had a good experience with both the minipill and depo shot personally, reduced my periods to anywhere from nothing to mild spotting (can get really thin panty liners for that, like kotex "barely there"), and close to no PMSing.

I think there are a few feminine things people near universally think look good on men, like eyeliner and black nail polish. You could maybe start out with stuff like that?

It's kind of hard to tell if you're trans or not from this story, I agree with another user you should talk to a neutral gender therapist who will keep both as possibilities but really spend some time exploring this with you. Just keep in mind it's okay to take your time, there's no rush to find an answer.

Since you said going to the gym helps, are you able you start going again? That seems like the easiest quick solution.