I'd say you're taking things too quickly by jumping on hormones when you have so many doubts.

Seems to me that you're GNC but because of society's ideals you've let yourself believe that the choices in life are manly man, gay man, or trans woman... And since you're straight and not a manly man, you must be trans by process of elimination.

Men can be hetero and as feminine as they want. You don't need body or facial hair (plenty of women dislike that, btw, despite what society may make you believe, not everyone likes beards and hair everywhere). Not everyone will be accepting, but it's not like everyone will be accepting just because you transition.

The problems you've been having will continue... just differently. It's not like trans women are seen positively by the majority of people. And there will be even more pressure the other way, just instead of having to behave masc, you will have to dress and behave fem. It's just another cage.

Something that bothers me in your post are your very sexist values, and it's something you should consider exploring. Why do you think women are better at "indoor work and mental ability"? Is it because you think men are generally dumber (maybe due to your unfortunate childhood and not having friends?) or because you think women are all dainty and weak (i.e. you have put women on an odd pedestal)?

The same goes for the values you listed. While there are values that are generally attributed to women/men due to stereotypes/socialization differences, the only one I'd say is stereotypically feminine in your list would be "socializing". If anything, things like discipline, efficiency, and especially competitiveness tend to be ascribed to men. Without knowing your appearance and struggles, if I were to base my thoughts of you just on that list of values, I'd think about a middle-aged father on a fitness kick or a 30 something guy who is at a stable part of his career and now wants to focus on his family, health, and maybe a hint of career progression/ambition. My first thought would not be "this is a typical woman" or "all these values are so feminine". (Note: this is all based on stereotypes; I do not believe women and men are that different or that only one gender can be X or Y).

It's just all a bit odd. The issue seems to be more based on your thoughts of what a man or a woman should be, than an intrinsic desire to be a woman.

There is also no reason why a woman would be a better teacher (or better suited to be a teacher) than a man. And even if there was -- transitioning does not change you as a person. You wouldn't magically turn into a cis woman with cis woman thoughts and traits (again: not that I believe there is one way to be a woman); people would easily see you are trans, and if you think being a cis male makes you a "target", then being a trans woman would make you an even bigger target.

All I can say is, be careful. I've seen plenty of people on HRT and those desired changes never come -- otherwise there wouldn't be such a big industry of surgeries/procedures out there. From face feminization, to boob jobs, to BBLs, to fillers of all kinds... The only thing that's almost certain is the breast tissue, but that tends to look more like gynecomastia than female breast tissue. There's also a lot of filter usage and convenient posing in the community to look a certain way. Most people online do that, not saying it's a trans thing, but it does add to the deceit that HRT is a magical drug.

Personally I'd say it's probably best to keep out of the echo chambers until you understand yourself better. I took a quick peek at your post history and a lot of your comments are in trans subs, or about trans topics. It's gonna be really hard to be objective if you're constantly tuned in to the topic. It'll only make you more obsessive and convinced that this is the right choice. I'm not trying to make any decisions for you, just saying that it's the case for every topic. It's like the conservative to QAnon pipeline -- if those people didn't constantly listen to Fox, see typical boomer posts on FB and the like, maybe they wouldn't have fallen as deep or maybe they would've been more open to hearing the other side.

If it helps: that is how most cis people feel. The vast majority of people know they are female or male and don't feel any particular way about it. They don't necessarily connect to womanhood or manhood, they just know that their sex is X and that they don't feel discomfort with their sex-identifying physical traits and that's that. When they dress in a gnc way, they don't think of it as gnc. When they have hobbies or likes that "don't fit their gender", they just think of it as being a part of their individual self, and not as being a sign that they are not a woman/man.

I am not saying that's your case since you're desisted and have your reasons for that, and the fact that you mention feeling no connection to any pronouns (most cis people wouldn't like being misgendered), but I am only mentioning it because it is totally normal to not "obsess" over your gender identity. To many people, the thought of even having to think about it is unfathomable.

Speaking from personal experience now, the talk online of having to connect to your gender and really feel like you're that gender brought up my anxieties around gender. I never once thought I was trans before that, but then because everyone kept talking about how all cis people must constantly feel like a woman/man made me think that maybe I wasn't cis, since I just looked at myself and thought of myself as, well, a human being. I had (and still don't have) any dysphoria around my body. I know I am a woman and I am fine with that, but I don't actively think about my gender. I don't feel some kind of intrinsic connection to the concept of womanhood, I don't feel any intrinsic connection to other women or a pride in the fact that I am one. I just live my life, as myself.

The fact that I am a woman is, to me, the same as the fact that I have blue eyes. I don't have any strong throughts about it either way. It doesn't determine who I am, how I dress, what things I like, what people I like, or the way I behave (from a personal perspective -- of course being a woman and what it encompasses determines how society perceives me, but that is a different conversation altogether).

I don't think this is a fair statement to make. Whether you meant it or not, you're basically saying sexual orientation is invalid because anyone should just learn to look beyond all that and if they don't -- they're superficial. That threads closely to conversion therapy nonsense.

If OP's boyfriend is gay, then he's not going to want a girlfriend. That's not superficial, that doesn't mean he doesn't love OP; all it means is that he's gay and therefore wants to be with guys.

To OP -- your boyfriend will not stop loving you if you should detransition. However, it is possible that he won't want a romantic relationship anymore. We don't know him; he might not want to break up, but he might want to. That's a reality you need to prepare yourself for.

At the same time, you need to live life the way you want to. If you really want to detransition but you're too scared because you don't want your relationship to end, you're going to end up unhappy (and perhaps resentful). It's going to seep into your relationship whether you want it or not.

None of us here (or anywhere else) can really tell you what to do or how he will react. But there's a reason people say honesty prevails. You can get through a breakup even if it seems you won't -- but can you continue living as a man?

On the flip side, there are plenty of (young) women who are 100% certain they never want children and get sexist "think about your (future) partner!" replies to their requests of sterilization. Even lesbians have gotten that.

There's a fine line between making sure people don't make mistakes, and infantilizing their (lbr, women's) decisions over their own bodies. They need to make sure the reasons are as solid as can be, of course, but I don't agree with simply not allowing it because someone is young. I know women who have been saying no to kids for the past 15 years; I doubt they're gonna change their minds.

You need to realize that transitioning would not cure your social awkwardness. Women who don't do well in social situations won't have a lot (if any) friends either. I've seen women like that all my life in school, at university, and even in my own family -- my sister has zero friends and never had any either.

Social interactions depend on how you treat your life. It means making an effort in school, at work, going to meet-ups or bars or local events or whatever else (including online interactions if real life doesn't work). Sure, maybe -- I'm not a sociologist, anthropologist, or any other -ist who knows much about human behavior -- women may make friends easier. I can't say. What I can say is that adults universally struggle to make friends because it's so much easier when you're forced to be around others. And even then, you need to put in the work yourself (hence why even in school some people have no friends).

I'm a woman who has struggled with social anxiety all my life. I had acquaintances and a few friends throughout my childhood/adolescence, but I didn't really have any super close friends until I decided to put myself out there. It sucks when you're not the most sociable person, but transitioning won't help there.

That's great, and maybe the other commenter should've added that it's the case for a majority of people with autism and not all... But black and white thinking is very common among people with autism.

That it's not the case for you doesn't mean it's not a trait that's very closely linked to ASD. There are, surely, other markers of ASD that you don't relate to or don't relate to strongly, but that doesn't make them wrong for a large portion of people.

I don't know what medical practitioner they are exactly, but detransitioners still need medical advice (how to safely stop hormones, are replacement hormones needed, what's a good timeline for things to revert), potential surgical advice (can any surgeries be reverted in some way), and psychological advice (both as support on how to tell others, as to figure out if they're making the right decision this time).

If they're currently in treatment or receive hormones through them, it might also just be a formality of letting the doctor know that will no longer be required.

I'd flip that around and say real-life gay relationships are more romantic than yaoi. In yaoi, not only is there often coercion or intimidation involved, but the characters usually have no real connection other than sex at the start. Just look at one of the most popular ones of the past few years -- Killing Stalking (not for the faint hearted).

The top is almost always physically stronger, more sexually experienced (often also more experienced in life, which can include being older or the bottom not having many friends or social connections), jealous to the point of aggression, obsessed with the bottom, and so on.

It's very similar to a lot of shoujo manga or other romance media aimed at women. The guy (in yaoi the top) is basically a "bad boy" with a "soft heart" for the love interest (minus the assault, harassment, bad treatment...). It's the typical fantasy, just with a same sex couple (just look at 50 Shades for a guy who's exactly the same as 99,9% of tops in yaoi manga).