This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious
Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic. There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or a bad-faith actor.
The user's story is highly detailed, emotionally nuanced, and internally consistent over a four-year period. They describe a specific, complex personal history (starting T at 14, top surgery at 16, detransitioning, identifying as non-binary before re-identifying as female) with lasting physical and emotional consequences. The language is personal, reflective, and shows a clear evolution of thought and healing, which is difficult to fabricate consistently. The passion and criticism align with the expected perspective of someone who feels harmed by their experience.
About me
I was a young teenager when I learned about being transgender online and became convinced I was a boy, leading me to start testosterone at 14 and have top surgery at 16. I was rushed through the process without anyone helping me understand the permanent consequences or my real reasons for wanting to change. I deeply regret the surgery and the lasting changes like my facial hair and deeper voice, which cause me a lot of distress. Now, at 22, I am living as a woman again and learning to accept my body, though I often get misread by others. This journey has been incredibly difficult, but I am finally focused on healing and finding my own self-worth.
My detransition story
My journey with transition and detransition has been the most significant and difficult experience of my life. I was born female and as a young teenager, around 13, I became deeply immersed in online communities, particularly Tumblr, where I learned about being transgender. I had no history of gender dysphoria before this. I became convinced that I was a boy and that transitioning was the answer to my unhappiness. I was a child, and I didn't have the life experience to understand the permanence of the decisions I was about to make.
I started testosterone when I was 14 after only two months of therapy. I was never really made to look deeper into my expectations or my reasons for wanting to transition. I was just afraid of how people would treat me if I didn't "pass." I now believe I should not have been allowed to make those decisions for myself. I was on T for two years. The changes happened very fast; my voice dropped noticeably within a couple of weeks of my first shot. On testosterone, I felt angrier and I found I couldn't cry, which made processing my emotions really difficult. I also lost the ability to focus on things I loved, like reading and making art, which I'm still struggling with today.
When I was 16, I had top surgery. I even remember that in the weeks before the surgery, I had stopped wearing a binder and felt perfectly comfortable, but I went through with it anyway. I felt like I had to, because I had already medically transitioned so much and the thought of "being a woman" after all that made me feel like I would be unloveable and ostracized. The recovery was over a month and one of my drains was dislodged, so part of my chest isn't as flat as the rest. I still get weird phantom-like pains and have some numbness.
I stopped taking testosterone about six months after my surgery. The first few months off it were really heavy emotionally. My estrogen levels started going back to normal and I was way more sad; I could cry at the drop of a hat after not being able to for so long. It took about three years for my emotions to level out to a more stable place.
After I stopped T, I identified as nonbinary for about two and a half years. I see now that was a soft way for me to start accepting that I am a woman. A big turning point was realizing how I felt being "othered" from women when everyone saw me as a boy. I didn't fit in with my male friends like I was one of them, and I didn't have intimate connections with my female friends because they saw me as a guy. I desperately wanted to be seen as a woman again.
I deeply regret medically transitioning. I don't regret experimenting with my presentation, but I regret the permanent changes. I wish I had just gotten a breast reduction instead of a full mastectomy. I desperately want my chest back, but the process of reconstruction seems too intense and has a limited success rate. The most distressing permanent change is my coarse facial hair; I have to shave every other day. I tried electrolysis but it was too expensive and didn't work well. My voice is also permanently deeper, though people tell me it now has a more feminine sound to it, like a woman with a very deep voice.
I feel profoundly let down by the healthcare system. The adults, the doctors, and therapists who should have known better simply did not. I was a child who didn't know myself, and I was rushed through the process without anyone adequately explaining the consequences or investigating my reasons. It’s evil how we are first stigmatized for being trans and then for not being trans.
Now, at 22, I am living as a woman again. Dating is more difficult and selective, but it’s also shown me who is really worth my time. I’m in a relationship with a man who sees me as his girlfriend and tells me I'm beautiful. He doesn’t care about my flat chest or my deeper voice. My body helps me weed out shallow people. I still struggle with self-image issues and feeling comfortable in my body. I’ve stopped wearing a bra that gave the illusion of a small chest and am trying to just own being flat-chested. It’s my body, it’s who I really am.
I often get misread by people. At work, people will ask me my pronouns in the middle of the store, which feels like they are publicly outing me as something "different" and it's incredibly frustrating. People often assume I'm a trans woman, which is also hard to deal with. I’ve become more bold about correcting people, but it’s a constant battle.
My thoughts on gender have changed completely. I believe a lot of my desire to transition came from a deep discomfort with the societal expectations and perceptions of womanhood. I think if society's rigid ideas about what it means to be a man or a woman were changed to be more truly equal, there would be far fewer people identifying as trans. We all just are. I got so caught up in thinking about who I was supposed to be that I forgot to just live my life. I don't believe there are wrong bodies.
This experience has caused me a lot of grief and trauma, but I am working on healing. I’ve found practices like mindfulness, meditation, and DBT skills helpful. The most important thing I’ve learned is that the only way forward is to find validation from within myself.
| Age | Event |
|---|---|
| 13 | Began identifying as transgender after learning about it online (Tumblr). Had no prior history of gender dysphoria. |
| 14 | Started testosterone therapy after only two months of therapy. |
| 16 | Had top surgery (double mastectomy). |
| 16 | Stopped taking testosterone about six months after surgery. |
| 16-19 | Identified as nonbinary after stopping testosterone. |
| 19 | Fully accepted I am a woman and began living as one again. |
| 22 | Present day. Living as a detransitioned woman, 8 years after starting transition and 6 years after stopping testosterone. |
Top Comments by /u/yayasini:
I've had this conversation a few times. I actually think that one big part of what makes it so appealing to many middle class, western white people transitioning en masse, is that it seems like a convienent way to escape being "the oppressor." White guilt is real. "I am a part of this historically oppressive group but I'm not as bad as the rest of them because I'm oppressed in /this way/ too."
For example, I felt less like a bad person when I stopped ID'ing as a trans man and lived while ID'ing as nonbinary for a few years. Thank God! So glad I dodged the bullet of being an evil man for something more pure. It's a fairly unpopular opinion but I really do believe that is a driving force for some (among many other things).
there are a lot of people who will wave away the words of your experience with a simple "I hear you, but you must understand that although it was like this for you, does not mean it is like this for everyone." I hear you and I believe you. many people are afraid of our existence because it makes them question the nature of their own beliefs. We still exist when they cancel us out and invalidate our experience. I am so sorry you are caught up in being told these things, no person should ever be told what they went through either did not happen or that it doesn't matter if it happened or not.
I personally believe there are more of us than the official statistics state. it is a shame that we exist right now when there are so few resources for us and are so stigmatized. I know that even though I participate in studies about us when I can, that it will be a long road before people are ready to talk about us (or LISTEN to us) on a wider scale. if you ever want to chat/vent, I'm here, and so are many others here. We hear you and we understand!
I want to have a real, human conversation with individuals that think this way, I want to understand what point they are trying to make. For what greater good is it serving to go out of your way to a subreddit that you don't participate in and isn't about you, to take someone else's photos and repost them in a way that is seemingly only to spite them. Someone that probably does not even know you exist. Because you think their existence is morally wrong or problematic.
Wow, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?
Hi. I'm ftmtf, I had top surgery at 16. Recovery process was over a month long and when I had my drains in, one of them was dislodged so a part of my chest isn't as flat as the rest. I desperately want my chest back but reading about what THAT entails, and the varied/limited success rate of breast reconstructive surgery, just makes me feel like it isn't worth it. "Gender affirming" surgery is so intense. I can understand how you feel, I hope you make the decision you feel is the best one for your emotional/physical health and wellbeing.
Definitely think it's absurd that large parts of Western society changed to cater to a very small group of people. I actually think it is offensive in some situations, for example, I worked at a "hip" grocery store for a while and was hired at the same time as two other women. I was the only person people would ask "Oh, what are your pronouns?" Okay, so instead of me being a grown adult, capable of having the agency to be myself and correct or tell other people in the case they call me by he or they, you assume my feelings will be hurt beyond all repair and want to respectfully ask me first. Great, except people just do it in normal conversation now, and don't realize by asking me offhand while we are in the middle of the store around employees and customers alike, that they have now in fact outed me as potentially being something "different" than how I present myself to the world. In this way, I think it backfires big time. If you were to ask and truly be respectful, why not have the awareness of the implication as well as the other person's privacy to ask them in private?
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I also was allowed to take hormones at a very young age (14), and believe it absolutely should not have happened. We have had and live an overlooked and misunderstood experience, I also have a hard time with feeling so let down by my country's health care system, my doctors and therapists, the adults in my situation who should have known better but simply did not. It is very difficult to deal with first being ostracized for being trans, and then for not being trans. I know the only way to help people like us get resources and support and prevent this from happening to more people is to speak out and make our experience known, but it's hard to stay so strong.
I know I can't make this just go away for either of us, but know that each of us here on this sub see each other and support one another through good times and bad. You are more than welcome to PM me if you would like to. <3
It's fucked all around, HRT is already so liberally prescribed that the situation you are describing is already happening - and the consequence? In 5-10 years we will have an overwhelming amount of unhappy, permanently altered "detransitioners," and only THEN will it FINALLY not be considered "problematic" to admit that the transgender trend of the 2010s was not handled correctly. The people who scorn and want nothing to do with you and I will at last feel like it is morally OK to admit they were wrong. Sickening.
I think you should pursue a way of being that makes you the happiest and most comfortable in your body, whatever that may be. I understand feeling guilty for having feelings like you've described. In the end, the most important thing is to protect yourself and pursue your own happiness. 🙂
In terms of suddenly seeming like an authority on like issues, I think a lot of people can have a sort of "convert-itis" when first becoming deeply immersed in a new thing, they can develop a sort of annoying zeal. My personality did a complete 180 when I first transitioned when I was 13. I had always been very against "PC" ideas and identity politics, and I become 100% for all of it when I was transitioning. I think it could be a combination of self-righteousness and a fear of not conforming to what one may think is acceptable "trans" thought or behavior. Who knows
I think even entertaining the thought is a brave thing, and a healthy thing, trans or detrans. I resonate a lot with some of the things you've written in this post. I had a moment one night where I thought "Wait... am I transgender?" and went with it, thinking it was the reason for and answer to my unhappiness. I developed chest dysphoria after I started identifying as trans. I distinctly remember in the weeks/months before my top surgery not wearing a binder anymore, and feeling perfectly comfortable - but going through with the surgery anyways, because I had already been on T for a year and a half at that point, and the thought of "being a woman" after having put my body through that made me feel like I would be unloveable and ostracized. I stopped taking hormones half a year after that.
The way I felt being "othered" from women when I presented as male was a huge indicator for me that I was not a boy. I didn't fit in with my male friends like I was one of them, and I didn't have the chance to have that intimate of a connection with my female ones, because they didn't see me as one of them either - I was a boy. I suppose I don't really have anything so bold to say as to just tell you to detransition, because I can't make the choice for you, but if that is what you choose then I fully support you. Back then I never thought I could be female again, but here I am today. I wish you the best of luck and happiness on your journey. <3