I think a part of it is the high percentage of ftm people who have adhd and autism, and their mannerisms and personalities may fit more comfortably into a “boyish” persona instead of being seen as maladjusted women. I feel like a lot of ftms, once they’ve come out, embrace being bigger personalities, because they finally feel free from the expectations of femininity. I do feel like transitioning helped me open up more and feel less self-conscious about being “too much”. I imagine suddenly looking and sounding like a pubescent boy (and going through another puberty) must also have an effect on one’s self perception.

Still misogynist to claim to be a woman and insist on entering women’s spaces, and to speak over the women who object. But yes, patriarchal society isn’t great for neither men nor women, especially if you fall outside of the norm.

But seeing misandry as being on equal footing with misogyny is misdirected. It’s this sort of thinking that’s central to the third wave feminism that allowed transgender ideology to flourish.

I (like a lot of women in this sub, I assume) have a mom who gave me a shitty relationship to womanhood. My mom often disparaged my body and my attractiveness and said hurtful things. She gave me the impression that the most important thing a woman can be is pleasing to a man, in appearance and manner. And since she believed I was ugly and ill-mannered, I had already failed horribly in her eyes. This all made the prospect of abandoning womanhood and becoming a man all the more enticing.

People who detransition often have an inconsistent sense of identity, which is most often a direct result of failures in parenting. I would take anything your mom has to say with a grain of salt. (I don’t know her, so take what I’m saying with grain of salt too.)

All this to say, you look very pretty and feminine, and your hair and makeup looks nice!

Also, being a wild woman can be powerful! There’s a popular book called Running with Wolves, all about how women can embody and harness the wild woman energy inside them. It might be an interesting read for you.

I think the question of whether someone is actually trans or not is sort of framing gender transition wrong. It’s a major weakness in the current discourse, in my opinion.

It should be more like, for happily trans people: “My overall quality of life is improved by gender medical intervention and living as the opposite gender”.

And for detrans people: “My quality of life wasn’t improved (and often is worsened)” and for ‘cis’ people it should just be: “I’ve never had the desire to use gender medical intervention.”

I think it’s not about whether or not someone is “true trans”. It’s more about whether or not the current model for medical and social transitioning is actually beneficial to people. I think the current discourse is very stuck in believing in the validity of identity labels as immutable and unchanging (except for the sort of contradictory acceptance of gender-fluidity).

It takes a while for things to shrink down a bit. It’s also quite common for women to have bigger clits.

The lack of sensation will by all means not get any better by having it surgically reduced, if anything it will lead to more nerve damage.

I’ve heard the lack of sensation after stopping T is also due to hormones readjusting alongside the mind/body connection when it comes to orgasm.

Being off T after having been on it consistently for a while means you’re used to being more chemically sexually sensitive, and being back on E makes everything sexual more subtle and less bombastic.

It takes a while to get to know yourself again sexually and to figure out what works in terms of stimulation and pleasure.

I agree! I don't think people feeling alienated is the trend, but I think medicalization as an outlet for alienation is a trend, one that's shaped very much by our current era. I definitely think the feelings tied to being GNC / gender incongruence are more pervasive throughout one's life than emo feelings. Not recognizing medicalization as influenced by trends and media undermines the power our context holds over us.

The issue is that medicalization is touted as the one and only solution - one that provides a permanent positive effect - to something that is usually more multi-faceted and uncomfortable than the neat acceptable narrative. And that all discussion to the contrary - or that even just complicates that narrative - is shot down. I think it's worth noting how trans communities mold the narrative of medicalization as salvation in a similar fashion to how to other disenfranchised groups direct their dissatisfaction with the world inwards to instead attack themselves, and gain community through this pursuit.

Everyone will always be subject to trends, that's just living in a society. I believe people are doing the best they can with the tools they're given. It's just sad that the lack of nuance in the current discussion drives people towards using the wrong tools, because no other tools are provided. I am very sympathetic towards wanting community and to feel like one's pain has meaning and is recognized, I just think the current framework is sorely lacking. The trans narrative's emphasis on the importance of how one is perceived by others is very much influenced by online media and capitalist ideas of self-improvement. It focuses on superficial aspects of one's selfhood and strays far from more spiritual and embodied approaches to finding resolution to difficult feelings.

I lost some friends because I told them I no longer felt comfortable talking about things I used to enjoy talking about that I now find jarring, like constantly categorizing aesthetics and behavior into masc/fem, my friends would say stuff like “I’m wearing my baggy pants, I’m so boy today” or talk about how they feel validated as trans women by liking “girl books and girl video games.” It would drive me crazy and remind me of how limited my worldview had become during my transition by this way of seeing the world.

I also lost nonbinary friends when they realized I’d detransitioned to be a woman and regretted my transition, and I wasn’t just transitioning into a “gender fuck gender fluid person”.

I think it’s hard to stay friend with trans/queer people who are heavily invested in gender validation and masc/fem dynamics. There’s a lot of mutual triggering going on when you decide to no longer engage in it.

I think the issue is that “both sides” are so black and white on this issue, and on the left there is no space for giving validity to the issues brought up by detransitioned folks (how hrt for kids can be iffy, how it’s often mentally vulnerable / neurodivergent people who transition, etc.). So because the left only brings up detransition in order to reaffirm its unimportance in the grand scheme of things, or to paint detrans folks — who hold nuanced/complicated takes transgender ideology — as the enemy. The detrans folks who are accepted by the left are those who personally take on all the blame and who still adhere to the ideological framework of transgender discourse.

Trump’s rhetoric is “trans people bad”, while the left says “trans people always valid”. Both are oversimplified and rely on emotions more than materialism. Transgender ideology relies on the idea of the soul (the essence, the gender identity) as separate from the body. Christian values say the soul and body is as god intended. Where is there space for challenging the idea of the gendered soul within leftist discussion? None, especially now, where any criticism of transgender ideology carries with it a threat of violence due to the changing tides.

I truly lament the fact that trans acceptance has been rolled back so heavily and with such animosity. I hate how Trump’s rhetoric relies on expressing disgust for gender nonconformity and championing of the heteronormative family as the ideal. The fact that it’s gotten to such a point of total acceptance vs total disdain — it leaves no room for good faith discussion based in materialism.

The goal for everyone, in my opinion, should be to:

1. accept gender conformity as a natural aspect to human society.

2. Move away from the soul/body , gender identity/sexed body model. It’s unscientific and insulting to everyone involved to be taken as serious science.

3. Be real and honest about why people seek transition, and who these people most often are, which is autistic — often gay/bi — people who feel like outsiders, who may or may not have significant childhood trauma .

4. Not frame transition as the only cure for gender dysphoria — but also acknowledge that it seems to be the best option for a small percentage people who are truly unable to live a good life as their gender. And they should be able to transition if it gives them a better quality of life.

I don’t think that there will be space for this type of discourse, the pendulum has swung too far. I will not speak out with nuance on trans topics at the movement, because I fear for the safety of trans identifying people, because they are most often vulnerable.

I tell people I’m non-binary because it’s easier than going into detail about my thoughts on detransition and being gnc. To me, it’s a label that tells people, “don’t assume things about me based on gender.” People always do though. I see non-binary as the trans/queer lingo version of gnc. I’m a detrans gnc woman, non-binary is just shorter and raises fewer eyebrows. I’ll prob ID as solely a woman again when I’m further into my detransition, because thinking too much about gender and others’ perceptions is exhausting.

I don’t think that OP is condoning medical transition, I just read their post as as a slightly more positive spin on radical acceptance. If we can’t change the past, why conform to a narrative of loss and tragedy when you can embrace yourself as you are now, changes and all?

I for one am grieving the many forms of loss I experienced through transition and deeply regret it, but I also see the beauty in myself now and the perseverance and self-love I’ve had to develop through it all. I also have not returned to my old name and am (mostly) okay with how my appearance has changed. I’m trying to love myself as I am, and not be stuck in grieving the loss of my former self.