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Reddit user /u/zuzu1968amamam's Detransition Story

male
low self-esteem
regrets transitioning
escapism
depression
puberty discomfort
anxiety
only transitioned socially
This story is from the comments listed below, summarised by AI.
On Reddit, people often share their experiences across multiple comments or posts. To make this information more accessible, our AI gathers all of those scattered pieces into a single, easy-to-read summary and timeline. All system prompts are noted on the prompts page.

Sometimes AI can hallucinate or state things that are not true. But generally, the summarised stories are accurate reflections of the original comments by users.
Authenticity Assessment: Not Suspicious

Based on the provided comments, this account appears to be authentic.

There are no serious red flags suggesting it is a bot or an inauthentic user. The comments display:

  • A consistent, nuanced, and emotionally complex personal narrative.
  • Self-reflection on specific, messy life details (e.g., living with transphobic parents, a friendship with a trans guy, cultural context from Poland).
  • A natural and varied writing style that includes introspection, frustration, and humor.

This is consistent with a genuine desister/detransitioner who is passionate and processing a difficult experience.

About me

I was a lonely teenager who felt out of place and saw transitioning as an escape from that unhappiness. I rushed into it without doing the hard work of questioning my feelings or why embracing femininity made me happy. Living as a woman while my family still saw me as a man created a constant, deep conflict that I couldn't handle. I finally detransitioned because I cared enough to be honest with myself and realized I never had real dysphoria. Now, I'm a man trying to expand what masculinity means to me while untangling the pain and regret from my choices.

My detransition story

Looking back at my whole journey, I think my desire to transition came from a deep unhappiness that I didn't understand. I was a lonely teenager who felt out of place, especially around other girls. I always felt like the weird one in the group, and it was overwhelming. I didn't have trans thoughts before I was 14, but I started to see it as an escape from that feeling of not fitting in.

I think severe loneliness was a big part of it. I didn't give a fuck about myself back then, so I just did things that gave me a bit of joy without thinking about the long term. Being seen as a woman and embracing feminine things made me happy in the moment, but I never stopped to ask myself why. I didn't do the hard work of questioning my feelings. I didn't journal or think deeply about whether I was trying to escape from my life or if I had real dysphoria. I just went with it.

Transitioning was incredibly hard because I was living with my transphobic parents. I have a deep connection to them, but it caused me so much sadness to live as a woman while they still referred to me as a man. I knew it would be a problem, but I thought I could handle it. I couldn't. It created this constant feeling that something was deeply off. Even in my best moments, when I felt better presenting femininely, that underlying doubt was always there. I spiralled into questioning everything.

The main reason I detransitioned was that I finally started to care about myself enough to be honest. I looked back and realized I never truly believed I had real dysphoria. I had just gone along with it without the necessary self-reflection. Now, I understand that providing myself with an understanding of why I fucked up is a key part of moving on. We aren't the way we are for no reason.

My thoughts on gender now are complicated. I see the value in femininity; it has a range of expression that I miss. I tell myself now that I'm just expanding what it means to be male, but honestly, according to most guys my age in Poland, I'm doing "girly shit." It feels like being a guy is the boring gender sometimes, with its absence of curves, lack of color in clothing, and culture of suppressing emotions. I rejected those strict gender roles, but I think that healthy rejection led me to make some unhealthy choices that put me in this difficult place.

I do have regrets about transitioning. I regret not questioning properly from the start. I regret the pain and confusion I caused myself and my family. I put myself in an incredibly difficult situation that I'm now trying to untangle. The whole experience has left me with more questions than answers, and sometimes it feels hopeless. But I'm trying to learn from my past self's mistakes and forgive him.

Here is a timeline of my journey based on what I remember:

My Age Event
Before 14 No trans thoughts. Felt lonely and like the "weird one" in groups of girls.
14 Started having trans thoughts, seeing it as an escape from unhappiness and not fitting in.
Late Teens (exact age unclear) Socially transitioned while living with my transphobic parents, which created a lot of inner conflict.
Early 20s (exact age unclear) Began to seriously question my identity and the reasons behind my transition, realizing I never did the proper self-reflection.
Now (early 20s) Detransitioned. Primary reason: I didn't believe I experienced real gender dysphoria and finally cared enough to seek the truth.

Top Comments by /u/zuzu1968amamam:

7 comments • Posting since February 22, 2025
Reddit user zuzu1968amamam (detrans male) comments on the expressive limitations of masculinity, observing that femininity offers a wider range of expression that is often seen as "girly shit" by most men his age in Poland.
20 pointsMar 10, 2025
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yes, you can't unsee the range of expression femininity brings. I can tell myself that now I'm simply expanding the boundaries of maleness but truth is that according to 90% of guys my age I'm doing some girly shit lol.
maybe it's different outside Poland, but guys just seem like the boring gender. Complete absence of curves or intentional color in clothing, culture of suppressing emotions, ect.

Reddit user zuzu1968amamam (detrans male) comments on AI's cruel accuracy, explaining how it perfectly captures the confusing, hopeless feeling of questioning one's identity.
19 pointsMar 9, 2025
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"You'll finally understand the difference between dysphoria and dysmorphia, only to realize it doesn't actually matter and you're still just as confused as before."

"You've spent so much time questioning your identity that you've achieved enlightenment, but instead of inner peace, you just have more questions."

even AI bots can make me feel horrible and hopeless huh😭

Reddit user zuzu1968amamam (detrans male) criticizes Ben Shapiro's video, arguing that conservative gender role enforcement contributes to the unhealthy choices that lead people to detransition.
8 pointsMar 14, 2025
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ah yes, because we need more takes from weird conservatives! the most helpful ones, those who enforce gender roles, healthy rejection of which made some of us end up making unhealthy choices that put us in this place?
I think we need conservatives to make absurdly pro transitioning videos for children so that they maximise this angle of harm

Reddit user zuzu1968amamam (detrans male) comments on the isolating experience of being a trans-identified male in a female friend group, describing the pain of feeling like the "weird one" and how the group eventually fell apart.
6 pointsMar 14, 2025
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I was trans before I was actually friends with anyone really but oh my god did it hurt like hell when it happened... but I also felt like shit with them. aware of how I'm the weird one, just like all the weird ones in girls groups are, it was really overwhelming. I ended up befriending a trans guy from the same group and that group fell apart and we stick together now.

Reddit user zuzu1968amamam (detrans male) explains his personal detransition, warning about the critical importance of thorough self-questioning before transitioning.
5 pointsMar 6, 2025
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I have zero idea if I am, because I severely neglected this phase of transition you're in currently - questioning. I didn't give a fuck about myself so I just did things that gave me some joy without thinking much. I believe there probably is something fairly atypical to my mind that made me happy with all things "feminine" and being considered a woman by strangers, and most of the changes to my body, but I'm not certain. I didn't ask myself if severe loneliness could have contributed as an escape mechanism, I didn't really think about my sexuality a lot either.

A lot of people talk about "contagion" "obsession" and such but also be aware that even if your only social media was message boards where you talk philosophy with strangers, like in my case, you still should think deeply about your feelings in the moment, have a journal, and while not get overwhelmed by this burden, understand that you will look back to that period of your life eventually, later on, if you transition and it won't literally be a heaven/hell difference.

Also, if you feel like certain part of transition will be scary, think through it. I transitioned while living in my transphobic parents house, who I simultaneously feel deep connection and sadness towards, and it's terribly difficult to start looking how you like to look and feel like you're living, while at the same time you are referred to as a man by your loved ones. I knew this would be an issue, but I presumed I could get over it. I can't, without changing my environment. Now there is this epistemic problem where I feel something is deeply off, but I also feel much better in my best moments still, and I can't with certainty say that I'm not doing something wrong. It's a terribly hard thing to get used to, and I personally spiraled into questioning all my identity (I had to, eventually), and ultimately, the primary reason I've detransitioned is because I didn't believe myself I actually experienced dysphoria, and I didn't do the necessary work when questioning, to now have a peace of mind, now when I care about myself more.

Reddit user zuzu1968amamam (detrans male) explains the importance of understanding past mistakes to move on, and assures that dysphoria and gender-based insecurities will improve as one's appearance becomes unmistakeably male.
5 pointsFeb 25, 2025
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Providing yourself with an understanding why you fucked up the way you did is a good part of moving on. We aren't the way we are for no reason and getting to these reasons can be helpful in forgiving your past self while learning from his mistakes.

If you feel dysphoric with female body, it will get better. Gender based insecurities will get better as your face becomes unmistakeably male, even if theyll still carry some trauma or lack.

Reddit user zuzu1968amamam (detrans male) comments on a friend's history of sexual assault and its potential link to their later-developing transgender thoughts.
5 pointsFeb 22, 2025
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yeah I'm really worried about the last question because he once told me about experiencing unwanted touching as a minor (ie type of sexual assault, but I have no idea how to pronounce that specifically in English).
I don't believe that, but I do think it may have validity in cases like ours, as we both didn't have trans thoughts before 14 afaic.